A whole lot of questions (sorry!)

[SpicyNoodles]

A bit of backstory before I get onto my questions
I met my boyfriend met online about two and a half years ago, and we really hit it off. There were a lot of factors that meant we both didn't really consider starting a relationship, but after awhile we grew closer and it just felt right - so I've been in a LDR for about five months now. We live about 200 miles apart, but it's about six hours on a train because of the locations. We are lucky enough to be able to meet up every two weeks or so (usually somewhere in the middle, so a three hour train journey) - I can't even imagine how hard it must be for those of you who can't see your SO for months at a time, hugs for you!! We usually talk every night for a couple of hours on Skype, and a few texts during the day if anything happens.

Now onto my questions
How do you deal with the separation? Everywhere I read said it gets easier each time, but I've found it has just got worse. I have cried on more trains than I'd like to admit - and most days I'll just find something to set me off again. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with the relationship, and everything is fine - it's just hard. As fake as it sounds I don't have any family or friends I can go to to distract myself with, so I can't do that which is what most people have suggested.

That kind of leads me onto my next question. I have recently been feeling like I have been really clingy to my boyfriend (like I will keep trying to fit more trips in, even though I know it isn't sensible), and I have cancelled plans because I want to talk to him instead. I'm annoying myself with this behaviour, so I have no idea how my boyfriend is putting up with it! It's just really hard to not to want to plan. The really stupid thing is I know if he was with me I wouldn't want to know what he was doing all the time and I would make sure he had time to himself, or out with friends, without me checking up on him every five minutes - I don't know why being long distance changes it, but it has. Does anyone have any advice on that as well? I want to tell him I'm sorry for the behaviour and for him to tell me if it's ever annoying, but I don't even know how I'd bring it up.

Thanks for reading anyway

Edit: I am hoping to move closer to him (about two hours) when I start university in September (if I get in!), and we have once mentioned about moving halfway between my university and his work sometime after the first year

[differentcountries]

Distance is always hard. I find the way the distance works, changes. It is easier to handle now, since we always know the next date (when I visit I already have the next ticket booked, too), on the other hand the more we get to know each other, the more I long to close the distance. So it changes. I like to send/give gifts and books/letters to please him, that keeps me occupied, too. Like I said to a previous poster, I think it is something to do with meeting every two weeks that makes it harder. When I meet him every month, I have the time to settle in my normal routine before seing him again. Since you are 18, you are at that age where most people find their adult friends. Even if you don't have any close friends where you live, you can still be around people or if you like alone time you can find hobbies to to alone. If you do this, you might feel less inclined to cling to your boyfriend and make him too important in your life.

[Elli]

I feel similar sometimes. I'm in a LDR since over a year now and I'm sorry to say that but for me it hasn't got any easier, only harder. I will never get used to being apart from him or saying goodbye after some lovely days with him.
I think it is just different for everyone, so I'm sure it's getting easier for some people but it's not for me.

I also felt a bit clingy because I missed my boyfriend so much. I wanted to tell him that I love and miss him all the time and I have quite big jealousy problems when he is going out with friends while I can't come with him.
And I just told him that, so I think you should do the same. Tell him that you behave like this because you miss and love him. I'm sure he can't be mad at you for this And then just try to give him his space. Try to distract you a bit, if you don't have friends or family close do something else you like (I know everyone says it and I hate hearing it myself but it is the only thing you can do). Try to only say every second sad clingy thing to him and that will make yourself feel a bit better because you don't feel as needy and clingy.

A distance relationship is hard and there is nothing you can change about it. But the person you love is worth the effort
Focus on september when you might be a bit closer to him. It may not be certain yet and you're not closing the distance completely but it is a little step towards this big goal. And after that there will be more steps until you finally are together
Stay strong!

[TaraMarie]

I've had this same problem and my SO and I talk about it all the time. I have canceled plans just to talk to him. I miss him so much. As I type this his plane is taxiing down the runway, taking home away...again. We do get is we each other every two weeks. It's a 2 1/2 hour plane trip, and it doesn't get easier. Explain that us arent jealous that he goes out...you are envious that other people get to be with him. There's a huge difference! You gave very limited time together and u want every minute of it. I also wouldn't behave/feel this way if we lived together.....it's hard. I know...but worth it!

[Harlequin]

I haven't been able to meet my boyfriend in person yet, so I can't necessarily speak from that angle.
I do get the clinginess, though; sometimes I feel like I'm possibly being a little clingy as well. My boyfriend understands, because it's hard, and I'm sure your boyfriend also understands. I'm sure he misses you just as much as you miss him. Just as other people have suggested, I would let him know how you're feeling. Maybe the two of you can work something out to put you at ease when you can't see each other.
In the meantime, try to allow yourself time away from him. Have a day to yourself or with good company, and if you want to include your boyfriend, take a few pictures throughout the day to send him. You'd still be including him, but you'd also be out and about.
Maybe keep a little journal. You can use it to write down whatever you want from how you're feelings, the things you want to do/places you want to go with him, or maybe just whatever happens to remind you of him. Fill it with photos or other small things that remind you of him. Then, once it's full, give it to him as a gift. Sometimes it's hard to remember all the sweet and loving things that are said and done through conversation, but a journal will allow him to look through all these really nice things whenever he wants.
It's also important to pick up a hobby in order to get your mind off things on those days you can't go out.
I've also found that thinking of everything as being one day closer to closing the distance is kind of calming. Exciting, but it still helps me relax on those days where I'm really hurting about the distance.


It's okay to be completely smitten with your boyfriend. It's just learning how to balance out those feelings and disperse them in a way that's not so heavy on either of you. You'll get through it!

[Purplette]

I also met my boyfriend online and started out as friends first before going to the next level. For me, the reason why it is easier for me to deal with it is because at the very start of meeting him I knew that he was thousand miles apart for me. The everyday quality talk with him would ease the pain of being far from each other. ��

[Jaac]

I think it's harder when you see your SO twice a month or once a month than when you're seperated for a couple of months.
That's because the saying goodbyes can be so emotionally draining.
I visit my SO very irrregular, sometimes it's 3 months, sometimes half a year. Everytime we say goodbye it takes a couple of weeks, or maybe little less than 2 months before I'm really back on track again, doing my own things and stuff. So I can emagine that when you go through that whole process every 2 weeks, it just gets harder instead of easier. You have to try to find a way to keep yourself busy though, to take your mind off of things.
Not stressing, worrying or thinking about him and your relationship, doesn't mean you don't care.

Before I'm used to talking to him for an hour once a day again (or maybe only say goodmorning and goodnight when we're both really busy) instead of being able to talk to him whenever I want, also takes time.
When he doesn't respond to my messages I start to think he doesn't care or he has got something better to do than talking to me. Some days I worry about it all day. I start focussing on the negatives and I create problems that weren't even there in the first place. In the end I am stressing about non-existing problems (being clingy, having said someting wrong, blablabla), while he's just living his life not aware of any problems.
I've noticed that the only thing that gives me peace of mind is to know what he's doing and how long it will take before we can chat again.
If it were up to me, he'd tell me what he was doing every hour of the day.
That's not healthy though. Sometimes I feel clingy as well when I ask: do you have time to chat later?
I try to keep myself in controll and not be the girl that messages her SO what he's doing every 5 minutes. That will drive both me and him insane!

You're not alone with being lonely and sad.
I think we all are some of the time