Ever since we became official, he changed.

[Keisha]

When my boyfriend and I first met we had a very strong connection. He was visiting where I live at the time. After he left he got in touch with me, and we talked everyday for a month. He came back to visit me and we made our relationship official. When he left he became distant. If I didn't make the first effort to talk, he wouldn't. When I asked him about it, he just said he was busy. When I got upset, he changed for a couple days and then do it again. One day when we were talking he asked me if I love him or just liked him. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too. I don't know what to believe because he isn't acting like it. But then again, if he didn't, I don't think he would've brought it up since I never did. I even asked him one day if he really wanted to be with me because I was feeling so unsure. He said yes but my personality is just different from the girls he's been with. I need help, I don't know what to think.

[melarie]

It could be a lot of things. Maybe he's just not very talkative and now that's he's not really trying to pursue you, he's not putting in as much effort. As silly as that is, a lot of people do it. Maybe when he says you're not like the girls he's dated, he means that they talked a lot? And now he has to get used to the fact that he's going to have to initiate a lot more? I really have no clue. He's really the only one who can give you a definite answer...

Assuming what I said is the problem though... If you've already asked him to be more talkative perhaps you could just stop initiating so much and see if he gets the point? Or try telling him again until he gets that it makes you feel insecure when he doesn't talk to you.

[rubydissolution]

I second Malerie. The pursuit is over, he doesn't have to try as hard. It's kinda common among guys. They pull out all the stops to land you then their real colors come out once that's over. He probably just settled into comfort lol. Don't worry too much about it. If you need more talk to him about it and tell him you need the changes to stick, not last a week and vanish. Or you two could compromise.

[Keisha]

Ok thanks. I agree with that.

[inthenameof]

I experienced something very similar with my SO. Only, im very quick to assume responsibility so this may not be for you. I noticed when my SO and i talked seriously about making things official, i was no longer going to be satisfied with the pleasantries of the solidity of our relationship. We talked every day, and we still do, for 10-11 months, most of it long distance. But when we considered putting a label on it, you start having some ideal to compare it to. Theres no possible way that either of us can make the room for each other to call ourselves bf/gf; Id expect behaviors instead of recognizing how much planning he went through to be able to call me, or appreciating his thoughtfulness id be mad i didnt get more cards. Id have an "im your gf" mentality that comes with totally deserved sense of entitlement. Anyway. What i realized was who changed was me. My perception changed everything. His behavior was the same, but the tease of calling him my boyfriend led me to behave differently, idk, what everyone else says makes total sense, too. But look inside sometimes the discomfort can come from something that bothers you where the source is less obvious.

[differentcountries]

What does he mean about your personallity being different? Weather that is good or bad, I will guess it needs some adjusting on his part. Perhaps he does not know how to relate to you and make you feel appreciated and you must teach him. Also, what can you do to make him feel good?

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I experienced something very similar with my SO. Only, im very quick to assume responsibility so this may not be for you. I noticed when my SO and i talked seriously about making things official, i was no longer going to be satisfied with the pleasantries of the solidity of our relationship. We talked every day, and we still do, for 10-11 months, most of it long distance. But when we considered putting a label on it, you start having some ideal to compare it to. Theres no possible way that either of us can make the room for each other to call ourselves bf/gf; Id expect behaviors instead of recognizing how much planning he went through to be able to call me, or appreciating his thoughtfulness id be mad i didnt get more cards. Id have an "im your gf" mentality that comes with totally deserved sense of entitlement. Anyway. What i realized was who changed was me. My perception changed everything. His behavior was the same, but the tease of calling him my boyfriend led me to behave differently, idk, what everyone else says makes total sense, too. But look inside sometimes the discomfort can come from something that bothers you where the source is less obvious.

I had never thought of it that way, but you are right! I did, and still sometimes do, expect certain behaviors from him, rather than just going with the flow and appreciating what he can give me, when he can. And I have had a sense of entitlement that seems to come with the title. But, I am finally learning and accepting his patterns, know when he's going to be busy, pretty much know his work schedule, and know when he needs space for a bit, and that there is no reason to panic when he doesn't contact me for a while, because he will soon be back.

[Keisha]

Thanks everyone. I feel a little better about it knowing I'm not alone. I'll think things over and try to compromise with him. I'll also try to make a schedule with him so we both know when eachother isn't busy. Hopefully that will work.