I dont know what to do....

Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing well!

So i am a bit confused...

My so will be here to visit in 13 days!! Im so excited! But, at the same time i have quite the problem....well i guess its not a HUGE issue...but non the less, i need some advice.
Recently my SO and I have really been in a rut...we havent skyped in a while, we hardly talk anymore, yet we always tells each other we miss one another and that we love each other...but I feel like we arent connecting anymore... This is why i am so excited for his trip! I have secretly planned for us to spend the first three days of his trip just the two of us! He will be here for 8 days and i am so glad because this will be our first visit in 5 months!

Here is my problem....working while he visits....For the past few months I have been looking to switch jobs, and i hadnt heard from any employers! Until yesterday! I got a call for a part time job that I have been hoping to get to accommodate my busy school schedule....The manager said that I could start ASAP, and that they could even give me the three weeks off in August to visit my So because I already bought my ticket... My SO and I were already planning on the fact that I would have to work at my current night job for 4 night of his visit, but if I take this job and work both, I will have less time to be around him.

I want to take this job and begin working ASAP in order to start saving money and working two jobs over the summer. However my biggest issue is how to tell my SO... On monday he and I had a big argument about how he feels that in our relationship many things are my way or no way, and one of those being visits....He already feels that he wont see me at all on our visit because of my current job...so telling him about adding this next possible job he has already told me that it is going to make everything harder for our relationship...

i dont know what to do because my gut says work the two jobs, i need the money for school and the savings would be awesome over the summer before i have to work only part-time for school....but i worry about what taking this second job will do to my relationship... My so complains that he feels like everything revolves around my schedule, and hes right. but ive tried to explain that because i work and go to school it will feel that way because he is unemployed...

im rambling because im stressed.....I would love any advice anyone is willing to give! thanks so much

[differentcountries]

He is right. You won't be able to see him much if you during 8 days will work 4 nights and some days. Is there any way you can start you new job after his visit is over?

[blueorchid1]

well the training period is the first two weeks and each shift is only three hours long..
I told the manager I could start on the 19th of May, which is near the end of his trip because he is leaving on the 21st...but it would only be a total of three hours each day before he leaves...

im just worried I may loose out on the opportunity if I dont jump on it now...but im also worried about how hes going to react if i take the job

[RachelAnne]

It sounds like you really want this job, and you need to do what's best for you in the long run. If you need the two jobs to save money, I would go ahead and take the second job...is there any way you can ask to begin training as soon as your SO leaves?

[Courtney]

This is a hard situation, but I can relate. My SO promised he come for my college graduation, but then upon asking his boss, (He's a bar manager), his boss told him if he left they would shut down the bar for the 5 days he would be gone. Long story short, now he's not coming and I'm going up there to see him. He's not going to be able to take anytime off and he is both the manager of the bar and works full-time at Safeway. So, when I go he's going to be working between 90-110 hours a week. It sucks! But I know that he needs to work those jobs to make provide for his kids and make the money he's used to when he was commercial fishing.

So, I don't know if their is a way to explain to your SO that you need these jobs to provide for yourself. You've planned a nice getaway for when he first arrives, this new job is only 3 hours a day. Try to explain to him that you guys will have time to spend together, but right now times are hard and you need this job to workout.

It sounds to me like you're busy and he's not, so that gives him a lot of time to be missing you and thinking about you. Idle hands are the devils playground. Whenever I'm not doing anything and he's busy, I end up over-analyzing every little detail. I start thinking he doesn't care about me because he never calls or texts. He does care, calls, and texts, it's just not every second of the day how I'd like it! hahah!

Just talk to him and try to get him to understand your situation. Also, while he's there and you have to work, try to find something he can do while you're at work. Rent him a movie, video game, see if he'd like you to drop him off at the mall. If you have to go to work early in the morning that would be best because then he could just sleep in.

I know sometimes when one person is really busy and the other person is not, it tends to seem like everything is about the person who is busy. However, that is what being busy is all about, you have to manage everything and everyone around what you have going on. It is very difficult. I understand where your coming from in the sense that I have school, I'm the president of an RSO, I work, and had an internship this semester. This was when my SO hadn't started his jobs yet and wanted to text and talk all day, but I was busy. Now roles are reversed. It is just life. One day he's going to get a job and not have as much time for you and you both will be working around his schedule. Also, you will get 3 weeks off to come see him soon. You won't have work or school and he will receive your undivided attention for that time period.

Sorry I kinda rambled here. I started explaining different way to talk to him as they entered my mind. Anyways I hope some of this is good advice.

I hope you can talk to him and he will understand the situation. It doesn't mean he has to like it, just be more forgiving about it.

[blueorchid1]

This is a hard situation, but I can relate. My SO promised he come for my college graduation, but then upon asking his boss, (He's a bar manager), his boss told him if he left they would shut down the bar for the 5 days he would be gone. Long story short, now he's not coming and I'm going up there to see him. He's not going to be able to take anytime off and he is both the manager of the bar and works full-time at Safeway. So, when I go he's going to be working between 90-110 hours a week. It sucks! But I know that he needs to work those jobs to make provide for his kids and make the money he's used to when he was commercial fishing.

So, I don't know if their is a way to explain to your SO that you need these jobs to provide for yourself. You've planned a nice getaway for when he first arrives, this new job is only 3 hours a day. Try to explain to him that you guys will have time to spend together, but right now times are hard and you need this job to workout.

It sounds to me like you're busy and he's not, so that gives him a lot of time to be missing you and thinking about you. Idle hands are the devils playground. Whenever I'm not doing anything and he's busy, I end up over-analyzing every little detail. I start thinking he doesn't care about me because he never calls or texts. He does care, calls, and texts, it's just not every second of the day how I'd like it! hahah!

Just talk to him and try to get him to understand your situation. Also, while he's there and you have to work, try to find something he can do while you're at work. Rent him a movie, video game, see if he'd like you to drop him off at the mall. If you have to go to work early in the morning that would be best because then he could just sleep in.

I know sometimes when one person is really busy and the other person is not, it tends to seem like everything is about the person who is busy. However, that is what being busy is all about, you have to manage everything and everyone around what you have going on. It is very difficult. I understand where your coming from in the sense that I have school, I'm the president of an RSO, I work, and had an internship this semester. This was when my SO hadn't started his jobs yet and wanted to text and talk all day, but I was busy. Now roles are reversed. It is just life. One day he's going to get a job and not have as much time for you and you both will be working around his schedule. Also, you will get 3 weeks off to come see him soon. You won't have work or school and he will receive your undivided attention for that time period.

Sorry I kinda rambled here. I started explaining different way to talk to him as they entered my mind. Anyways I hope some of this is good advice.

I hope you can talk to him and he will understand the situation. It doesn't mean he has to like it, just be more forgiving about it.

THIS!!!!!!!!
It is true, my SO is not as busy as me...and i pay rent and other bills that he doesnt have to worry about...however, my biggest concern even if i tried to explain this to him in the most delicate manner, he would just think im making things about me...
I mean, maybe im just over thinking what his reaction might be, but he doesnt seem to be very secure in our relationship...once he even told me he feels like im putting him on the back burner...

honestly it makes things hard because I cant help him find the confidence in our relationship...its a journey he can only make for himself...
sometimes i wish he were as busy as me because then he wouldnt have so much time to worry over our relationship :/