Girlfriend Being cold. Need Help!

[heartstolen]

In 2012 Feb, I went across the country at a wedding, so I met this girl, who was my cousin, but I didn't knew her because we had never met before. I never eye contacted her, and I knew that she is always looking at me like crazy and wanted me to look at her.
I didn't.
She added me on Facebook somehow, then she gave me her cell number, we started talking on the cellphone.
The wedding was over, and I had to go back to my city, and when I came back, she started crying that she misses me.
I loved her, but wanted to hear it from her. So I played a little game, and started judging her. She was going crazy about me. And on March 14th, 2012, I proposed her.
Then we started talking every single second on the cellphone, and everything was too damn good. That I forgot my own life, and was goin' CRAZY for her. A year passed, we had a great time, communicating through a distance.
After July, 2013, things started to be going bad for me. We used to share our bodies through the technology, and used to send pictures of us before July 2013, but after that, I used to blackmail her and abused her because of her behavior with me, I started losing my respect. She started lying to me about things. She started to avoid me, by not talking to me for the whole day, but half the day. We started having fights every single day. But never stopped talking. She stopped apologizing for her mistakes. Our relation seemed to be at its end. Then in February 2014, I decided to meet her for the first time (Being in a relationship) . She cried, and we hugged, kissed, we didn't talked too much about every fight we had, but the few points. She forgave me for my every mistake because I promised her that I won't let her down by abusing or blackmailing her no matter whatever she do. She was so happy. She accepted my apologies, and I spent the 6 BEST days of life with her.

Then I came back to my city, thinking that she won't ignore me again and we will be the happiest couple ever. Duh !

Alright, first of all my mistakes I did in the past two years of our relationship:
1. Disrespected her.
2. Broke her trust.
3. Abused her verbally at extreme. In the past.
4. Blackmailed her. But Not anymore !
5. I was very needy for her till 17th-April-2014.
6. I did not knew the reciprocity technique.
7. I did not knew women.
8. I gave her all my time, without thinking that it was bad for me.
9. I taunted her always.
10. I NEVER trusted her.
11. I NEVER let her do what she wanted.

And due to all of this, I got so stressed, that I began to smoke cigarettes and weed. I've quit weed now.
The most major thing, that my hair started to fall due to extreme care and tensions for my girlfriend.

Now a list of her problems:
1. She does not respects me ALWAYS.
2. She replies to my texts after 3 to 8 hours. Sometimes after a day.
3. She ignores me.
4. She doesn't care about me.
5. She says that she loves me a lot still, and will never ever breakup with me no matter what the situation is. And yes that's true, because I've tried breaking up with her 10 times, but first of all she won't let me go, secondly, I couldn't live without her even for a single day. So IF that happens by any chance, I'll just go mad. But if there's no other option, I'll chose to do it by myself for the last time.
6. She doesn't do what she always did FOR ME. She is now doing every single thing that I hate.
7. She used to apologize more than I had ever imagine ( She used to send me maximum 20 apology messages. Every message was of 6 pages), But now I just get a text from her saying I'm sorry (with a cry emoticon).
8. I've talked to her about everything and she cries, apologizes, and the next day she start to do those things that I hate again and again.
9. She used to talk to me everywhere she went. At home specially. But now she says that my mom is around can't talk, and stops replying for 3 to 5 hours.
10. She has HARDLY talked to me at nights. Let's say in this two years relationship, we've talked for about 18-20 times at nights. Because when she's texting me, she fells asleep. So that makes me think that I am not important to her.
11. She NOW gives priorities to EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY else except for me. But she says that I am most Important to her.


What my problem really is that, she talks to me very nicely whenever we talk, but in a disrespectful way. Like, if she has hurted me and broke my heart into pieces, and I try to ignore those things, so I've a heartache even when I am talking to her, because she does not care about her mistakes ANYMORE.
She is very calm, but I always had the feeling that my heart stopped, and my head is just about to burst.
I've been crying for a month now EVERY single night. I couldn't get my mind off of her no matter what I do.
I couldn't go to my university regularly,
I can not sleep more than 3 hours,
I can not eat,
I cannot watch TV or spend my time on studies, or computer, like I always used to do,
I cannot sit alone do nothing,
I cannot play my guitar,
I mean I want to be free of all this, I am still working on it, but I keep failing. And I am so in deep pain that I wish I could tell you about it.

Till 17th April 2014, I was too childish, and too NEEDY, that I did not realized at first that I am losing my girlfriend with all my acts. But after researching about my problems being in LDR, I got to understand that I have to give her some space, and that I do not have to let her know that I need her. Things started to get clear in my head.

My girlfriend talked to me yesterday about 20 hours ago. She apologized once. I said that it's ok. But then she started questioning me, that:
do I love her?
do I miss her?
Has she gotten out of my heart?
Then she said, Do you have anything to talk about, I said just keep talking to me, but don't ask these questions, as they will lead us to a fight that I don't really wanna get into again.
She replied me with a cry emoticon. And after that I have texted her just 4 times to let her know that I want to talk to her on the call. And I just got a reply from her an hour ago that she will talk to me when she will be able to. It's monday, a hectic day for her. But tomorrow she'll talk to me.
She does mistakes, and Most of the times, she now does not apologize for them.

That's where My Long Distance Relationship is standing right now.
From 3 days, I've started to not text her until she texts me first. I've started to reply her 5 - 15 minutes late.
And guess what? She asked me:
"Do you not miss me anymore? :'("
"Do you love me or not?"
And I calmly replied to her that yes i love you. NOTHING ELSE. Is this right?
OK, today I was talking to her, when she suddenly said that
"I know, you can not live without me"
That's when I scratched my head, and I recalled all of the people's advices in my head. That this is on her head, and this is why I've lost her attention.


One last thing I gotta tell you is that Please DO NOT suggest me to buy books or courses that will cost me.
Because I don't have a credit/debit/Visa or any other card for online shopping.
My mother does not have any card either. And I don't have a father who can help me.
So IF POSSIBLE FOR YOU, kindly just tell me what to do according to my situation. I'll be ALWAYS thankful to you and will ALWAYS remember you in my prayers.

It seems like I've got stabbed in my heart, and can't do anything else, except for cry, smoke A LOT, think of the moments we've spent together, being angry and extremely frustrated with my life.
It's like the worst nightmare come true.
My heart is broken into million pieces. I love her so much that I wish I could tell. I can't breath properly. So if you guys think that there is no other chance for me rather than to breakup with her, I'll do that. And I WANT to breakup with the girl I sacrificed my everything for, because of all the problems I am facing since the last 5 - 6 months ALONE.
Really need help and ADVICES, that will HELP me getting my heart back into the way it was. (Sighs!!) :'(
Looking forward to hear from you soon !

Regards,
Hamza.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

In 2012 Feb, I went across the country at a wedding, so I met this girl, who was my cousin, but I didn't knew her because we had never met before. I never eye contacted her, and I knew that she is always looking at me like crazy and wanted me to look at her.
I didn't.
She added me on Facebook somehow, then she gave me her cell number, we started talking on the cellphone.
The wedding was over, and I had to go back to my city, and when I came back, she started crying that she misses me.
I loved her, but wanted to hear it from her. So I played a little game, and started judging her. She was going crazy about me. And on March 14th, 2012, I proposed her.
Then we started talking every single second on the cellphone, and everything was too damn good. That I forgot my own life, and was goin' CRAZY for her. A year passed, we had a great time, communicating through a distance.
After July, 2013, things started to be going bad for me. We used to share our bodies through the technology, and used to send pictures of us before July 2013, but after that, I used to blackmail her and abused her because of her behavior with me, I started losing my respect. She started lying to me about things. She started to avoid me, by not talking to me for the whole day, but half the day. We started having fights every single day. But never stopped talking. She stopped apologizing for her mistakes. Our relation seemed to be at its end. Then in February 2014, I decided to meet her for the first time (Being in a relationship) . She cried, and we hugged, kissed, we didn't talked too much about every fight we had, but the few points. She forgave me for my every mistake because I promised her that I won't let her down by abusing or blackmailing her no matter whatever she do. She was so happy. She accepted my apologies, and I spent the 6 BEST days of life with her.

Then I came back to my city, thinking that she won't ignore me again and we will be the happiest couple ever. Duh !

Alright, first of all my mistakes I did in the past two years of our relationship:
1. Disrespected her.
2. Broke her trust.
3. Abused her verbally at extreme. In the past.
4. Blackmailed her. But Not anymore !
5. I was very needy for her till 17th-April-2014.
6. I did not knew the reciprocity technique.
7. I did not knew women.
8. I gave her all my time, without thinking that it was bad for me.
9. I taunted her always.
10. I NEVER trusted her.
11. I NEVER let her do what she wanted.

And due to all of this, I got so stressed, that I began to smoke cigarettes and weed. I've quit weed now.
The most major thing, that my hair started to fall due to extreme care and tensions for my girlfriend.

Now a list of her problems:
1. She does not respects me ALWAYS.
2. She replies to my texts after 3 to 8 hours. Sometimes after a day.
3. She ignores me.
4. She doesn't care about me.
5. She says that she loves me a lot still, and will never ever breakup with me no matter what the situation is. And yes that's true, because I've tried breaking up with her 10 times, but first of all she won't let me go, secondly, I couldn't live without her even for a single day. So IF that happens by any chance, I'll just go mad. But if there's no other option, I'll chose to do it by myself for the last time.
6. She doesn't do what she always did FOR ME. She is now doing every single thing that I hate.
7. She used to apologize more than I had ever imagine ( She used to send me maximum 20 apology messages. Every message was of 6 pages), But now I just get a text from her saying I'm sorry (with a cry emoticon).
8. I've talked to her about everything and she cries, apologizes, and the next day she start to do those things that I hate again and again.
9. She used to talk to me everywhere she went. At home specially. But now she says that my mom is around can't talk, and stops replying for 3 to 5 hours.
10. She has HARDLY talked to me at nights. Let's say in this two years relationship, we've talked for about 18-20 times at nights. Because when she's texting me, she fells asleep. So that makes me think that I am not important to her.
11. She NOW gives priorities to EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY else except for me. But she says that I am most Important to her.


What my problem really is that, she talks to me very nicely whenever we talk, but in a disrespectful way. Like, if she has hurted me and broke my heart into pieces, and I try to ignore those things, so I've a heartache even when I am talking to her, because she does not care about her mistakes ANYMORE.
She is very calm, but I always had the feeling that my heart stopped, and my head is just about to burst.
I've been crying for a month now EVERY single night. I couldn't get my mind off of her no matter what I do.
I couldn't go to my university regularly,
I can not sleep more than 3 hours,
I can not eat,
I cannot watch TV or spend my time on studies, or computer, like I always used to do,
I cannot sit alone do nothing,
I cannot play my guitar,
I mean I want to be free of all this, I am still working on it, but I keep failing. And I am so in deep pain that I wish I could tell you about it.

Till 17th April 2014, I was too childish, and too NEEDY, that I did not realized at first that I am losing my girlfriend with all my acts. But after researching about my problems being in LDR, I got to understand that I have to give her some space, and that I do not have to let her know that I need her. Things started to get clear in my head.

My girlfriend talked to me yesterday about 20 hours ago. She apologized once. I said that it's ok. But then she started questioning me, that:
do I love her?
do I miss her?
Has she gotten out of my heart?
Then she said, Do you have anything to talk about, I said just keep talking to me, but don't ask these questions, as they will lead us to a fight that I don't really wanna get into again.
She replied me with a cry emoticon. And after that I have texted her just 4 times to let her know that I want to talk to her on the call. And I just got a reply from her an hour ago that she will talk to me when she will be able to. It's monday, a hectic day for her. But tomorrow she'll talk to me.
She does mistakes, and Most of the times, she now does not apologize for them.

That's where My Long Distance Relationship is standing right now.
From 3 days, I've started to not text her until she texts me first. I've started to reply her 5 - 15 minutes late.
And guess what? She asked me:
"Do you not miss me anymore? :'("
"Do you love me or not?"
And I calmly replied to her that yes i love you. NOTHING ELSE. Is this right?
OK, today I was talking to her, when she suddenly said that
"I know, you can not live without me"
That's when I scratched my head, and I recalled all of the people's advices in my head. That this is on her head, and this is why I've lost her attention.


One last thing I gotta tell you is that Please DO NOT suggest me to buy books or courses that will cost me.
Because I don't have a credit/debit/Visa or any other card for online shopping.
My mother does not have any card either. And I don't have a father who can help me.
So IF POSSIBLE FOR YOU, kindly just tell me what to do according to my situation. I'll be ALWAYS thankful to you and will ALWAYS remember you in my prayers.

It seems like I've got stabbed in my heart, and can't do anything else, except for cry, smoke A LOT, think of the moments we've spent together, being angry and extremely frustrated with my life.
It's like the worst nightmare come true.
My heart is broken into million pieces. I love her so much that I wish I could tell. I can't breath properly. So if you guys think that there is no other chance for me rather than to breakup with her, I'll do that. And I WANT to breakup with the girl I sacrificed my everything for, because of all the problems I am facing since the last 5 - 6 months ALONE.
Really need help and ADVICES, that will HELP me getting my heart back into the way it was. (Sighs!!) :'(
Looking forward to hear from you soon !

Regards,
Hamza.

You don't have to spend any money to get a very helpful course. Download the Workbook on this site. It is free! You definitely need a lot of help.

Your first mistake was the game playing and judging her. And then you started emotionally abusing her! As it stands now, you have a very toxic relationship. I don't see any real love there, just addiction, game playing, manipulation, and abuse. I think both of you need a long break from each other, so you can get over the issues you both have.

As for you, you are severely depressed. That is why you cannot do even the things you used to enjoy doing. Short of medical treatment, or therapy, which you might need, the best treatment for depression is to force yourself to get back to a normal routine. I know that is hard, because I have a tendency toward depression, and sometimes it takes all my energy to force myself out of bed. You said you gave everything to her. So, you probably depleted your energy, too. So you need rest, exercise, good food, fresh air and sunshine, and to find something you really enjoy doing. She can't give you happiness, you have to find that in yourself.

I really feel that you need to have a break from communicating with her for a while, so you can break the addictive pattern you have set up with this. Take a few weeks to create a healthier life pattern for yourself, and then decide later if you want to continue with her. Another alternative might be to just e-mail her, once or twice a month, and stay off chat and Skype, which is too easy to get addicted to, especially if you spend every minute, as you said you did.

Take it slow, be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself and get your strength back. Right now YOU, and your own life, should be your priority.

[TwoThree]

Your relationship is extremely unhealthy and seems pretty toxic to the both of you.

Also, she's your cousin.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Your relationship is extremely unhealthy and seems pretty toxic to the both of you.

Also, she's your cousin.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Your relationship is extremely unhealthy and seems pretty toxic to the both of you.

Also, she's your cousin.

I didn't think to mention that red flag, but doesn't it depend on how closely related cousins are? I know 1st cousins are usually against the law, but what about 2nd cousins? The OP didn't specify. But really, I tried to be kind and give him advice that might help, but I don't see any hope for this relationship without a complete overhaul. It sounds like a major karmic mess.

[differentcountries]

It sounds like you're not very nice to each other.

When someone feels like your worst nightmare, it usually means you don't understand where the other person is coming from. And you forget to apologize. Yes, you. You must do it. For not being very nice and not understanding her. You should think about her happiness just as much as your own.

[Zapookie]

Wow uhh... my only advice is to break up and cut contact with her. You've both hurt each other too much to be able to come back from it. I think you need to mature some more before you enter another relationship. It's never OK to verbally abuse and be a downright dickhead to the people you love. Sorry.

[Luc]

To be honest this sounds like a very bad abusive relationship. When I say abusive I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about you.

I'd need to hear the story from her side to get the full picture, and maybe she did indeed do things wrong and did things she shouldn't have done, but you sir, do not seem to respect your girlfriend as an equal. You seem to be a very insecure and weak person with self-worth issues, which turned you into a dominant abusive boyfriend. I'm really sorry to say this, but someone had to, might as well be me.

If you want things to change, then change things in yourself first. Learn how to be a proper boyfriend, then your girlfriend will follow. If not, then you should just break up with her.

That said, I think things might already be too late for you two. There is too much bad blood between the two of you, to many issues, too much resentment. I think it's best to break up now and reflect on yourself and your relationship, hopefully you'll see where you went wrong and how to do thing differently the next time you're in a relationship.

[sarahjane1992]

To be honest this sounds like a very bad abusive relationship. When I say abusive I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about you.

I'd need to hear the story from her side to get the full picture, and maybe she did indeed do things wrong and did things she shouldn't have done, but you sir, do not seem to respect your girlfriend as an equal. You seem to be a very insecure and weak person with self-worth issues, which turned you into a dominant abusive boyfriend. I'm really sorry to say this, but someone had to, might as well be me.

If you want things to change, then change things in yourself first. Learn how to be a proper boyfriend, then your girlfriend will follow. If not, then you should just break up with her.

That said, I think things might already be too late for you two. There is too much bad blood between the two of you, to many issues, too much resentment. I think it's best to break up now and reflect on yourself and your relationship, hopefully you'll see where you went wrong and how to do thing differently the next time you're in a relationship.

This is really good advice and I hope the OP takes it. I've always heard that before a person gets into a relationship they should first be happy/content with themselves. (Paraphrasing but that's the general idea.) It sounds like both parties are at fault in this relationship. And that's why I agree that it's a good idea to end it and figure the problems out. From reading the original post I heard no positive aspects from the relationship. To me it sounds toxic and destructive, for both parties. And that should never be part of a healthy loving relationship.

[NerdyChick]

When all you seem to be dealing with is self-induced problem after problem in a relationship...you have a problem relationship. I agree with the others, you need to get some perspective and do some serious introspection on how you define the words "love" and "relationship." It's really easy to say you "love" someone, but actions speak louder than words, and you need to figure out what else is needed in a relationship to keep it healthy and functional. Right now what you both have is very toxic and unhealthy, and both of you have done a lot of damage. It's good that you recognize blackmailing her and abusing her isn't good, but you and her seem to be in no way ready to be a committed relationship. Take a break from this, figure yourself out first, learn to be able to sit with feelings without becoming needy, playing games, or becoming abusive. When you can be truly comfortable being by yourself (single) than you will be ready to bring someone into your life without using them as a means of escape. I feel a lot of people tend to skip that step, than they fall in love with a fantasy and not the reality. But yeah, while I'm sure you would like to hear people tell you you can save this relationship, it honestly sounds like the intervention is coming a little too late. Especially if you are currently not able to function and preform your other life priorities as a result. In my opinion, time to move on.