Recently Being Ignored

[kmac]

So I'm new to the forums, but pretty used to being on them. I used the search but nothing really came up that stuck with me, I feel like my situation is a bit unique in itself.

So the girl I'm seeing, we've been together for about 4 months after a mutual breakup that lasted quite a while. We're both in our last semester of college, and I've been trying to find jobs out around where she lives (not only because she's there, but it's also the best place to go for computer jobs). Thing is, she is on her spring break right now. She only went home, not to anywhere special, and this wouldn't be a problem usually.

However, during this break, she's been very quiet towards me. I can't say there was anything bad that happened before she left, and just two nights ago we had an amazing conversation. But here I am, 1.5 days later, and I've not heard from her since. But it gets more complicated.

She has told me about this chatroom that she goes to pretty much every day, and has gone to since she was 14 or so (actual chatroom has changed owners and hosts a couple times, but pretty much the same one). And she has told me the name of the community that it's associated with. Now, I was (and am) a bad person, and found it. I'm not proud of myself that I've gone there to see if she's around, and I know I should stop that. But here's the thing... the days during this break that she's not talking to me (including right now), I see she goes to the chatroom, from about 5 pm to 4 am my time (guess you could say this is the equivalent of facebook stalking). Of course, I can't bring it up to her, since she doesn't know I know how to get to it, and she's had issues with her ex's stalking her and trying to control her in the past. I don't want to control her, I just want to talk to her

I really don't quite understand why she continues to go to the chatroom. From some logs she's given me, and other things she's told me, the guys in there (all around the same age as her) only care that she's a girl and close to their age, and they make a lot of crude remarks about possibly being able to have their way with her (when she's not online). They don't care about her as a person, just as something they can have sex with. They share pictures they've found of her, even when she's expressly told the people who have the pictures not to. And yet, she still goes there. I have asked why, and I suppose I understand her reasoning, but the reason she goes there is about 10% of what they talk about.

Prior to this past week, we'd talk every day, from about 7 pm to 2 am my time. I know that's a lot of talking every day, and we do run out of things to talk about, but it's never caused her to just ignore me for a day or more. And of course, almost every day, she's at that chatroom for about the same amount of time (usually a bit later, due to me having to go to bed earlier than her). So sure, maybe she wants a little bit of time away from me, but wouldn't she want time away from the chatroom too? This is the 2nd time she's ignored me for about 2 days on break. The last time, I brought up how she was seemingly ignoring me (knowing she'd been to the chatroom during those quiet days), and she gave me a response that it was her spring break and didn't want to be stuck to the computer all day. Of course, as I'm sure you all can see, that's a flat out lie, as she was on the computer, just not talking to me. I just don't get it. I'm the guy she's with, I feel like I would/should be the first person she thinks about or wants to talk to during the day. I'm really afraid these quiet times aren't going to stop when her break is over. Usually when she goes home for the weekend, I really don't hear from her, and then things pick back up when she's back to school. Thing is, that won't happen for her until Monday. It's painful to not hear from her (no she doesn't really text at all, and we still aren't at calling each other, especially since we did break up once before). I wish I could bring up the fact that she does get online and goes to that chatroom, but I know when I do ask if she's been on her computer during those quiet days, she just asks if she should go away because I'm getting upset.

I have sent her texts telling her I miss her, and want to talk to her, but no response (not unusual, even when we're talking every day).

Am I just being crazy and obsessive (I know I'm clingy...), or does this strike anyone as not a good thing? I just miss her a lot when I don't hear from her, and I feel like talking every day is what keeps an LDR going strong
Thanks for any advice, sorry for the wall of text.



P.S. also if anyone here has ever had issues with major insecurities/clinginess/stalking and overcame, I'd love to be able to talk about it via PM. I want to stop worrying so much and some of the things I do, and counseling didn't help

[differentcountries]

Let her deal with her own chat room
Let at least 2 days pass before you panic
Be aware that by pushing her for the tiniest details, you preassure her into lying

Fake it until you make it. Act like you trust her.

[ldrxoxo]

That's...weird...if I could see my interest in person I'd be with him most times, not a chat room! If it was me, I would have already done flipped out. I would have given it a week or so and if things didn't change I would say, "So you don't want to talk to me anymore right? And I shouldn't wait around for you while you're busy in a chat room with other guys." It's going to eat at you that you know and can't tell her so you may as well say something that you know.

[kmac]

Let her deal with her own chat room
Let at least 2 days pass before you panic
Be aware that by pushing her for the tiniest details, you preassure her into lying

Fake it until you make it. Act like you trust her.

I wish I could say I am not panicking, but I am.

It wouldn't phase you at all that your SO ignores you (whether by choice, or you don't cross their mind)?

That's...weird...if I could see my interest in person I'd be with him most times, not a chat room! If it was me, I would have already done flipped out. I would have given it a week or so and if things didn't change I would say, "So you don't want to talk to me anymore right? And I shouldn't wait around for you while you're busy in a chat room with other guys." It's going to eat at you that you know and can't tell her so you may as well say something that you know.

We don't get to physically see each other right now. No skype video chatting yet (we're still on shaky ground after the breakup). But I do want to bring up the chatroom somehow, without letting on that I go there and see that she's on there chatting away. Only thing I can think of is to get her to admit that she was on her computer during one of these quiet days, and then ask if she went there, and talk about it that way. I just know though, that if I try to bring that stuff up, she'll just run off upset with me (resulting in more quiet days...).

[Luc]

To be honest I get the feeling your girlfriend is in some way addicted to that chat room.

I'm sure she cares about you, I wouldn't worry about that. To me her behavior seems to be the behavior of someone who either has an addiction, or someone who uses this chat room as a form of escapism. Maybe she's a lonely girl in real-life and this chat room gives her the feeling she belongs somewhere in some group.

I feel that my girlfriend is sometimes like this, but not on a chat room but instead an online video-game where she has a few dozen online friends who she talks to and plays with on a daily basis. My girl is in a difficult situation with her life and I noticed that this online video-game is her way of escapism. While my girlfriend doesn't ignore me for days, she does often choose to limit our Skype-convo time so she has more time to play on her online video-game. I sometimes get the feeling she's addicted to this game, but considering her real-life situation I don't think it's addiction, it's just escapism.

So maybe that could also be the case for your girlfriend? Could she possibly have to deal with daily issues that she might want to escape from, using the chat room as her way of escapism?

[kmac]

To be honest I get the feeling your girlfriend is in some way addicted to that chat room.

I'm sure she cares about you, I wouldn't worry about that. To me her behavior seems to be the behavior of someone who either has an addiction, or someone who uses this chat room as a form of escapism. Maybe she's a lonely girl in real-life and this chat room gives her the feeling she belongs somewhere in some group.

I do know she gets lonely pretty easily. She's always pretty upset when I leave to go to sleep. And sometimes when I ask why she gives a face, she'll say that it'll be lonely with me gone. Never thought about an addiction to the chatroom. There are days she goes without it, but for the most part, she's there. I wouldn't mind it so much if she started talking to me first and then logged into the chatroom. But then again, even when she does that, the moment she goes into the chatroom, I lose about 90% of her focus.

I feel that my girlfriend is sometimes like this, but not on a chat room but instead an online video-game where she has a few dozen online friends who she talks to and plays with on a daily basis. My girl is in a difficult situation with her life and I noticed that this online video-game is her way of escapism. While my girlfriend doesn't ignore me for days, she does often choose to limit our Skype-convo time so she has more time to play on her online video-game. I sometimes get the feeling she's addicted to this game, but considering her real-life situation I don't think it's addiction, it's just escapism.

So maybe that could also be the case for your girlfriend? Could she possibly have to deal with daily issues that she might want to escape from, using the chat room as her way of escapism?

She is going to one of the most challenging universities for her major, and she's dealt with depression since at least high school. She self-harms sometimes (thankfully is more open about it now), and has had suicidal thoughts. I've been with her through the good, bad, and *really* bad times. It's just... if she goes there because she gets lonely, does that mean I just make her feel more lonely? And if so, would that be due to me being me, or part of the long distance curse? I dunno, I just feel like I'm always there for whatever she's dealing with, and don't know why she'd need them.

I can't say she's the most mentally stable person out there, and she fits the bill almost exactly for something called Borderline Personality Disorder, but part of me wants to believe she doesn't have it. And even if she does have it, I'd still love to be with her, as she's more than that...

Also for your girlfriend, have you tried playing that game with her? Or will she not let you join in with her? Might help if she's ever quiet with you, that's how my girlfriend and I met, so it could help you two bond a bit more.

[Luc]

It's just... if she goes there because she gets lonely, does that mean I just make her feel more lonely? And if so, would that be due to me being me, or part of the long distance curse? I dunno, I just feel like I'm always there for whatever she's dealing with, and don't know why she'd need them.

I doubt her chat room "addiction" has anything to do with you. By what you say I'm 99% certain she uses the chat room as a way of escapism. The reason why she seems to prefer this chat room over you is because of several reasons. You don't offer her a way of escapism, because you are a part of her life, that chat room isn't. Going to that chat room is basically her way of temporarily escaping her life and not thinking about it for a moment, at least that is what it seems like.

You mentioned going through a break-up with her and then getting back together with her. It could very well be that she still hasn't gotten over your break and she needs time to let her wounds heal. She probably needs space, which is why she speaks less to you.

Also for your girlfriend, have you tried playing that game with her? Or will she not let you join in with her? Might help if she's ever quiet with you, that's how my girlfriend and I met, so it could help you two bond a bit more.

My girlfriend and I play her game together from time to time. She often does let me join in, but she sometimes wants her own space. She doesn't always want to share her online in-game adventures with me and that is fine by me. It was difficult at first because in an LDR I already feel so distant from her (not just literal distance, but also the fact that I can't see her for more than +/- 2 hours a day on Skype) and then when you hear she doesn't want to play with you, that can kinda hurt, but I've learned that even in an LDR you still need free time and space for yourself and so I've come to terms with the fact that she sometimes wants to play without me.

[kmac]

I doubt her chat room "addiction" has anything to do with you. By what you say I'm 99% certain she uses the chat room as a way of escapism. The reason why she seems to prefer this chat room over you is because of several reasons. You don't offer her a way of escapism, because you are a part of her life, that chat room isn't. Going to that chat room is basically her way of temporarily escaping her life and not thinking about it for a moment, at least that is what it seems like.

It's just hard when it seems to rule over her thoughts of who to talk to. I just feel, being her boyfriend, that I should be the first thing in her mind of talking to someone. Even if it's just saying hello for the day. I wish she'd respond to texts and such, but she really never has unless she's letting me know that her apartment lost internet, and we'll text until she gets it back.

You mentioned going through a break-up with her and then getting back together with her. It could very well be that she still hasn't gotten over your break and she needs time to let her wounds heal. She probably needs space, which is why she speaks less to you.

Our history went something like:

Relationship: June 2012 - October 2012
Breakup: October 2012 - October 2013 (2 months no contact at first, then talking every day)
Relationship: October 2013 - Present

So I can't really say the breakup was that recent. It was a mutual agreement that neither of us felt like we were in a relationship anymore, so we decided to take a break, which in the end resulted in breaking up. I admitted that I was feeling attracted to her again around late March 2013 (yes, I had moved on, was going after another girl in fact when these feelings came back). The reason she waited so long to try again was that she was afraid if it'd go bad again, I'd disappear again (those 2 months I did no contact to get over her). But yeah, I can't imagine the breakup still weighs heavily on her mind. I think it was really for the best, as we were both stressed beyond what we could handle without the relationship, so having an LDR just made things worse in the end.

My girlfriend and I play her game together from time to time. She often does let me join in, but she sometimes wants her own space. She doesn't always want to share her online in-game adventures with me and that is fine by me. It was difficult at first because in an LDR I already feel so distant from her (not just literal distance, but also the fact that I can't see her for more than +/- 2 hours a day on Skype) and then when you hear she doesn't want to play with you, that can kinda hurt, but I've learned that even in an LDR you still need free time and space for yourself and so I've come to terms with the fact that she sometimes wants to play without me.

Oh, it's good she lets you in. Yeah, it must hurt to know that she wants time to herself without you, as sometimes it seems like you both have too little time with each other. I have a hard time giving my girlfriend time to herself. I really don't do much on my own (video games, surf the web, etc... which I'm okay with), so when I'm sitting around and she's not here, it's hard for me to deal with, and gets myself thinking of way worse things than are actually happening. If you don't mind me asking, how long do you and your girlfriend talk every day? I'm thinking that maybe we talk too much (about 7 hours straight) every day, and may be the reason she's distancing herself over this break (can make up excuses).

[melarie]

At first I had no idea what to tell you, but as you've added more to the story I think I get. It sounds a lot like me. Like a LOT. The loneliness, possibility of BPD, selfharm, the way she acts when you go to sleep... I've had some times where I made friends online and would spend so much times talking to them I got kind of distant from my SO. It had nothing to do with him. It's just that a boyfriend can't replace friends. They can help to lessen the loneliness, but it's just not the same. Anyway, he told me, in so many words, that it kind of bothered him when I spent so much time talking to them when he was right there. So I cut back, and also told him why I had gotten so involved. It's hard not having friends, and you kind of cling to anyone who becomes one.

It's also very normal and even healthy to spend some time apart, you know. Today for example, I did some errands and have since been spending time with my family instead of in my room skyping with him. It's good to interact with other people. I've been doing it a lot lately. I'm not bored of him or anything, I just dont really feel like talking to him right now, not face to face or constant anyway. Occasionally it's nice to be around someone other than him, as much as I love him.

And one last thing, don't be afraid to bring up any concerns. I know you said you just got back together and I'm sure it's tough to know what to say and what not to say but it's no reason to just sit with things that could have an easy solution or turn out not being what you thought it was. You have to be able to voice your feelings and problems in a relationship.

[piratemama]

I agree with Melarie that you have to be able to voice your concerns. No relationship can make it without that ability.

The way I see it you have 3 choices: confront her, continue as is, or break up. It does sound like she has some issues, so a break up shouldn't be your first line defense. Ignoring her lies and the possibility of living with her lying on and on doesn't seem right either. You could talk with her. It's all in how you approach her. Explain your fear of losing her and how much you love her before you tell her about the chat room. Ask her some questions that are designed to get her to open up about her experience with the chat room, then share how it makes you feel. Don't go all offensive on her, but be open and honest. Tell her that you need her help to work through this rather than saying something like "What the heck are you doing in that chat room?"

I do have jealousy issues, too, but I'm working hard on them. I have to make myself focus on the good. I do a lot of talking to myself. Even though I understand your insecurities, I don't have much advice in your situation. I've always had trouble with lies. That is the one deal breaker I have, and my SO knows that - one lie and that's it. Some say that's harsh, but I have reasons. I also promise to be honest with my SO. I can work through anything with him, if we can be open and honest.

I think an LDR makes it harder, because you can't see what's going on. You don't know for sure. You have all these gaps and blank spaces that tend to get filled in with negative fears. It's usually not as bad as it sounds, but you have a right to know what's going on. A day and a half isn't bad, though, but lies are red flags. Good luck.

[kmac]

At first I had no idea what to tell you, but as you've added more to the story I think I get. It sounds a lot like me. Like a LOT. The loneliness, possibility of BPD, selfharm, the way she acts when you go to sleep... I've had some times where I made friends online and would spend so much times talking to them I got kind of distant from my SO. It had nothing to do with him. It's just that a boyfriend can't replace friends. They can help to lessen the loneliness, but it's just not the same. Anyway, he told me, in so many words, that it kind of bothered him when I spent so much time talking to them when he was right there. So I cut back, and also told him why I had gotten so involved. It's hard not having friends, and you kind of cling to anyone who becomes one.

But if you knew that your SO was online waiting to talk, would you ignore him and go to your friends? Generally this doesn't happen. There are times where we've had an argument of some sort, and the next day she won't get on, even after I apologize (usually was me being an idiot). But most times, she's gets on Skype either before the chatroom, or within 20 minutes of getting on the chatroom (except for any time she goes home). And I know that she's only known me for about a year and a half now, and possibly knows some of the chatroom people for up to 7 years, but I feel there's more intimate things you share with your SO, and so they'd be the ones you want to talk to most. I dunno, maybe that's just my brain, as I love talking to my SO even if it's literally about nothing and really boring.

It's also very normal and even healthy to spend some time apart, you know. Today for example, I did some errands and have since been spending time with my family instead of in my room skyping with him. It's good to interact with other people. I've been doing it a lot lately. I'm not bored of him or anything, I just dont really feel like talking to him right now, not face to face or constant anyway. Occasionally it's nice to be around someone other than him, as much as I love him.

I agree that you need time to yourself (admittedly, I have a hard time giving that time to her), but days of silence? It's really quite hurtful. Makes me think that I either did something wrong, or that I'm the one who's desperately trying to hold the relationship together again. With your situation though, did you let him know you'd be out and about spending time with family? She doesn't get to be around people much (though she's very much an introvert), so I suppose that may be part of the reason. Do you feel that those instances are going to correlate to when you two are physically together, and there will be days when either of you are visiting that you'll just want him to stay away (fear of mine, or that she'll forget I'm even visiting...)?

And one last thing, don't be afraid to bring up any concerns. I know you said you just got back together and I'm sure it's tough to know what to say and what not to say but it's no reason to just sit with things that could have an easy solution or turn out not being what you thought it was. You have to be able to voice your feelings and problems in a relationship.

This thing is just a really hard topic. Any way I really word it, it sounds like a "it's me or your friends" sort of situation, which I don't want it to be. I just want her to know that I'm getting the short end of the stick sometimes, and it really hurts when she ignores me. Plus, if I tell her I know she's been there, that'll pretty much be the end of the relationship (plus an added panic attack from her).

The way I see it you have 3 choices: confront her, continue as is, or break up. It does sound like she has some issues, so a break up shouldn't be your first line defense. Ignoring her lies and the possibility of living with her lying on and on doesn't seem right either. You could talk with her. It's all in how you approach her. Explain your fear of losing her and how much you love her before you tell her about the chat room. Ask her some questions that are designed to get her to open up about her experience with the chat room, then share how it makes you feel. Don't go all offensive on her, but be open and honest. Tell her that you need her help to work through this rather than saying something like "What the heck are you doing in that chat room?"

Love... I wish I could say that to her right now, unfortunately, past relationships she's had have pretty much prevented that (first time I tried she had a panic attack and immediately stopped talking for the night). She's pretty well aware that I'm worried about losing her to anyone really. It's pretty hard to get her to open up about the chatroom, unless there's something major going on (such as the logs she was reading through that she shared with me). Normally I'll ask how things are there, and she'll either say it's quiet or just that they're talking about such-and-such topic. I wish it was easier, just need a way to make it so she doesn't know I've been there, and to not make it seem like a "me or them" scenario.

I do have jealousy issues, too, but I'm working hard on them. I have to make myself focus on the good. I do a lot of talking to myself. Even though I understand your insecurities, I don't have much advice in your situation. I've always had trouble with lies. That is the one deal breaker I have, and my SO knows that - one lie and that's it. Some say that's harsh, but I have reasons. I also promise to be honest with my SO. I can work through anything with him, if we can be open and honest.

I don't have as much of an issue with lying unless it really impacts our relationship. Cheating is an instant deal-breaker for me, and something I will not tolerate at all. In a sense, I suppose I'm lying to her by not telling her I know she's been to the chatroom, and that I go there and check up on her. And yes, I know that's bad, and I should stop. It's hard though

I think an LDR makes it harder, because you can't see what's going on. You don't know for sure. You have all these gaps and blank spaces that tend to get filled in with negative fears. It's usually not as bad as it sounds, but you have a right to know what's going on. A day and a half isn't bad, though, but lies are red flags. Good luck.

To me a day and a half is a long time, especially knowing she's had the opportunity to come talk to me, but hasn't. I can't say that things will magically become better when we get to be together, but I can't imagine it'd make my insecurities worse.

[melarie]

But if you knew that your SO was online waiting to talk, would you ignore him and go to your friends? Generally this doesn't happen. There are times where we've had an argument of some sort, and the next day she won't get on, even after I apologize (usually was me being an idiot). But most times, she's gets on Skype either before the chatroom, or within 20 minutes of getting on the chatroom (except for any time she goes home). And I know that she's only known me for about a year and a half now, and possibly knows some of the chatroom people for up to 7 years, but I feel there's more intimate things you share with your SO, and so they'd be the ones you want to talk to most. I dunno, maybe that's just my brain, as I love talking to my SO even if it's literally about nothing and really boring.

That's tough to answer, because we Skype whenever we're both at our computers, or even just in our rooms. But I'd never ignore him, so to speak. If I was going to stop IMing him when we're not video chatting, I'd end our current conversation and excuse myself and tell him why. And I love talking to my SO as well. I wish he was more talkative because I do love talking to him even if it's about nothing. But I still need time away from him, or times where we just check in every now and then. We speak every single day. Does she not say anything to you on these days that she's in the chatroom? Maybe I read too fast or missed something, but I got the impression she still talked, just not as much.

I agree that you need time to yourself (admittedly, I have a hard time giving that time to her), but days of silence? It's really quite hurtful. Makes me think that I either did something wrong, or that I'm the one who's desperately trying to hold the relationship together again. With your situation though, did you let him know you'd be out and about spending time with family? She doesn't get to be around people much (though she's very much an introvert), so I suppose that may be part of the reason. Do you feel that those instances are going to correlate to when you two are physically together, and there will be days when either of you are visiting that you'll just want him to stay away (fear of mine, or that she'll forget I'm even visiting...)?

I don't think you need to worry about this happening when you're together. At least, not on visits. If it did, that would be pretty hurtful and inexcusable really, to ignore you when you've spent that money and taken time from your schedule to spend time with her.

Sort of. I told him the night before that I was probably going to get some things done so I might not be around when he woke up. And when he did wake up I was already home and just told him i was downstairs with the fam and I'd be up when I got bored of what I was doing.

This thing is just a really hard topic. Any way I really word it, it sounds like a "it's me or your friends" sort of situation, which I don't want it to be. I just want her to know that I'm getting the short end of the stick sometimes, and it really hurts when she ignores me. Plus, if I tell her I know she's been there, that'll pretty much be the end of the relationship (plus an added panic attack from her).

I think you've made it more complicated than it is. Why don't you just say that you got curious the other day and googled it and saw she was on there. She gave you the name of it, so I don't see the big deal about that. Or, and here's something you need to do anyway, straight up ask her why she's been distant. Say "I feel like you've been distant from me lately. Did I do something?" if she says no then ask her why she hasn't been talking as much.

[kmac]

straight up ask her why she's been distant. Say "I feel like you've been distant from me lately. Did I do something?" if she says no then ask her why she hasn't been talking as much.

So... I guess update time. She got online about 3 hours ago, and we were talking (on and off, 'cause she was doing some work)... Here's how the conversation went here at the end:

Me: "I wish you were here, would be so much better "
Her: ""
Me: "don't think so? "
Her: "sorry just tired right now "
Me: "hope you still wanna be with me ;-;" (not really sudden or anything, was sorta based off other things said).
*5 minutes pass*
Me: "now i'm worried "
Her: "Sorry just tired and stressed right now "
*Some filler stuff*
Me: "Maybe after school is done I guess. Sorry for being so far away and making everything so much harder "
Her: ";_;"

Guess it's time to update myself to Single again

Well I guess I'll wish her the best, and hope we can still talk. Maybe she'll come around, maybe not. Guess in the mean time, I'll focus on my studies, maybe sign up for some dating services back home if there's still nothing going on between us.

Sorry for taking up your time. I appreciate your responses and trying to help. I appreciate it

[OperaDiva]

So... I guess update time. She got online about 3 hours ago, and we were talking (on and off, 'cause she was doing some work)... Here's how the conversation went here at the end:

Me: "I wish you were here, would be so much better "
Her: ""
Me: "don't think so? "
Her: "sorry just tired right now "
Me: "hope you still wanna be with me ;-;" (not really sudden or anything, was sorta based off other things said).
*5 minutes pass*
Me: "now i'm worried "
Her: "Sorry just tired and stressed right now "
*Some filler stuff*
Me: "Maybe after school is done I guess. Sorry for being so far away and making everything so much harder "
Her: ";_;"

Guess it's time to update myself to Single again

Well I guess I'll wish her the best, and hope we can still talk. Maybe she'll come around, maybe not. Guess in the mean time, I'll focus on my studies, maybe sign up for some dating services back home if there's still nothing going on between us.

Sorry for taking up your time. I appreciate your responses and trying to help. I appreciate it

Why do you think this is breaking up? I honestly think that unless you say it, and in any case I would insist on face-to-face conversation, then this is not a break-up. Talk to her, on Skype, and clear this up. If she really has some psychological problems, then they are not about you, she has to face them and deal with them. You making this about yourself and the relationship is not going to help either of you, imo. Talk to her.

[kmac]

Why do you think this is breaking up? I honestly think that unless you say it, and in any case I would insist on face-to-face conversation, then this is not a break-up. Talk to her, on Skype, and clear this up. If she really has some psychological problems, then they are not about you, she has to face them and deal with them. You making this about yourself and the relationship is not going to help either of you, imo. Talk to her.

Honestly, this sounded completely different than any other conversation we've had touching on this subject. I can't say I agree with you on that you have to say it. I've had a couple friends who their SO just dropped off the radar, and found them to be dating someone else a few weeks down the road. I'll be on Skype, so it's more of if she wants to come talk. I'm not gonna ask her to come talk (doesn't seem to help anyways). I can definitely say it's not about me and the relationship. Never really has been. Just based on things that had been going on, I wanted to make sure she felt the same way, but it doesn't seem like it was or she wouldn't have given the "i'm tired and stressed" response. She would have at least validated it in some way. I dunno. Like I said, I'll be on skype if she wants to talk, but I have my doubts that she will be getting on any time soon.

Also, that conversation bit I posted was on Skype.