I need to stop moaping

[Devyn.shae]

My SO and I have been dating for about 7 month now. We are both in the Navy and he has been on deployment for the last two months now.

We started having communication issues the last few weeks, I feel like the conversations between us are one sided and not frequent enough.

I have expressed my feelings to him a few times now, in different ways, but he says the same thing every time, he thinks I am bashing him, telling him all the things he is doing wrong. I have only been trying to explain to him that I feel sad and I would hope his reaction would be something to make me feel better.

We had a bit of a break through recently and he admitted to me that he thinks he is pulling away from me because he feels when we talk its always negative.

I can understand this I would probably respond the same way, if the situation was reversed. I would like to get out of this funk and be the positive person he loves so that he will feel happy when he talks to me instead of dreading it.

How can I be more positive when I feel so sad that he is gone? Please help I think if I keep up my misery we are going to push each other out of our lives.

[Hollandia]

I get those same funks and since he has to fight off the same ones we agreed not to bring each other down unless something drastic is going on. We both know we cry ourselves to sleep but I agree, who wants to talk about it all the time? Mutual pity parties or siting around and thinking about slitting your throats because your so devasted won't help. My suggestion is to stop worrying about your conversation contents and do other stuff for a bit. Play some games, do some trivia, watch some movies or any of the other things suggested on the main page of the forum for LDR couples to do. Sometimes just push through the tears with a joke. Make it a dirty one and you might get a smile too.

[squeeker]

I think Hollandia gives some good points. I think well all here have felt sad and mopey from time to time from missing our partners, but it's not going to do any good to be sad all the time. I think it's okay to be sad from time to time, like the days or week or so after a visit, or if something major happens, but then you push through, find those funny movies, play games, talk about things on your mind.. whatever kinds of things interest you both. And remember that you have someone who loves you and cares for you even if they are far away, and you will see them again, no matter how far away that is or seems. And you still have the ability to talk, it's not the end of the world, and you have someone great who loves you, you are just separated by that stupid thing called distance. :P

I know when I'm sad, all I want to do is be sad and think of negative things, sometimes even thinking that I *deserve* to be sad, or *have* to be sad, but really what's that going to do? If I force myself to smile even for a second, it usually cheers me up at least a little bit, and that can be the start you need. Also maybe try writing a journal or something because then you can rant and moan and cry all you want, and let it all out and you don't have to worry about bugging your boyfriend.

Though I admit that I sometimes get really emotional when talking to my boyfriend, and then he gets upset, and then I realize what I was doing and usually end up analyzing why I was upset, talking a lot and rambling, and then realizing that he needs quiet to get over it before he talks, so then I go do my own thing for a bit, while on skype, being quiet so he then talks when he's ready to.

But really to get past the moaning you need to push past it, no matter how difficult it seems and how much you just want to cry.. because once you are laughing and smiling and joking around with him and having a pleasant conversation, you will probably start to feel a bit better at least.

[skgirl]

I've been through some sad times too it sometimes killed me so much. But don't worry it's just a phase If you two work together then I guarantee you you guys will go back to the first time you fell in love with each other ^^

[Jaac]

I understand what you're feeling.
You need love and you want him to give that to you. You know exactly what would make your day and what would make you smile.
He's just not doing those things at the moment...
When you try to tell him and he gets upset because he feels like he's doing something wrong or that you're being whiney and he's doing his best, that you dont appreciate him blablabla.
Then you get upset for upsetting him and you try to tell him that it's just a LITTLE tiny thing you would REALLY want him to do.
Which makes him more upset. And everytime you chat, you want him to understand these little things and you end up having an argument.
(or am i using too much of my own experience here??)
It's kind of a downwards spiral...
I'm struggling with this myself. And it's so easy to tell you to 'just' relax.
I haven't found a way to relax yet either

What i've been trying to tell myself is this:
whenever you do have a conversation, try and keep it upbeat. Try and tell him about what you did today or something you have seen.
When the conversations change to happy ones again (eventhough it's about the weather), he is gonna feel like it's nice to chat to you again.
When the tone of your conversations have changed from depressing to happy it's easier for you to tell him your worries and it might be easier for him to accept what you're saying.

I don't know if i might have gotten a bit carried away and rambled on too much about my own situation
When you have found a way to be that upbeat, happy and cheerfull person again, please let me know how you found your peace of mind. Cause I could use some tips as well!!

[jana89]

Maybe all you have to do is change the words you are using. Sometimes I have problems with this - I say something and my SO feels like I´m speaking against him, like if he would do something wrong, but I mean it in a completely different way. Sometimes really all you have to do is explain yourself. I´m afraid I don´t have any better advice for you. Good luck with everything