Help with parents?

[Bbth]

I need someone to help me now to have an insight or to find a way of solving this situation.
I know I did it all wrong and didn't tell my family about my relationship. My sister found out at 7 months, my mother about 1 year and now it's been over 2 years and my father has found out.
Probably this isn't a problem to most of you independent grown up people. But to be it is a big deal. Why? Because my parents are overprotective.
My sister accepts it even though she thinks I am wasting my life. My mother didn't see it seriously until my boyfriend sent me a committment ring. And my father... He'll never understand it.
I knew it'd be complicated and I was trying to get ready for this "telling the family" moment, but the truth is I'd nevet be ready. And now they know. Well, and my father found out in the worst way. My mother telling him I got a ring from a guy from Russia. I know, right? What the hell did I do? I should have manned up and told him myself, but I just couldn't make myself do it.
He told me to forget this and that I am living an illusion. Then things calmed down for a few weeks and he assumed we had broke up even though I never said anything about it.
Today he found me writing a letter to my boyfriend before heading to the mail. Suddenly all the problems arose again.
You don't know him, he might be from a russian mafia, he can be an old perv, he can be working for an old perv, etc.
I am not very communicative and, in these moments, I tend to isolate myself and not say a word, which probably makes things worse.
I have my mind set. I trust him. And I am 21 and it is me who have to decided whether to trust someone or not or what I want for my life. I have been seriously depressed and when I met him I got a lot better. I probably suffer of chronic depression, but when I am with him I forget all about it and actually feel happy. How is that a bad thing?
I don't have any money to be stolen and I have nothing to offer but my heart, so I see no danger in it. Maybe I am naive like my father says. But I can't give up on what I believe to be true love just because he doesn't approve it.
Honestly, I don't want my family to have any skype talk with my boyfriend and I want them away from my relationship. I don't them to ruin it by taking it over and starting to make us obey their rules.
The only real problem in this whole thing is that I still live with my parents and I can't put up with their negativity about my relationship in spite of me loving them too.
I can't move out yet because of college and getting a job is out of question. My boyfriend is saving up some money, but I am not sure my situation can change in the next couple years.
So, how do I start over with my parents again and make them relax about my safety and understand this russian guy means the world to me?

[Bbth]

Sorry about the long post and the little mistakes ☺️

[differentcountries]

Hi,

it sounds to me like maybe you need to do something about your depression. Once you feel less depressed, it will become a lot easier to deal with your family the best possable way.

Also, you may try to talk this over with your SO and hopefully you can together find something to say to keep your family at bay.

[snow]

Been in your situation when I started dating my now fiancé. At first my family thought I was crazy, dating someone I have never met before. I was 22 when we first talked online and 23 when we first met in person.

My only advice is to fight it out. If you are serious about this relationship there is no hiding, there is no ignoring them, there is just no way to leave them out of it. If you want your parents to take your relationship seriously you have to make them see it is a real relationship. It took me months to make my parents see that this person was actually good for me, that he treated me with respect and has been the best boyfriend to me that I could ever imagine.
It was draining, it was exhausting, but it was also the only way to make this relationship happen. If you want to live in peace with your parents, then you HAVE to talk to them like an adult. They will never treat you like an adult if you behave like a child.

I know strict parents. My dad told me, TO MY FACE, that if I leave this country to visit my man I shouldn't even bother coming back. He then told me that he will not allow me to leave. He told me he will find a way to keep me in here. I have been through a lot with my parents AND siblings - mind you I have 4 of them and NONE of them was supportive of my relationship. For a while they started to turn off the internet when they thought I had talked long enough with him, my twin even cut my ethernet cable so I couldn't skype with my man. Things like that happened all the time.

But I stuck through this and been strong. Always telling my parents how good he is to me. Found a job, saved everything I could. After giving my parents almost HALF of my monthly pay, I payed for my first trip to see him out of my own pocket. All of this showed them I was an adult making responsible adult decisions of my own. There was no need for them to decide when I would go to bed, or when I have talked enough to him for the day - from then on I made the decisions and they respected me for it.

[squeeker]

Hi! I think you should slowly start to reveal things about your relationship, things that you know about him that help you be able to trust him, and also the fact that you Skype with him..

Although I know I've been quite lucky with my parents. I was nervous to tell them about talking to a boy online, though I started off mentioning him to my mom a couple months or so after we started talking (but not yet dating) because he wanted to send me a card so I had to give an address. Then my mom told my sisters when we were all near the computer, and they looked him up.. but although I was embarrassed at first that they found out like that, it turned out to be a good thing and they were positive about it, though at this time we were still just friends, though during this phase we grew close and were basically more than friends just not with another label on it. :P I told my dad about the time that we made it 'facebook official' because then I realized that he should know, and he wasn't on facebook at the time to find out. :P I always had built up my parents to be strict, because I always was a 'good girl' and so telling people I had a boyfriend was difficult, let alone the fact that he was from another country!! The day of my flight to seem my boyfriend, my dad all of a sudden thought he'd ask whether I really knew him, sort of voicing his fears I guess, because he wasn't sure how much I knew about him, because I didn't say much, but when I (and my mom, because she knew we skyped) told him that I used the webcam so I could hear and see him at the same time, he calmed down about it because he knew it would be hard to lie about who he was like that. Oh and I was 20 when I started my relationship with him too, so not far off from you.

Parents want to make sure their babies are okay. I think you should see them knowing as a good thing, you don't have to hide it.. but you need to try and show them why your boyfriend is good, try and rebuild the relationship with your parents and show them they can trust your judgement. Maybe tell them a bit about him and his family, where he lives, things he likes, what you two talk about (though you know, keep it to the light stuff, especially at first ) I think maybe it's also the combined realization of you dating a boy from another country as well as him sending a commitment ring which means you probably have talked about marriage, and maybe your parents are getting scared about losing their baby girl and also getting older.. you know.. so I think it's best to try and calm down about it.. and try and show them some things.. the more you try and hide about your boyfriend from them, the more they might suspect he's bad. I'm not saying that you have to tell them everything, I certainly don't tell my parents everything about my boyfriend, and haven't told them that much, and mostly have talked to my mom, but as we've been together, I share other little snippets.. it also helps the relationship feel more real when you can talk to other people about him and stuff.

Of course sometimes parents are really strict and might not even accept your relationship even if you calmly show them that he is a great guy and show him evidence.. and some parents just need more time.. if you know your boy is a great guy (I'm sure he is, though I don't know him, so I'm saying this just because I want to believe he is from what you write), with time, your parents should accept him. I know not all parents are great, but most parents just want their children to be safe and happy overall. So maybe just give it time and relax.. and if after explaining and giving it time, if they still don't want to accept it, you can move out in a couple years or so. But until then, try to help them see that they can trust you by not making it look like you are hiding your boyfriend because that can give the wrong impression. Good luck and stay strong!!