Not sure how to handle this

[OperaDiva]

Mom is an enabler, as the entire family has been. I don't get it. His mom is sad, but understands. How many relationships does theresa have to ruin until someone speaks up.

Unfortunately it is really hard (nearly impossible) to break a habit of action, and especially of thought, that runs back decades. I understand that you are angry because you love him, but this anger will not help you or your SO (or his family). I know it feels like you are right, but you are looking at it from the outside and even though you feel you are in the right, the people on the inside will not appreciate it if you go in and try to solve their problems for them, or if you give them advice on how to deal with their family. (Actually, that is just my reading of what you said, I might be wrong)

Your SO cutting ties for now might be the best course of action. He needs to step back and re-evaluate his relationship with his mom and sister, and that might take some time. This is not going to be resolved by him being angry and emotional, so he needs to be calm and to know his options, his priorities and his boundaries, and he needs to arrive at a place where he can deal with the consequences of defending those boundaries - which might mean cutting ties for good.

But again, this will take a long time. You are just beginning this journey, so calm and patient are your best friends right now

[TaraMarie]

Thanks for the replies. Wht I failed to mention is that I also have a sister with serious issues. She's bi polar and an addict, amongst other things. And when she is off her meds we all stay away from her. My mother is also an enabler. However, of my sister attacked my SO I would be all over her. I would never stand by and allow it to happen. This just sucks! Ugh!