Am I just being crazy?

Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing well!

Well, its that time again! I need some advice...
I haven't been posting much lately because ive found that reading too much about other relationships kind of psyches me out in my own relationship.

Well, back in like....November?...i made a post about closing the distance with my SO. However, this was before he and I had even met! Ill admit that was a bit rushed haha, just a bit
Well, we now have one visit under our belts and one more coming up very quickly.

Here is where i need some advice. In the past my SO and I have talked about waiting another 2 years to close the distance due to my education and my job. Although, over the past month my job and educational situations have greatly changed. Now im no longer in school, and im leaving my job. Ive recently looked into other avenues for employment and ive found that I can get jobs very easily where my SO lives. I am not sure when ill head back to school, but i know that i am not done yet.

So I've been thinking about it, and I really want to close the distance with my SO. There is nothing holding me back, his family loves me, he wants me there...I even brought this up to my family and my sister, who was very much against my relationship from day one, tells me that im only young once, and if he truly makes me happy and being with him is what i want then I should do it....let me tell you that was nothing that i expected to hear...

I guess i just want to use this forum as the sounding board it has been for me in the past... I dont know how much advice there is to give, but i appreciate any words of wisdom! Thanks so much

[RedWhirlwind]

If you're not going to be giving up anything, and may even gain in terms of job availability, then I say go for it! With a caveat. Don't move in with him, at least not permanently. Move to his area, but get your own place for a little while so you can do the normal dating thing.

[jezebot]

I say: go for it, but have an emergency back up plan. That's my advice, but in your situation I'd go for it, back up plan or not! I'm already dreaming of closing the distance with my SO and we haven't even met yet, so I'm very much a "go for it" kinda girl. I wish you and your SO the best of luck! Keep us posted.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Firstly, I would advise not moving until you *have* a job in the new location. It's one thing to think that it seems like there's plenty of jobs available, it's another to actually land one. What do you do/what will you be doing in CT?
Does your SO work? It's hugely stressful if one partner struggles to find a job and the other is supporting them. (Not that it's not doable, but it's a pretty big thing to consider, especially being in your early 20s and I assume not having a lot of savings?)

Secondly, California and Connecticut are very different. Have you spent some time in New England? Again, not saying it should be a reason to not move here, but be aware that a lot of times people switching coasts have some initial struggles adjusting. A friend of mine asked his girlfriend to move in with him in Massachusetts from Arizona, and she had a very difficult time for awhile. The US is big enough that there can be a lot of homesickness and I think sometimes it catches people off guard because they don't think it will feel very different.

Thirdly, what does your support network look like? Do you only know your SO in CT, or do you have other friends? Will you be renting your own place? I would suggest it.. it will help you establish your own life, build your social circle, etc. When one person moves and uproots their entire life to be with a partner where they have a life, there can be some tension.. the partner who isn't moving has an established life.. job, friends. The person moving often expects that they'll be able to just slide right into that, or that their partner will be making adjustments, too, and to an extent that's true, but establishing your own life really helps ease the transition.

[TaraMarie]

Go for it! And it's easier to get a job when u
Live
there!

[Moon]

You're only 20 years old, if you're gonna be reckless and impulsive, now's the time If there's nothing holding you back, then go for it. Have an emergency fund, in case things don't work out though, but otherwise, why not? At 20, you don't need some career type of job, or a ton of money, you won't ever have this much freedom again, so use it to your advantage!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Go for it! And it's easier to get a job when u
Live
there!

Go for it! Really, what do you have to lose? Have a serious Skype talk with him, and get his ideas on it. Plan ahead, and do some research, if you haven't already, and even work out a Pros and Cons list. And then talk to him, ask him questions, share your plans with him, get everything out on the table TOGETHER.

It sounds exciting! Good luck to both of you!

[squeeker]

I think it sounds like you should do it too! Try and have some savings before you go, and have a backup plan, somewhere else to live, etc, especially since your relationship is still *fairly* new, and also be aware of what the other's said.. it will be an adjustment, especially if you have only been there once or twice, and you'll likely miss your family and friends a times.. do research of his area ahead of time, try and get a job before you arrive if possible, maybe your SO can even talk to some people for you, if that's possible. I think this sounds like a good opportunity for you, and as long as you feel good about it, and your family is supporting you too which is awesome, so I think you can do it, and no I don't think it's crazy (or a good kind of crazy!). Have fun

[blueorchid1]

first off i want to say thank you to all of this support! It feels wonderful knowing that people ive never met can still be so supportive and insightful!

Firstly, I would advise not moving until you *have* a job in the new location. It's one thing to think that it seems like there's plenty of jobs available, it's another to actually land one. What do you do/what will you be doing in CT?
Does your SO work? It's hugely stressful if one partner struggles to find a job and the other is supporting them. (Not that it's not doable, but it's a pretty big thing to consider, especially being in your early 20s and I assume not having a lot of savings?)

Secondly, California and Connecticut are very different. Have you spent some time in New England? Again, not saying it should be a reason to not move here, but be aware that a lot of times people switching coasts have some initial struggles adjusting. A friend of mine asked his girlfriend to move in with him in Massachusetts from Arizona, and she had a very difficult time for awhile. The US is big enough that there can be a lot of homesickness and I think sometimes it catches people off guard because they don't think it will feel very different.

Thirdly, what does your support network look like? Do you only know your SO in CT, or do you have other friends? Will you be renting your own place? I would suggest it.. it will help you establish your own life, build your social circle, etc. When one person moves and uproots their entire life to be with a partner where they have a life, there can be some tension.. the partner who isn't moving has an established life.. job, friends. The person moving often expects that they'll be able to just slide right into that, or that their partner will be making adjustments, too, and to an extent that's true, but establishing your own life really helps ease the transition.

Well, in California I am a certified nurses assistant. I am positive that I can find a job where he lives because his mom has connections to several local facilities, aanndd knowing that this job typically has a high turnover rate, there are usually positions open. Also, I am a home health aide, so if needed I am able to stay at a patients home and care for them. Currently my SO doe snot have a job, but I will touch on that in the other parts of my response. And luckily for me haha while growing up in a house hold with three children and a single parent, ive had money saving drilled into my mind ha. Due to past school expenses, I have got about 3000 saved up right now, however I know that one cannot survive on that alone haha.

In response to some of your other questions, I have been in love with the west coast (Mainly Washington) for most of my life. I realize that the east coast and the west coast can, at times, be drastically different! I mean, humidity? what is that? haha So on this and your mentions of homesickness i very much agree, it could come as quite a shock for me! However I try my best to accept change and embrace the positivity in most situations And as for my homesickness...If i could pack my mother in a box and take her with me? OH i so would! but mainly for the emotional support. And thank goodness for technology because, although it will not ever be the same as a hug from my mother while im sad, simply hearing her voice makes me feel better when mi down.

As for the support network, I do not have many connections outside of my SO and his family on the East coast. I have a few distant relatives, but that's about it. Although, when I met his closest friends they all welcomed me so openly into their lives. He has one friend who is getting married soon and his fiance wants me to be in her wedding party! (it shocked me a little, haha). BUt again I find myself agreeing with you, it is so important for individuals in a relationship to maintain their own sense of self and their own social circles. I am a very outgoing person, and it has never been very hard for me to make friends, and for this i am very grateful.
I hope this helped give some helpful insight to my situation!

You're only 20 years old, if you're gonna be reckless and impulsive, now's the time If there's nothing holding you back, then go for it. Have an emergency fund, in case things don't work out though, but otherwise, why not? At 20, you don't need some career type of job, or a ton of money, you won't ever have this much freedom again, so use it to your advantage!

I totally love your approach with this haha! I totally get that this is my time to be reckless and wild! and i love that! Sometimes I just want to act on my instincts! Although, usually i dont because while i have a raging wild side, I have a dominant logical side that tends to weigh situations before I get too too involved.
I feel that this is something that I can proudly say I attempted while I was young, and thats what i keep trying to remember. If i do move to be with him, it does not mean its a life sentence; and it also means that its okay to make mistakes, but i am okay knowing that I could be making a huge mistake because I never want to have such a giant "what if" in my past....im not huge on the unknowns haha.

Go for it! Really, what do you have to lose? Have a serious Skype talk with him, and get his ideas on it. Plan ahead, and do some research, if you haven't already, and even work out a Pros and Cons list. And then talk to him, ask him questions, share your plans with him, get everything out on the table TOGETHER.

It sounds exciting! Good luck to both of you!

I accept your wishes for good luck and will use them wisely
Your advice about speaking openly and together with my SO on this subject was spot on! And that is exactly what we did, but over the phone haha because we were both very busy today.

so here is what went down:

After I made this post my SO (who does not have any affiliation with LFAD) called my up just to say hello. Because im not good at sitting on my ideas for long, I mentioned to my SO what i had been thinking about. and he wanted to hear more. So i told him about how my job here is making me miserable, how i feel like I just need a break from school, how i would love to be there with him and that I believe we can make everything work out!
Well, needless to say he was a bit speechless....we have talked about going CD before, at great lengths actually, but i have always been the one to hold back. Saying we needed to wait for my education and what not. But after a year of this horrid down hill repetition in my education, i decided its time i stop putting so much pressure on myself, and my SO agreed. However, I think he thought I was joking, or he doesnt want to get his hopes up in case i were to change my mind a few weeks from now.
well after he realized that i was in fact not joking and that I was sound in my reasons for moving, he told me there was something he needed to tell me.

As it turns out, his mother (whom he currently lives with) has decided she wants to move back to Georgia (where my SO was born). So, when i heard that I was so excited for my SO because he has talked about moving for a while, but was always waiting on his mother to come around. His father lives in Georgia and has already found a job through friends there for my SO. Also, his Aunt in Georgia is going to let him rent a home that she owns! This means that he will finally have a job he loves, as well as a place of his own!

So what my SO and I agreed upon was this: for now, we will put talks of moving on hold. After he moves from CT to GA, has his job in order, and is settled in this new living space, then we will more seriously discuss options for me moving. He is ecstatic that I want to move with him. HOwever, we both know that I have a lot more research to do, and that I need at least one visit to GA before deciding to see if I even like it there....I hear its hot almost all the time...and I cant stand humid or hot....im a cool weather girl all the way...

So, I will definitely keep everyone posted! Thanks again for all of your support

[nerdgasm42]

I am so impressed as to how you are handling everything with this, wow! You are very mature and wise, and I'm sure that no matter what you do, things will work out. It sure sounds like you have found a keeper as well! Isn't that just the greatest feeling?

I understand a bit about jumping the gun on wanting to close the distance. It's hard when you find that one person who is everything you wanted, but they are far away. I had been in several other relationships and planned on "settling," and then poof, my SO comes along and sweeps me off of my feet! No settling for us anymore, hmm?

May I ask what you are going to school for, and how far away from graduation you are? Just keep in mind with the move that it will take time to establish residency, or otherwise you will overpay a ton for out of state tuition. That's what I'm struggling with right now - after Fall semester of this year I will be 30 credits from receiving my Bachelor's! I want to just pack up and go but I know I need to finish this now. (It's actually probably better this way, because otherwise I fear we may rush things a bit too much. It's difficult being apart, but at least this kind of forces us into doing the smart thing, lol).

Anyways. Wow I am rambly this morning. But I get so excited when I see things going well for other people in similar situations! It sure gives me hope for the future. Best wishes to you and your SO!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Firstly, I would advise not moving until you *have* a job in the new location. It's one thing to think that it seems like there's plenty of jobs available, it's another to actually land one. What do you do/what will you be doing in CT?
Does your SO work? It's hugely stressful if one partner struggles to find a job and the other is supporting them. (Not that it's not doable, but it's a pretty big thing to consider, especially being in your early 20s and I assume not having a lot of savings?)

Secondly, California and Connecticut are very different. Have you spent some time in New England? Again, not saying it should be a reason to not move here, but be aware that a lot of times people switching coasts have some initial struggles adjusting. A friend of mine asked his girlfriend to move in with him in Massachusetts from Arizona, and she had a very difficult time for awhile. The US is big enough that there can be a lot of homesickness and I think sometimes it catches people off guard because they don't think it will feel very different.

Thirdly, what does your support network look like? Do you only know your SO in CT, or do you have other friends? Will you be renting your own place? I would suggest it.. it will help you establish your own life, build your social circle, etc. When one person moves and uproots their entire life to be with a partner where they have a life, there can be some tension.. the partner who isn't moving has an established life.. job, friends. The person moving often expects that they'll be able to just slide right into that, or that their partner will be making adjustments, too, and to an extent that's true, but establishing your own life really helps ease the transition.

Yes, being homesick could be a real concern, but really, CT and CA are not so far apart that you can't fly home once in a while, maybe for Thanksgiving or Christmas, or a summer vacation. The main thing is you would be with the man you love. That is priceless! Everything else can be adjusted.