He's cheating on me

[Keisha]

Yesterday I found out that my bf is cheating on me. I guess that's the reason why he has been distant. He doesn't know that I know yet. On top of that, I can't confront him because I found out because the person he told spoke of it. I don't want to get him involved. I don't know if I can forgive him and give him another chance. I've always heard once a cheater, always a cheater. But personally, I think someone can change if they want to.
Have any of you been in this situation? How would you handle this?

[Chlo]

I'm really sorry.
This is a tough situation since there is a middle person involved.
Quick question: Have you actually seen evidence that he is cheating, or is it just that this person has told you?
The problem with a third person is wondering whether to trust them or not, as they might just be causing problems.

If you have proof that he is cheating, I'd say end it and never look back. You're worth so much more.

[snow_girl]

You don't want to get involved? You already are, even if you aren't sure of what you'd like to do about it I think you need to let him know you are aware of it and see what happens from there. Does he show remorse? Does he deny it? Maybe after seeing how he reacts will tell you what you need to do. Don't just ignore it.

[CanadianGirl]

I agree that you should get some solid proof and talk to your boyfriend. If it does turn out that he's cheating, I think it's pretty clear the relationship isn't worth salvaging. You're not married, you don't have kids. You're at the age where it's unbelievably easy to meet a ton of people. You shouldn't commit yourself further to someone who's willing and able to hurt you like that.

[Keisha]

No I haven't seen evidence. But the middle person is related to me and he's also really close to him. They talk about everything. The middle person doesn't know that my bf and I are actually together. So he tells him everything.

[Keisha]

Snow_girl : I meant I don't want to get the middle person involved. I haven't spoken with him yet. So I'll see if he denies it.

CanadianGirl: If he denies it, I won't have any solid proof. I see where your coming from about it not being worth salvaging.

[Chlo]

Are you two official?
Seems odd to me that he hasn't told someone that close to him that you're dating but would tell him about someone else?
Are you sure your boyfriend has not told him about you but has been secretive?

[Keisha]

Yes we're official. Maybe he has told him. I didn't ask him if he did.

[Chlo]

I think you need more information about this situation.
I know it's tough, but you need to talk to them both to try and clear whatever is going on here.
If it's a mistake, then everything will be ok.
If he is cheating, he'll get what's coming to him.

[snow]

I don't believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater", but the key to this being proven wrong is that they show remorse and change. I cheated on my ex and I told him immediately afterwards, because I felt horrible about it. I learned from my mistake and will not cheat on my fiancé. Gather proof and confront him about it - no game playing like "babe where have you been at this time this day?", straightforward.

The only other thing I can imagine is, since this third person doesn't know of your relationship, maybe he is talking about you? That he is seeing someone - and that someone is you?

[sarahjane1992]

I would never trust a third party. They may not be telling the truth or have an ulterior motive. Even if they have evidence. I would need my own evidence and then to talk with my SO. There's always a chance the third party could be wrong or doesn't have all the facts.
Just talk with your SO. That's the only way you'll truly know. I hope he isn't cheating but if he is, it might be time to walk away. If you give him a second chance, boundaries and trust has to be built back up.
Good luck in whatever you choose.

[Jaac]

I would try and talk about it with him.
Maybe ask him straight foreward if he's seeing someone else and tell him to be honest.
Do it on skype, not whatsapp because it's easier to lie in a text message than when you're looking into someones eyes.

If he says no, you should trust him i think. You can't trust a third party for a 100%, and if you have a good relationship, you CAN trust your SO a 100%.

If he says yes, it's a different story. You need to think about wheter you can still trust him.
I believe people can make mistakes. But you do need to make sure you tell him this isn't something that can happen every now and then.
That it's a serious issue.
Ask him why he did it...

If it were my SO, I would not tolerate him cheating on me twice. However much I love him, if he cheated on my twice, he apparently can;t handle our LDR.
I do believe that you can make a mistake once. But you need to know why he did it and how he's never gonna do it again.

[Keisha]

Thanks everyone. I'm gonna talk to him and listen to his side of the story.

Snow, I'm sure that he wasn't talking about me because the things that he mentioned, we didn't do that.

[itsjen516]

i HATE cheaters so much i would end it to be honest. If he lied about that what else could he cheat about. i cant say i ever had to deal with it but I would really say something.

[curious_gal518]

It's best to ask him first. Might be better to get some validation from those assumptions and hearsays before deciding what to do next.

I've had a similar experience where my ex cheated on me. And worse was that I found it out from the girl who he cheated me with. We stayed together after that incident but we couldnt trust each other anymore. So months after, we broke up.

What I learned from it was that we had problems that we didnt address before, which caused him to cheat. And that if he loved me enough, he wouldve been patient to bring the trust back in the relationship. Because once trust is gone, then the relationship dies along with it.

I guess my advice would be to save yourself than to save the relationship. Because you can always find a relationship, but it's going to be hard trusting yourself and your (future or current) partner after a cheating relationship.