Should I end my LDR?

[bethyylovee]

And do you really want to break up already over something like this? If you already consider giving up now, then how can you expect a marriage would ever work out? It would indeed almost certainly end up in divorce.

[squeeker]

There is more to my story, and why I think I should end my LDR. This may be long, please bare with me.
I visited him 24 days ago. I found a long blond hair in his bed, and I'm brunette.
Then I found maternity and baby clothes in his closet. They were covered up, and being hidden.

I was very upset and under a lot of distress. When I confronted him about the hair, he said it's nothing...it's my sisters or cousins. He acted like it was nothing.
Then when I asked him about the maternity and baby clothes he said they belonged to his cousin that had stayed there a couple of times because her boyfriend kicked her out, and she had know where to go.

I never heard of this pregnant cousin until my visit and I didn't know she was staying the night.

I'm starting to wonder if he is living a second life?
We do txt throughout the day and at night for the most part.
We agreed we would skype one a week and we haven't, because he says he is busy.

What are your thoughts?

That does sound weird!! I guess it's possible his story is true but it seems very fishy and I would be concerned too if something like that happened.. I would also feel like that would have been something he would have told you about... if he had his cousin staying there. I think you should try and skype more because on top of this information, a refusal to skype makes it sound more suspicious... like he has something to hide.

Maybe try writing down everything he has told you and see if you can find somewhere where the stories don't match up.. and then maybe you could casually ask about the event or something like you are interested in knowing and see if he is lying and his lies don't match up.

If he has nothing to hide he should feel comfortable sharing more about the story about his cousin because he shouldn't have anything to worry about... I am sorry you are in this position. You could give it more time to try and act normal but be on the lookout for any other abnormal behaviours... with this new information, he does seem like he is hiding something but I could be wrong.. but it's probably a good thing to keep your eyes and ears open in case he says anything else.. and try and talk to him about his stories, but in a casual way, just try and see if things match up. I don't know if this was good advice, I have been fortunate enough not to have been in this situation before.

[snow]

And do you really want to break up already over something like this? If you already consider giving up now, then how can you expect a marriage would ever work out? It would indeed almost certainly end up in divorce.

In regards to bethyylove's post I want to contribute a counter argument:
The OP is 35 and knows what she wants out of life. If marriage is important to her, she shouldn't have to feel obligated to be with someone who doesn't want to get married. This does not mean that it would end up in divorce if they did or that she is not cut out for a marriage per se, it simply means that she has her priorities set and wants someone who is on the same page.

Before I started dating my man I told him that in the future I want to get married and have kids - these are my priorities and if he didn't want to get married or have kids, I would not have dated him. Why should I waste my time with someone who doesn't share the same outlook on the future? I did that before and after 4 years of thinking I could "figure these things out" I had to leave him, because he didn't want to get married nor did he want to have kids in the future. I wasted those 4 years investing time, money and effort into a relationship that didn't work out.

Back to the topic: I still think she needs to figure out if it is a general opinion that some men share of marriages or if he doesn't want to get married to her. These are two different things - he can dislike marriages, but want to get married to her or he can dislike marriages and therefor not want to marry her.

[Moon]

In regards to bethyylove's post I want to contribute a counter argument:
The OP is 35 and knows what she wants out of life. If marriage is important to her, she shouldn't have to feel obligated to be with someone who doesn't want to get married. This does not mean that it would end up in divorce if they did or that she is not cut out for a marriage per se, it simply means that she has her priorities set and wants someone who is on the same page.

Before I started dating my man I told him that in the future I want to get married and have kids - these are my priorities and if he didn't want to get married or have kids, I would not have dated him. Why should I waste my time with someone who doesn't share the same outlook on the future? I did that before and after 4 years of thinking I could "figure these things out" I had to leave him, because he didn't want to get married nor did he want to have kids in the future. I wasted those 4 years investing time, money and effort into a relationship that didn't work out.

Back to the topic: I still think she needs to figure out if it is a general opinion that some men share of marriages or if he doesn't want to get married to her. These are two different things - he can dislike marriages, but want to get married to her or he can dislike marriages and therefor not want to marry her.

Excellent post, snow. By the time you've hit 35, you know pretty much what you want, and you aren't interested in waiting around on someone who doesn't, or wants different things than you do.

[nerdgasm42]

I think it's important to be open about your feelings, even more so in a LDR. Let him know first and foremost that you are supportive (as I'm sure you are) of his current difficulties. Maybe he's really fearing the extra burden of marriage right now since other aspects of his life are up in the air. It is difficult to be sure of the future and have a positive outlook when your present is crashing down around you. Stay true to your beliefs and wishes, but maintain the love and support you have shown him in the past. Once he comes through these tough times and things are better, his outlook may return to what it once was. Men so often feel the desire to take care of their women, and with financial burdens weighing him down, I would imagine this is a fresh worry in his mind.