Different mindsets

[Devyn.shae]

Me and my SO are starting to see things differently when it comes to communication. I'm learning that he is not very talkative and I am. So our convos usually end up as all me and no him. Also I am constantly initiating our talks and he never seems to. I'm playing a little experiment, and seeing if I don't try to contact him how long it takes until he notices. The only thing is is driving me crazy is been 24 hours and I know it will probably be a few more days.

What do you do when you can't talk to your SO? We are both military if it helps.

[snow]

I am not good with words. I struggle to find the right words to say something the way I want it to sound and my man knows that. He is usually the one who starts conversations, because unlike me he is amazing with words. He also likes to talk and I like to listen. That's just something you gotta accept. I remember that when he was going through a rough time once he said "sometimes it's on you, sometimes you have to carry the conversation" and I did. I don't do it every day, because I am just not really good at it *shrugs*

I like writing things, so I prefer chatting, as in text chat, because I can erase and rephrase sentences a couple times before sending them, you can't do that while you speak! Maybe this is something that could help him?

[squeeker]

Oh.. hmm. Well I know my boyfriend and I both have our moments when one of us is more talkative than the other. Though since we've been together 3+ years, we don't have problems with one person initiating more because as soon as either of us gets online, we talk and then go to skype if we don't have to go somewhere right away.

But when we started talking and then dating.. he would initiate most of our talks, because he is the most confident one, though I guess after that first message, I probably initiated talks too, it's just he took that first step. So I guess we didn't really ever have this "problem."

Have you tried asking him more questions? Asking questions about the other person is the best way to get them to talk more. I know I was more reserved when we talked at first, even though we both can be quiet people, but I was even more reserved and quiet and couldn't think of things to say, where he always had the good "icebreakers" and things to make me laugh! :P Laughter is a great way to connect with someone.

Also.. be aware if he is just coming off work or has been busy all day, he might want time to unwind, so if that's the case, let him have his time to browse his favourite sites or check his email, whatever he likes to do.. and then try and talk to him. I don't think it's a good idea to withhold contact just to see if he contacts you back, but if you do, make sure he knows why you are doing it, otherwise he might think you have lost interest in him and it might have the opposite effect. :P

It does suck not being able to talk to your SO.. but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing if you always initiate your talks because it doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy talking to you, just maybe he feels like he doesn't want to bother you. It would also make a difference how long you have been together.. if you have been together over a year or two and he is like this, then maybe you need to talk to him more to ask why he doesn't like to initiate the conversations, how he feels about it. But if it's a new relationship, just keep talking to him, and eventually you can even talk to him about how you wouldn't mind if he initiated a conversation every now and then.

Good luck and stay strong!

[Devyn.shae]

Thank you this is all really good stuff I am going to slowly incorperate into our conversations. I have had a break through with him, he admitted to me that he has been subconsiously pulling away from me because our conversations have been negative.

I am working on ways to be more positive even though I miss him.

You know taking advantage of the situation by looking at this time apart as time I can spend bettering myself and doing things I have always wanted to do without feeling guilty about spending time apart.

Its hard because naturally I am an independant person, but my SO brings out this needy side of me that is extremly codependant on him, and I don't know how to cope with it.

[differentcountries]

Sometimes neither of us feel like talking much, we may be tired or just not in the mood. Then we may communicate mostly through text/Viber, or send each other songs or links to pages. I find just doing something new can bring spark into the communication.

[Yaaamiii]

I like writing things, so I prefer chatting, as in text chat, because I can erase and rephrase sentences a couple times before sending them, you can't do that while you speak! Maybe this is something that could help him?

I'm similar. I'm only not good with words when it comes to explaining my thoughts and feelings about how he made me feel or something of the sort. When I'm mad at him, I need to type it out like you. However this won't work well soon because we're closing the distance soon and I know when we argue I can't be like "hold on, lets get on our computers and chat about this" XD. So I've gotta figure something out. But I'm only like this when it comes to negative conversations. If it's positive I can verbally tell him things all day :P.