Communication at its not-so-finest

[roseallai]

Here's my long distance experience.

We don't live too far apart, only an hour and a half, however neither of us can drive. To be fair, I should be driving but I've been pretty lazy about the whole process and thus never completed it.

We do get to see each other, which I'm quite grateful for, but our conversations (via text or skype) are very dull. Sometimes they're just very uneventful or even unenjoyable (rarely, though). However, the few times we see each other in person, we have no problem. This is undoubtably because of our nonverbal communication when we're face to face.

Having someone be physically in front of you who you can show affection towards you in other ways is a big deal. It provides intimacy and a connection on a deeper level.

Which therefore is the ultimate challenge in a long distance relationship.

And it's not that I need every conversation to always be deep and intimate. In fact, we frequently make fun of each other and tell jokes instead of being like the stereotypical couple. Neither of us are the kinds of people to throw out "I love you's," which again, I am fine with.

I'm not, however, fine with our disconnect. I feel that we are never able to have an active conversation with one another. He's doing something while talking to me, and I'm doing something else. We are constantly involved in something that isn't each other.

These are just some thoughts , but specifically, what is the best way to help initiate active conversation? How can I express my discontentment? Thank you all

[NerdyChick]

Talk to your SO, explain what you've explained here. That you have a need to still feel connected even at a distance and that both of your current habits aren't working and that need isn't being met. You say you are both always multitasking while talking to each other at a distance? Stop doing that, or if you are going to do something, do something together. Watch a movie together, or a favorite TV show, introduce each other to things you both love, but the other may not have seen or heard. My SO and I introduce each other to new shows and bands all the time, or if neither of us has a lot to talk about, we will watch a show we both enjoy together or a comedy stand up special so we can just laugh together. Even funny youtube videos or interesting articles can be an ice breaker. If you have to multitask, maybe include him in what you're up to? Sometimes I do class work while we are skyping, so explaining to him what I'm working on keeps the line open and helps me better retain the info. I mean sure not being in each others presence is tough, but communication is important whether LD or CD and it provides for a much deeper level of connection than I think the physical stuff ever can. Sure body feedback is great, but you can get that on skype if it isn't too laggy. I know my SO inside-out, I can tell you everything from his shoe size to his biggest life regret to his fondest childhood memory. I don't think you guys have run out of things to talk about, it's just a matter of getting out of the rut and being a bit more proactive about your communication. Look up 'couples question' for fun, ask each other random things about one another. As for your discontentment about it, always talk to your SO first and foremost. If you want communication that means both the easy stuff and the not so easy stuff. That's one of the great things about having a true partner, you should never be scared to voice if a need isn't being completely met. If you are struggling, let your partner know. I think you explained your concerns quite well in this post, so use it as a guide to the conversation maybe?

[differentcountries]

There is a lot of non-verbal communication going on online, too. What you don't get is touch and to move around together. For me, I love to see him move in front of the camera and to see him in the eyes. I think actually that is sometimes better online, because I am less shy to just watch him!

We don't say "I love you" much, but we say "I miss you" almost every day. "Thinking about you" and "Looking forward to see you" at least weekly.

We have gone through periods will dull conversation, what I did was finding couples questions online. I also made my own list of thing I want to know about him and went through them one by one (throwing them into regular conversation). Likewise I told him to think of things that he wants to know. Turned out he was curious about lots of things! Some of the questions I asked him, noone had asked him before and it was a lot of fun. Also, you can come up with ideas of what you will do together, weather that will be cooking together, go on a trip or try something new in bed. Another thing I like and that has worked for us, is Skyping (or sending Viber messages with pictures) from outside. When I miss him, I can feel I am there or that he is there with me. And also, try to have fun! Make an effort to make each other laugh, that is so important. Try to remember your old "couples' jokes" or make new ones.

I agree with NerdyChick; don't multitask when your connection is poor. Consentrate on each other and try to LEARN something about the other person, or just appreciate to be in each other's presence.