Is my SO living a double life?

[msnew007]

There is more to my story, and why I think I should end my LDR. This may be long, please bare with me.
I visited him 24 days ago. I found a long blond hair in his bed, and I'm brunette.
Then I found maternity and baby clothes in his closet. They were covered up, and being hidden.

I was very upset and under a lot of distress. When I confronted him about the hair, he said it's nothing...it's my sisters or cousins. He acted like it was nothing.
Then when I asked him about the maternity and baby clothes he said they belonged to his cousin that had stayed there a couple of times because her boyfriend kicked her out, and she had know where to go.

I never heard of this pregnant cousin until my visit and I didn't know she was staying the night.

I'm starting to wonder if he is living a second life?
We do txt throughout the day and at night for the most part.
We agreed we would skype one a week and we haven't, because he says he is busy.

What are your thoughts?

[nottheprincesspeach]

If you think things are fishy and not adding up, or if you feel like you are being lied to, then walk. If you think you could just be misunderstanding the situation, then don't. I think you already know what to do. Our opinions won't change how you feel. Do what's best for you.

[Moon]

We can't tell you whether or not you should end your LDR, only to go with what your gut instinct is telling you. Maybe you're looking too hard for a reason? I'd never have noticed a blond hair in my guy's bed, nor would I have snooped through his closet. You need to look deeper inside yourself and decide if the problem is your trust issues, or if you really have anything to worry about.

Keep in mind, not everybody is cut out to be in an LDR, there's no shame in that.

[Jaac]

It is weird that he didn't tell you about his pregnant cousing... That's something you would mention, I think.
Especially when she is sleeping in his house.

The baby clothes in his closet could be there for a reason. If his cousin does stay over, that could be a legitimit reason.

One thing is true: if you don't ask, you never know.
Tell him your concerns and talk about it. Then decide.

[msnew007]

Thank you for your thoughts.

[ldrxoxo]

I'd leave. I couldn't stay with someone if I didn't trust them at all and it sounds like something fishy is going on. You don't just make a "pregnant cousin" up out of nowhere.

[snow]

I'd leave. I couldn't stay with someone if I didn't trust them at all and it sounds like something fishy is going on. You don't just make a "pregnant cousin" up out of nowhere.

Which could also be a reason for why it is legit - why should he make up a pregnant cousin.
I would try to find out more about this, but I second Moon - I wouldn't notice different hair on my man's bed unless there were strands of them laying around :P maybe you are looking for a reason to break up?

[nerdgasm42]

I wish I could offer an easy answer, but ultimately you have to trust your instincts. If you feel that you can't trust him, then in my opinion it is time to move on. I've always second guessed my relationships in the past, including what my SO might be up to when he's not with me, and I thought that was normal. But to be honest, even being in my LDR, I don't worry about that. I trust my SO with all of my heart and soul, and that is no small feat for me. So I think that if you can't trust your SO, it might be time to cut your losses and move on.

Honestly, after him saying the hair might belong to his sister or cousin...well, which is it? Does he look you in the eye when he tells you this? I don't expect my SO to tell me every detail about his family, so maybe it is a legitimate story. Only he knows, really. So trust your instincts and do what is right for you.

Best wishes.

[msnew007]

I should have added he lives by himself, and when I was laying in his bed I noticed the hair. I just didn't know if I was being crazy or naive. When I asked him about the hair, he did look me in the eye and tell me that it wasn't a big deal. That it was probably his sisters or cousins. I thought up until that point I could trust him.

[snow]

What makes you so certain it is not his sister's or cousin's?

[piratemama]

Why not ask to meet any sisters and cousins with blonde hair that are pregnant?

[Moon]

If you can't trust the guy, you have to leave. You can't have a healthy LDR without it, it's impossible.

For some perspective, my boyfriend is Finnish, half the people in his country are blonds. At any given time, someone on the train, or the girl at the R-Kioski, or the waitress at the restaurant, or a co-worker might brush up against him, and transfer some strands of hair. He then goes home, and lays in bed. Some of those blond strands can easily transfer there. I'm not telling you to trust him, because you already don't, or that he's definitely not cheating, because I don't know that, but you've got to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, until you have better evidence.

[bethyylovee]

I found a blonde hair in an ex's bed once and FREAKED out. And he told me it was his sister's. My first thought was WHY the hell would his sister be sleeping in his bed? Plus I knew his sister lived out of town and I had hardly ever heard of her.

Then I met her and she was telling me about how she stayed at his house for a few days and stayed in his bed while he slept on the couch.

Everything isn't always what it seems at first. I would calm down some and talk to him about any concerns.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I found a blonde hair in an ex's bed once and FREAKED out. And he told me it was his sister's. My first thought was WHY the hell would his sister be sleeping in his bed? Plus I knew his sister lived out of town and I had hardly ever heard of her.

Then I met her and she was telling me about how she stayed at his house for a few days and stayed in his bed while he slept on the couch.

Everything isn't always what it seems at first. I would calm down some and talk to him about any concerns.

Makes sense to me.

[differentcountries]

Yes, strange hairs and surprising items may make you wonder, but you have only known him like half a year, surely he may have cousins you have not heard of, that is very plausible. Snooping deep into his closets without his permission is not helpful towards making him open up to you more, that only shows that you distrust him and are willing to push his boundries to "prove" your theories. If you want more honesty; open up about yourself. Show him that you mean businiss by sharing and dearing to be vonerable while also taking responsability for your emotions. I take it that him cheeting on you is your number one fear. Imagine that you are him. What do you think he fears the most? How do your actions play into his fears? Talk to him in a deeper way. Get to know more about his family, friends, everyday life, encourage him to share.