Does he truly love me?

[Keisha]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months. When he came to visit me for the first time we had a great connection. But now that he's not here, he acts really distant. I love him and want to get closer to him emotionally but I don't know how. The first time that he told me that he loves me, he asked me if I loved him instead of just telling me that he loves me. What does that usually mean? Is there a way I could help our communication? I'm hoping I can help him to open up to me.

[snow_girl]

Does he truly love me? This is like me asking you if my Grandma likes sugar in her tea. See how ridiculous that is asking a stranger??

What does that usually mean? He probably didn't want to put himself out there by saying he loved you if you didn't feel the same, but then again how would I know?

Is there a way I could help our communication? Yes, there is! Point your face towards your fella and make word with your mouth in his direction. If you can not be there physically replace face with fingers and mouth with keyboard.

[OperaDiva]

Does he truly love me? This is like me asking you if my Grandma likes sugar in her tea. See how ridiculous that is asking a stranger??

What does that usually mean? He probably didn't want to put himself out there by saying he loved you if you didn't feel the same, but then again how would I know?

Is there a way I could help our communication? Yes, there is! Point your face towards your fella and make word with your mouth in his direction. If you can not be there physically replace face with fingers and mouth with keyboard.

Wow. There is a difference between "saying it as it is" and being rude and unhelpful, you know. If you can't be kind then why do you reply to someone asking for help?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months. When he came to visit me for the first time we had a great connection. But now that he's not here, he acts really distant. I love him and want to get closer to him emotionally but I don't know how. The first time that he told me that he loves me, he asked me if I loved him instead of just telling me that he loves me. What does that usually mean? Is there a way I could help our communication? I'm hoping I can help him to open up to me.

Keisha, some people deal with the feeling of separation by becoming distant, they just need their space. Communicating in a relationship is hard and it can be much harder in an LDR, but you can still work on it. Don't compare yourself to others, just talk to him, share your interests, ask about his. Ask him questions, watch a movie, play a game (there are tons of suggestions on this forum). Being far away means you might have to get creative, but in the end the bond you forge can be that much stronger. And don't be afraid to ask questions here, or to share how you feel good luck!

[Ahava]

This is a little of the topic...

I kinda get what Snow_girl was pointing out. I mean things would be a lot less complicated if people talked to their SO's when something is bothering them/they want to know something that only their SO can give the answer to. There would be a lot less wondering and stressing about things. It can be hard sometimes to ask/be straightforward - believe me I know! I myself am learning about that, but have made huge progress. And it's wonderful to realize I can tell him or ask him anything! And that is why this relationship just keeps getting better and better.

Guys aren't mind readers, they don't get hints etc. If you want to know something/want them to do something, you have to be straightforward.



To the OP, I think, just as SG said, he was probably worried if you don't feel the same and that's why he asked you first.

[snow_girl]

It wasn't rude, clearly sarcasm doesn't translate well. Could you really not see the unseriousness in my post??? o.0

[Moon]

I have to agree with snow_girl on this one. How many times have people come here asking us to interpret their SO's vague subtleties in something they've said to them that we didn't hear, or asked what somebody's otherwise perfectly normal seeming actions "mean", or ask a group of internet strangers if their partner loves them? We just don't know, we say we don't know, and yet people keep asking After a while, especially when you've been on the forum for several years, it gets tedious as hell. Of course people have the right to ask, even when they refuse to do a search to see the other 45679875643 times their topics have been covered already, but sometimes people should just take 5 minutes to think before asking a question that we cannot possibly answer, but their partner could, probably in two minutes. Sometimes people who haven't been around very long will take the time to try and help, sometimes the post will be responded to with frustrated sarcasm, some of us will usually just roll our eyes and move on, but c'mon, don't ask for the impossible, it would be beneficial to everybody.

Talk to your SO's dammit! Everyone here loves to wax poetic about communication being key, so use it. You can use us as a sounding board for your conversation, sure that's good, but you've got to do the hard work yourselves.

[TwoThree]

I can understand people not appreciating Snow_girl's "tone" (guess it's an acquired taste ) but if you just take a look at the forum guidelines, it's basically just like she said it.

https://members.lovingfromadistance....o-s-and-Don-ts

- Don't post questions like "Does he/she like me?", "What's going on with him?", etc. We do not know what the person is thinking; we're not psychics!

[OperaDiva]

Look, I understand that people that have been around this forum have seen similar questions asked over and over again, but your LFAD longevity does not invalidate the concerns of the later posters. The OP asked a legitimate question about communication, and I do not believe she does not know how to use a keyboard, she was just asking for directions and advice. I don't think it is wrong that she is sharing and asking in a forum that has the purpose of sharing and asking. Yes, I did notice snow_girl's sarcasm, but I felt that it was unnecessarily harsh a tone towards a new poster in a fairly new LDR and a relatively young age (sorry OP if I am generalizing, this is just my impression). My basic point is - if you can't be kind then don't say anything, you can always go vent about new members and their repetitive questions in the veteran or alumni forums. Ahava said basically the same thing in a much gentler tone.
Sorry for the off-topic

[Moon]

Look, I understand that people that have been around this forum have seen similar questions asked over and over again, but your LFAD longevity does not invalidate the concerns of the later posters. The OP asked a legitimate question about communication, and I do not believe she does not know how to use a keyboard, she was just asking for directions and advice. I don't think it is wrong that she is sharing and asking in a forum that has the purpose of sharing and asking. Yes, I did notice snow_girl's sarcasm, but I felt that it was unnecessarily harsh a tone towards a new poster in a fairly new LDR and a relatively young age (sorry OP if I am generalizing, this is just my impression). My basic point is - if you can't be kind then don't say anything, you can always go vent about new members and their repetitive questions in the veteran or alumni forums. Ahava said basically the same thing in a much gentler tone.
Sorry for the off-topic

No, actually we can't. It's a ban-able offense And, as TwoThree pointed out, it is in the guidelines.

[TwoThree]

Look, I understand that people that have been around this forum have seen similar questions asked over and over again, but your LFAD longevity does not invalidate the concerns of the later posters. The OP asked a legitimate question about communication, and I do not believe she does not know how to use a keyboard, she was just asking for directions and advice. I don't think it is wrong that she is sharing and asking in a forum that has the purpose of sharing and asking. Yes, I did notice snow_girl's sarcasm, but I felt that it was unnecessarily harsh a tone towards a new poster in a fairly new LDR and a relatively young age (sorry OP if I am generalizing, this is just my impression). My basic point is - if you can't be kind then don't say anything, you can always go vent about new members and their repetitive questions in the veteran or alumni forums. Ahava said basically the same thing in a much gentler tone.
Sorry for the off-topic

IMHO, it's not about frustration from old-timers at how often these posts are made, but more about the nature of said posts. We CANNOT know what OP's SO meant when he asked if she loved him. We DO NOT know how he feels. We don't even know her enough or know her history with him, to be able to make guesses. As for the legitimate question about communication, I don't know that it's legitimate, honestly. I wouldn't know how to teach someone to communicate with their SO. You just communicate.

[dglynn77]

How to know:
1. Watch this video.
2. If he does all the things listed = he truly loves you
3. If he doesn't do all the things listed = he doesn't truly love you

This is the best guide I know for how to truly know.

[Keisha]

For those of you who actually helped, thanks. There was no need for the rudeness and sarcasm. If you didn't have anything relevant to say, you didn't have to say anything at all. I asked a question about communication. I'm new to this.

[Moon]

How to know:
1. Watch this video.
2. If he does all the things listed = he truly loves you
3. If he doesn't do all the things listed = he doesn't truly love you

This is the best guide I know for how to truly know.

I need to steal LB's second favorite icon for my response (The Llamas are her first)

[dglynn77]

For those of you who actually helped, thanks. There was no need for the rudeness and sarcasm. If you didn't have anything relevant to say, you didn't have to say anything at all. I asked a question about communication. I'm new to this.

You're welcome and glad to help This song helped me out of several relationships that I just hadn't realized I needed out of. We've all been new to stuff at some point in our lives.

[OperaDiva]

Honestly, Moon, TwoThree, snow_girl, you talk as if you don't remember what it feels like being in a new LDR (or in a new relationship for that matter), or what it feels like been 19, or as if you always read and follow the forum guidelines. I think we have all asked questions similar to Keisha's at one point or another. All I am saying is, lets be kind or quiet, it doesn't take much, really.

Keisha, if you want to ask anything, PM me