Silence

[bethyylovee]

I think I've decided that the worst part about the end of a visit for me is the silence. There's no sniffles or rustling around, or the sounds from his little video games. It just completely kills me.

Six months until the wedding...six months until the wedding...six months until the wedding...

What's the hardest part for everyone else?

[RachelAnne]

I think the worst part for me is when he leaves, and all I can see is him around my house still...I can't go into a room without picturing him there with me! It's terrible. Or i'll just desperately miss the little things about him that I don't get to experience when we're apart

[bethyylovee]

I think the worst part for me is when he leaves, and all I can see is him around my house still...I can't go into a room without picturing him there with me! It's terrible. Or i'll just desperately miss the little things about him that I don't get to experience when we're apart

Yes!! That also. Every room reminds me of something fun that we did or something.

[CanadianGirl]

I really hate the night before we part. Everything gets all tense and I never know how to handle it and neither does he. I probably get about 2-3 hours of nightmare-ridden sleep. We'll wake each other up trying to snuggle closer. It's all worse from there until I'm home and we can skype again. I think I've gotten better at jumping back into my life at home, but that last night together always just ruins me.

[squeeker]

Yes that last night together is the worst! We both get very little sleep. Last time he made sure I get some sleep (like a couple hours maybe, if that) because I don't usually sleep much on the plane. But he can sleep easier because he is in his bed.. but I know it's hard for him seeing all the reminders of us together. Just like it's hard for me to leave.. like everything in my body is screaming to run back, jump out of the taxi, run back and grab the taxi to his house, or jump off the plane and run back.. but I can't.. because I don't have the money to stay longer, the immigrations would find me and I'd get a mark on my passport and it would be even harder to close the distance one day.. so I'm forced to part.

But yeah it is interesting how you describe it as silence, the last bit of time before we have to part.. because it is.. it's not the normal routine.. try as we might, it's different because I've had to pack up my suitcase, decide what things I should bring back with me, and which to leave with him, and then we want to enjoy the last few moments, but at the back of our minds, we know it's almost time that we have to part.. last time I had to leave him, we were watching one of our favourite shows and we ate some of one of our favourite meals, and cuddled, I slept for maybe an hour or two (he made me, I can't remember why I agreed to it, maybe he said that if I didn't, then he wouldn't sleep at all when I was on the plane or something.. so I did so that he would feel better sleeping when I was on the plane). It sucks.

But yay for you! 6 months until you are MARRIED and then likely will not have to worry about this distance thing at all! Focus on that! But thanks for the thread.. though it is frustrating to think back on, also nice to be apart of a community like LFAD where other people go through similar feelings, and we can be sad and frustrated about them together! haha..

[Alle1770]

I think for me, like for you, the silence is the worst. Especially when he is leaving from visiting me. I've dropped him off at the airport, come back home, and the entire house is just dead silent (since the rest of my family is usually out). His shoes aren't in the hallway, his bag isn't in my room, his toothbrush isn't in the bathroom. Yet the smell of his perfume lingers on for days, which is just heartbreaking.

What makes it even worse is that since he's got about 30/40 hours of travelling time, we can't talk to each other until a day and a half after he's left, which makes the silence even more present - we can't even talk over Skype/Facebook! But hopefully we'll be able to close the distance soon enough, just gotta hang in there until then

[snow]

The nights. During the day we spend lots of time together after I got home, but at night I just can't help but notice how different and lonely it is. We sleep with the light on, here I have to hold a flashlight when it gets too bad in the darkness. There I have 2 thick blankets, 2 fleece blankets and 3 pillows, here I have one thin blanket and 1 pillow. The worst part is I can't kiss him goodnight and feel his foot slightly touching mine..

[OperaDiva]

The silence, yes. Expecting to see him when I walk in the other room. And the cold ... when I get stressed and my hormones run wild I get cold and he is always so warm ... even when he sleeps he sometimes hugs me when he feels me shiver, or when he is half asleep and I ask him to warm me up ...

[sarahjane1992]

The day before is always the worst. We get the whole day together but it's still so hard. Usually I'm the one who leaves but when he does it feels ten times worse. I cry the whole day. I help him pack up and get his boarding passes. I never thought I'd cry in public but I really don't care.
Something I've noticed too is whenever we part, I look around and expect him to be there. I get used to having him around.
And also like snow said, the nights are also hard. I don't like sleeping alone.

[Mims27]

Silence and loneliness is definetly the worse and it's been especially hard for me for me lately. She was at my place a couple weeks ago and it felt so normal and right so when she had to leave it was especially hard for both of us. We both want that so much. My big empty bed is part of that too. I'm so ready to be with my SO fulltime it's crazy...I need to keep occupied but I don't know what with. Soon it's going to be cottage season, so that will help a bit.

[80anthea]

It's the feeling of loneliness when I get in bed that's the worse. I always want to roll over and see him next to me.

[differentcountries]

I have not had the silence because he never visited me (hopefully he will in November). So what I resent very much, is getting back to "everyday life" where he has no part. I miss everything about him and Turkey, and life in Norway seems so grey. It helps to eat his food! It really does... and I listen to Turkish music or his other favourites and I feel closer to him. Sometimes it also helps to throw myself into action, but that can backfire because I will be very sad a week LATER, out of tune with my SO's sadness, which is not helpfull.

For me the worst thing about visits ending is that he feels so sad. I can handle being sad myself, but having him feeling broken just kills me. I feel so helpless until I manage to pick him up again and help him deal. Strangely, what helps the most is that the boys are usually able to be in contact while I travel. Also, knowing someone will be with him or that he will have work to take him mind off it, helps.

I never cry before I leave, not even in the airport as long as I am with him. I cry in the airports past the security and most on the international plane. I suspect he cries but he doesn't tell me, he closes up. I will sometimes tell him; "I cried for four straight hours missing you!" It is like my body has gotten used to the plain lenght and I feel ok to stop crying once I am back on Norwegian soil. Sometimes I don't want to leave the last airport, though, and just hang out eating something. Sometimes it feels good to cry, at other times I feel bad. I write my journal and soothe myself my starting to plan the next visit right away (if not already booked, if booked I start to plan all kinds of details).

It is a bit different for me because usually I will neiter be lonely nor sleep alone (but it has happened, and that is just awful--missing both of them). Still, even when I have my husband there, I will miss my boyfriend a lot. Having my husband there is a very concrete reminder. They are not even the same temperature!

He used to start mourning a long time before I left, which bothered me because I wanted to make use of the time together. It seems that has ceased a bit, and the last time he was only emotional on the way to the airport (he was REALLY sad beyond that point, though, so I might encaurage him to start a bit sooner!). He sometimes says it is bad to be reminded of me in the house, at other times he says that is what helps him. He really loved last time, when we were together in the house where he grew up, I think he though that was pretty special. I forgot my dress, which turned out great because apparently it contains my smell and he has slept with that dress for weeks! As from May, we will rent and furnish a flat together, so it will hopefully be nice for him to spend the next three weeks in "our" house.

[RachelAnne]

Usually I'm the one who leaves but when he does it feels ten times worse. I cry the whole day. [/QUOTE]

This! I've noticed for some reason it always feels harder when he's the one leaving me. I think it's because he gets to at least go back home to his family and then I'm stuck here without him

[Anonymous2]

I normally sleep on the right side of the bed, but when he's visiting I sleep on the left (not sure why). So when he leaves I resume sleeping in my spot except then it smells like him and I just end up crying myself to sleep. I don't think it'd be much better if I stayed on the left side because then I'd reach for him and he wouldn't be there.

[nottheprincesspeach]

For me it is adjusting to sleeping without him. When I wake up cuddling him and matching his breathing helps me go back to sleep. Same thing when I am falling asleep. It is just hard. So I steal the shirt he wears when leaving then put it on a pillow next to me. It only works for a little while, but helps me adjust.