SO needs that physical touch that I cannot provide right now

[itsjen516]

i dont know how i would feel about that tbh ? can you really feel ok with your SO being with another person right now? A true realtionship waits and if your SO cant wait then to me its not worth it

[Moon]

Sorry about your situation, but keep in mind, everyone in an LDR craves that same thing, but nobody ever died from not having sex. It's about self-control and commitment, and choosing to be faithful. Not everyone is cut out for an LDR though, and the kind of trust, loyalty and commitment they require. There have been some couples on here for whom an open relationship worked, for a while anyway, but they were both 100% OK with it. Good luck, I hope you're able to work it out.

[differentcountries]

Hie,

I want to chime in that open relationships have to have the people involved comfortable. And yes, don't let yourself be preassured into doing something like this. There are some people here that went for your solution, but then both parties wanted sex and I think had experience with non-string sex (as it were). You don't seem to want it at all. Your partner should respect that. Perhaps you can find good solutions together. I feel for the both of you. It is not good to crave something and also not good to feel preassured.

[dragonlady]

my two cent about it: my SO and i kinda have the same "problem" we didnt had a meetingdate in sight we could see each other and both are really (REALLY) frustrated at the moment and we talked about it giving each other premission to have sex with somebody else, but we both just coudnt do it...
we talked about it alot. and if you are not comfortable with it tell her that, if she loves you enough she keeps it in her pants and just be like us really sexual frustreded!!! but hey she gets a lot of energy out of it! my house was never this clean lol
if we love someone deep enough we can endure just about everything right?
good luck to you hope it works out <3

[Rugger]

As our resident polyamourist said, open relationships only work if BOTH PEOPLE are comfortable with it. You are clearly not comfortable with it, so tell her. She won't die from not having sex. Either she'll deal or she won't.

[MattDavies86]

If she can't wait for you then kick her into touch, I wouldn't be happy with an open relationship, don't cheapen yourself

[Heavenly_Love12]

I really think this is something you and her have to decide. All of us have different feelings/opinions but what works for one doesn't work for all. I know I would not be comfortable with anything other than a monogamous relationship but that does not mean that everyone feels the same. Go with what would honestly be the best for you and take your own feelings into account. I hope things will work out for you one way or the other.

[differentcountries]

Self evaluation: https://openingup.net/resources/free...om-opening-up/ It is from Tristan Toarmino's book Opening Up:

If you are considering an open relationship, first evaluate yourself thoroughly and honestly to determine whether venturing beyond monogamy is right for you. Here are some questions for you to contemplate, write about in a journal, or talk about with a friend, partner, or therapist:

What are your beliefs about monogamy?
• If you’ve been in monogamous relationships before, how did you feel in those relationships and how did they work or not work for you?
• Do you believe that someone can love/be in love with more than one person at a time?
• What role does sex play in your relationships? How important is it to you? What does it mean to you?
• Can you have sex without an emotional attachment? How are sex and love related or not related?
• Have you ever had a “fuck buddy” or “friend with benefits”? What worked and didn’t work about the relationship?

If you are currently in a relationship:
• What is the state of the relationship? Does it feel stable and secure?
• What are the most common conflicts you have?
• Do both partners want to explore a different structure?
• Do you have sexual needs, desires, and fantasies that aren’t being fulfilled?

Imagine your partner having sex with another person. It’s important to be brutally honest, not censor yourself and really let yourself feel what that would be like.
• What feelings does that bring up? What would be your worst fear?
• What would the best case scenario of this situation look like?
• What would be an absolute deal breaker?

Imagine your partner having a relationship with another person. It’s important to be
brutally honest, not censor yourself and really let yourself feel what that would be like.
• What feelings does that bring up?
• What would be your worst fear?
• What would the best-case scenario of this situation look like?
• What would be an absolute deal breaker?

How do you handle feelings?
• Do you consider yourself a jealous person? How you deal with intense feelings like anger, jealousy, and resentment?
• Are you able to determine what your boundaries are and communicate them to others?
• When something is bothering you, most often, do you keep it to yourself or share it?
• Do you have the ability to communicate openly and honestly, even about difficult issues?
• When conflict arises, how do you usually handle it?

How available are you?
• Do you have the time to nurture and grow more than one love relationship?
• Do you have the energy to devote to several different people and juggle multiple lovers?
• Do you have access to potential partners who have nonmonogamy experience and strong relationship skills?
• Do you have the self-knowledge and communication skills to be in an open relationship?

- This is just 2 pages from a book that I have read lots of times, and discusses with my husband over the 4 years that went before we deciced to open up our relationship.

[Malaga]

I'm very sexual and I certainly need that physical touch that my SO cannot provide right now. But I deal with it. Don't feel guilty if you can't do the open relationship. You're not depriving her of anything.

[Choco]

We chatted for a bit this morning.
Before I could give her an answer, she said that she didn't want to have sex outside of the relationship after all.
She said that our relationship was more important. She is going to work on other ways.

Thanks again for the advice

[nottheprincesspeach]

Yeah, I struggled with her struggle too. Buying a vibrator, well multiple to find the perfect one, really helped, a lot. I would recommend that highly as an alternative that might help you both. And you can play with toys or yourself on Skype together maybe? Just some recommendations that might help.

[squeeker]

We chatted for a bit this morning.
Before I could give her an answer, she said that she didn't want to have sex outside of the relationship after all.
She said that our relationship was more important. She is going to work on other ways.

Thanks again for the advice

Yay! Good for her! I am happy for you both and wish you much happiness together!

[Choco]

Yeah, I struggled with her struggle too. Buying a vibrator, well multiple to find the perfect one, really helped, a lot. I would recommend that highly as an alternative that might help you both. And you can play with toys or yourself on Skype together maybe? Just some recommendations that might help.

She has a load of toys. I even sent her some! It is more about the human contact, I think. We tried the Skype thing once and I enjoyed it but I don't think she did nearly as much.

Yay! Good for her! I am happy for you both and wish you much happiness together!

Thanks!

[differentcountries]

For the human contact, a single friend of mine reccomends getting a massage.

[Malaga]

For the human contact, a single friend of mine reccomends getting a massage.

I believe she meant human *sexual* contact...