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**itsjen516** · April 11, 2014, 02:21 AM

That seems a bit odd to me. I get he's busy it's fine it happens but he can say "I miss you to" or when he gets the gift "hey thanks so much for the gift but ill ttyl I'm kind of busy"
I think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Sometimes people don't even notice they are hurting a person , untill it's pointed out.

**Dezface** · April 11, 2014, 03:03 AM

I feel like I'm always telling people their relationship doesn't sound good but...it doesn't sound good. Not having much time to talk to someone is one thing. Too busy to miss them? No. Being busy has no bearing on being able to think about someone.

I would indeed say you're on different pages. It could be tha his feelings have fizzled since he booked the trip. Did the last visit go well, in your opinion? Maybe he doesn't feel it did. I think you should flat out ask him where he sees your relationship going. If he has no qualms telling you he doesn't miss you, it should be no problem to answer that question.

**Gingerlyme** · April 11, 2014, 03:57 AM

Originally posted by itsjen516 View Post

That seems a bit odd to me. I get he's busy it's fine it happens but he can say "I miss you to" or when he gets the gift "hey thanks so much for the gift but ill ttyl I'm kind of busy"
I think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Sometimes people don't even notice they are hurting a person , untill it's pointed out.

Yea, i plan to talk to him before the trip just to sort things out and to see where his head is at. i want to enjoy the trip as much as we can without having doubts in my mind.
i think your right with the idea that [Sometimes people don't even notice they are hurting a person , untill it's pointed out]. he is pretty bad at reading people and he hasnt been in a relationship in a long time, maybe his senses has dulled when it comes to girls.

Originally posted by Dezface View Post

I feel like I'm always telling people their relationship doesn't sound good but...it doesn't sound good. Not having much time to talk to someone is one thing. Too busy to miss them? No. Being busy has no bearing on being able to think about someone.

I would indeed say you're on different pages. It could be tha his feelings have fizzled since he booked the trip. Did the last visit go well, in your opinion? Maybe he doesn't feel it did. I think you should flat out ask him where he sees your relationship going. If he has no qualms telling you he doesn't miss you, it should be no problem to answer that question.

different pages indeed. yea i think the initial newness of the relationship has fizzled out and he is feeling a bit lost as well on how he feels. he doesnt seem to have time for me nor is willling to say no to his friends for me (Which i will never ask him to and vice versa). the last trip went so wonderfully, he would stare at me when i was eating and we stuck to each other like glue and paper. He was completely enamored with me and me him.

i will talk to him, i dont think its fair to waste his time or mine if he doesnt believe in this relationship. if he has doubts we can talk it out but how he is acting now is just weird and confusing.
I feel like he sees me as a friend/bro then a girlfriend. he doesnt express he wants me sexually either, while i on the other hand would tell him how much i want him when he comes.
or is it me being too aggressive? because he is a rather passive guy.

**differentcountries** · April 11, 2014, 04:14 AM

What I see is;
- a guy who is afraid to fly, or to travel. The first time I was about to fly a long plane I was scared, too. You saying you would fly anytime has no bearing here. The point is how HE feels about it. You seem dismissive to his relutance while you could really be more curious about what is holding him back.
- someone trying to keep themselves busy and succeding in that. When I work and I am happy with that, I don't think of my SO either. It does not mean I don't care for him, just that I prefer not to be sucked into a lot of emotions when I am working... And when you manage to do that, well, time does fly by fast. I suppose he does miss you sometimes, and perhaps should get better in talking about that. But guys are often afraid to "open the flood door of emotions", while it soothes a lot of girls, it can make a guy just miserable. I have been perplex over things SO don't want to discuss

You should tell him you would appreciate him thanking you sooner. But seriously - it is his birthday so you are not the person in focus that day, his feelings should be what matters, not yours. And guys normally don't pay attention to details like "who is it polite to reply to first", most likely he is proud that he remembered to thank you.

I see nothing here that indicates he has lost his feelings for you. You manage to Skype despite the time difference, he has booked a flight and will most likely travel to see you. He is taking lots of time off from work to see you, and it is likely he is working extra to make up for that time, hence he is even more inclined to be too busy to miss you... He has thrown himself into work, forgetting about his longings for you. Now, all of a sudden, it is soon due to see you, and he is feeling a bit confused as well as not looking forward to the trip. Try to see where he is at, and it might become easier for him to so simple things to soothe you, like being a bit more polite and letting you know he thinks of you when he does.

**AussieAmericanGirl66** · April 11, 2014, 06:10 AM

Originally posted by Gingerlyme View Post

Hey guys

I need some feedback on my relationship. if i'm being paranoid or this is a legit problem.

So my guy and i have been dating for 5months now. We are separated by roughly 5000miles but thankfully only a 2hour time difference. We both have not dated for almost 2 years and no sexual relations during that time either.

I miss him more and grow to care more for him with each passing day. We are both working and talk 3-4times a week on skype for an hour.

I went over to visit him in november and he is coming to my city for the 1st time in 2weeks, he will be with me for 10days. Its been too long since i last seen him and i am brimming with excitement day to day. He is on my mind at least 10-20times a day and i have never been happier with anyone. He is a amazing man and he is fiercely faithful and loyal.

It made me feel really special because this trip would used up a good portion of his leave and he cant take days off easily because of his responsibilities.

The problem:

The past month or so

He is not excited about the upcoming trip, to visit my city or to see me.. I tell him all the time how excited i am to see him and he just smiles. I asked him if he is excited about the trip and all he said was that the months flew by so fast and its almost time to visit me, he is dreading the 9hour flight. (I would fly 9hours back and forth just to see him for a day anytime)

I feel like he bought the ticket to see me on an impulse since it was still very early into the relationship.
he is not regretting the decision but he maybe think that he shouldnt have spend all his vacation on us?

I recently got paranoid and asked him if he misses me and he said "honestly, im too busy to miss you or think about you and the past few months flew by so fast". I was dead inside when i heard that but i brushed it off because i didnt want him to feel sad or to be hurt because he misses me. but the other part of me was crushed.

<Birthday>

it was his birthday last month and i arranged gift delivery to his work place for him~ it arrived safely to him before noon. i thought he didnt received it because he replied thank you mesages on his facebook when his friends wrote on his wall and did not text or call me that he got his gift.
I confirmed with the delivery company that the gift was received and i was hurt that he replied to his friends wall messages but couldnt text me a simple "thank you message"

I texted him in the evening a happy birthday message and he only finally texted me back that night right before he went to bed saying "thank you for the sweet gift".. i dont get why i am the last person he would reply...

I am confused..i grow to fall for him for everyday but i cant shake the feeling that we are on different pages in the relationship.

(SORRY for the long post..)

I don't think you need to worry. It sounds like he is feeling apprehensive about the upcoming trip to see you. I can understand him dreading it, if he doesn't like flying. Some people do feel uncomfortable with flying. My ears hurt when I fly, and sometimes air turbulence causes slight nausea. For those reasons, I would dread an international flight. For me to visit my SO would require 19 hours. Even 9 hours would be daunting. I have only flown short domestic flights.

If he has been extra busy, he might not miss you as much as if he was just relaxing. I'm sure that when he's quiet, just relaxing or going to bed, he does miss you, even if he doesn't tell you. My SO is that way. But I can always pick up on his feelings on chat or on Skype.

As for him not replying to your birthday message, or thanking you for the gift until the last minute, it could be that he was busy, and didn't open the gift until later that evening. But he did thank you that night.

Some guys are not good about special occasions. Mine isn't. I have to remind him to check his e-mail when I send him special e-cards, and sometimes he is so busy he doesn't get around to it.
I checked my greeting card account today, and saw that he hasn't opened the last 4 I sent him. He says his phone doesn't always open them. He also doesn't send me special e-cards, but he does sent me special messages to inbox on Facebook. Anyway, he shows his love in other ways. That's what counts.

If he is taking time to Skype with you 3-4 times a week, an hour each, I really don't think you have to worry. Some of us get much less Skype time. But next time you Skype with him, ask him if something is bothering him. Then be willing to listen to him. Don't blame him, accuse him of not making you a priority in his life, or push and pressure him, but tell him how you feel.

**youngisthan** · April 11, 2014, 06:43 AM

I think you should talk about this issue with him, there must be something bothering him. So, its better you talk to him.

**squeeker** · April 11, 2014, 02:04 PM

I also was thinking that he might be very worried about flying to see you.

I am like you, I have flown to my SO and would happily fly there and back (when I have the money and available time to do so), but my boyfriend has not visited me yet. I KNOW it's not because he doesn't care about me. I know he loves me a lot. But he has an enormous fear of flying. Not just the typical flying jitters because it is combined with his PTSD and OCD and anxiety in general. I have anxiety but not nearly as much as he does, so the 9 hour flight scares him, because during that flight he wouldn't have as much control. We are working on it..

My advice is to try and figure out what it is that is making your boyfriend scared.. maybe it's the flight itself, and you could read up on everything he needs to know for the flight, talk to him about the check in/security procedures since you have already flown before, look up things on the safety of planes.. maybe it's that he's scared of meeting your family and friends and making a bad impression? And then you could calm his mind about that.. maybe it's something else.. try and be open to what it is.. and like others said, just because he didn't thank you first, doesn't mean he doesn't care. Maybe he wanted to write you an extra special one, wanted to put extra thought into it, so he built it up in his head and procrastinated on it and said the simple 'thank yous' on facebook. I think a text message takes more effort and more thought than simple 'thank yous' or 'likes' on facebook to his friends.

Just talk to him.. but be open to his reasons! There is a chance he doesn't care.. but there's also chances that he cares and just didn't express it well to you, or in the way you were expecting.

**Gingerlyme** · May 2, 2014, 12:12 AM

thank you guys for this! i had a wonderful time with my SO when he was here.
I asked him about the flight thing, we both travel a bit for work (me a whole lot more) so flying isnt a problem for me at all. He isnt afraid of flying but just the thought of being cramped up in a box with strangers for long hours is annoying to him (he is 6'1).

but we fixed our issues when he was here. most of it was just me being paranoid and making up problems in my head. but i stand still that i think i could improve our communications a lot more. i tend to keep my feelings to myself and he is pretty ignorant to feelings unless people are in his face.

but i am pretty sure we worked things out and the relationship is strong as it ever was

thanks for the input guys

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