Languages & Communication

[Elena]

So happy to see that so many people have participated in the little 'survey'
I guess it's time that I answer my own questions, huh?

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Nope!

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
He speaks portuguese (and very limited English). English was my first language, closely followed by Spanish (which I'm fluent in and heard a lot growing up), and now I've been learning Portuguese. We communicate in Portuguese, with him occasionally attempting to say a word here or there in English.


3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
I wanted to learn portuguese befoer going to Brazil, so I taught myself a bit, but didn't know much when I arrived. When I arrived in Brazil (for vacation) I started to pick it up and study my phrasebook a lot, and it was hard but not impossible becaue I know spanish. Since I met my SO, I've just picked up a lot from talking to him and friends, and spending more time in Brazil. Now I'm finally (a year later) taking an actual portuguese class! When we first met, my portuguese was pretty crappy, but we were able to comunicate because I kind of just threw in spanish words when I didn't know the word in portuguese, and we used a lot of gestures, etc. It's been improving and I'd say I'm at a decent conversational level now. It's kind of crazy, but I guess I learn languages fast! Plus, love totally is great motivation for learning a language!

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges? At times it has been difficult, because my portuguese isn't great, we've sometimes had misunderstandings. More often though, it's the feeling of frustration that comes from not being able to express myself exactly as I'd like to. But that feeling is happening less as I learn more. We just try to be patient with each other, and learning more is helpful too!

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible? There is definitely support. My boyfriend was very understanding from the beginning, and has always been patient with me. Also, he is always complimenting how 'great' and 'perfect' my portuguese is (although I know he's very generous with his praise!). Actually, when I told him I'd be taking a portuguese class, he said 'why? you already know everything!". Which is sooo not true!


6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in? I live in the U.S. and he lives in Brazil.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
Although sometimes I feel like things would be so much easier if we spoke the same native language, I wouldn't ever change it! It is a wonderful challenge and I've learned so much from this

[woop woop]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?

Nope, he is a native French speaker, I am a native English speaker.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?

We use Engish and French. Although, to be honest, it's 90% English, 10% of my v....e.....rrrr.....y..... s...l.....o.....w....F....r....e....n...c....h It also depends what country we are in. If we are hanging out with his firends in France, then I try to speak more French. He has wonderful English.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?

He learned Englsih at school, and even had to take some of his (non English) degree course in English. It has improved since our relationship - he gets my accent (not what French people are taught Englsih speakers sound like) and after 4-5 months on the phone, he could understand me at normal - i.e. break neck - speed. I have started French classes since I met him, and have improved enormously. I'm still crap. But I'm less crap.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?

Socialising with friends can be a challenge as they don't always get that one of us isn't understanding everything/anything. There's also a bit of frustration when explaining something. (Ha, I regretted getting into what "chatting up" means in English - as if there wouldn't be French equivalent of that! But it's all good - ironically we get over or through our challenges by...talking about them.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?

Lots of support and no phone calls after midnight we've discovered. Tiered brains can't think right in any language.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?

France and the UK

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?

I wouldn't change it...but I would like a better understanding of his langauge. I htink if we awere both at teh same level in the other's lanague it would be easier. Plus, I could talk to his mum

[Roberta]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?

Nope! =)

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?

My first language is English, and his is technically Spanish, although he pretty much stopped speaking it regularly after the age of 5 (when he was forced to learn English lol). We talk in English, but he'll try and get me to practice my Spanish on occasion (which is pretty pathetic, btw).

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?

He's pretty fluent in Spanish, but he's out of practice. He's able to go to a Latin American country and find his way around, so I'd say that's pretty good. xD

--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?

I took Spanish for 9 years in school (kindergarden through 8th grade), but I had a HORRIBLE teacher and basically didn't learn anything... Really sad actually because I live in Miami. xD I got the accent down pretty well and I can say some basic things at least. =) Diego encourages me to speak it, but he hasn't taught me much yet. I'm sure he will in the future. He doesn't really need help with English, but I do help him with his writing (proofreading essays and such). =D

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?

None really. =D He speaks English too well. xD If I tried to speak to him in Spanish though... We'd have a lot of communication problems! lol

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?

Never. He may regret always asking me to help him with his essays, but I really enjoy it. =D Once I start really learning Spanish, I'll probably feel a little frustrated (I hate it when I have trouble understanding things ><) but he's a good teacher and very encouraging, so I don't think it'll be too bad. =D

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?

We both from Miami, FL, but he's going to college in Chicago. His family is from Nicaragua though, and mine is from a whole mess of random European countries. xD

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?


No, I wouldn't want to change anything. This way we can both be bilingual! =D

[Aerica]

Basically, we both know English fluently. He knows two other languages, one being French. He lives in Montreal, so a lot of people know french, and some know both french and english. I dont know any french besides the basic hello, goodbye, yes no, etc. So i have a hard time when I go to visit him. But thats about it.

[PurpleDreamer]

Ky and I both speak English (he is from Colorado, USA and I from Melbourne, Australia) but sometimes there have been little misunderstandings between us, like one time when I said I was going to have tea, he thought I was going to go drink actual tea when sometimes here we use tea as another word for dinner :P. There is a few things that we have different words for and sometimes we forget that and confuse each other. It can be a little amusing though :P.Also, when referring to our mothers, it's spelled 'Mum' here and 'Mom' there and we jokingly tease each other about, hehe. He sometimes spells it as 'Mum' though so I guess I am rubbing off on him :P. I joke around and tell him that he is finally learning to spell it the RIGHT way, hehe (btw, I really don't care which way it is spelled, I just like teasing Ky in a fun way :P).

[Gemini]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language? No we dont he speaks german ;w;
2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?English because its all i know XD;;
3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
ahhhh i didnt know any german sadly but i know a tiny bit now and i can tell if german is being spoke if thats anything XD;
4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?Its sometimes hard to find the right english word for him for diffrent things like for example diff types of food and such
5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?Actually he is really good at english he doesnt really struggle at all only when he speaks outloud not in text
6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?I live in America he lives in Austria ;w;
7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?Nope wouldnt change it at all i love his sexy accent ^w^

[totalspiffage]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?

English(At least I think his first language was English...)

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?

If it wasn't English for him, it would have been Malay. We obviously communicate in English. He also knows some Mandarin, Japanese, and Arabic.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?

He's a pretty much native speaker anyway, but I just hate that I can't understand anything he says to his sisters or parents when they walk by the camera when we're on call or something. They dislike outsiders and I want to learn their language a lot.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?

English is just one of the languages he speaks, but I get concerned that i won't be able to talk to his parents, who speak only a little English.


5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?

US and Singapore for Me and Him respectively

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?

I'm not worried about us, although it would be nice to surprise him. I'm just worried about communicating with his family. I like that his family are different from what I'm used to, and I like learning, so I'll probably be learning their language at some point.

[Caity]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Nope.
2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
I speak English and his native language is Dutch. We communicate in English but sometimes we speak a little bit of Dutch from what I've learnt so far.
3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
My SO learnt his English from school and from playing alot of online games. He is excellent. Most of the time you wouldn't know it wasn't his native language. He already knew English before our relationship started.
4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
There's not been many challenges at all really. Sometimes he can get confused with things I say when he's misunderstood but that doesn't happen much. A good challenge for me has been trying to learn Dutch so I can communicate with his family when i go to visit.
5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
Always support =). He rarely struggles anyway though.
6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
I live on the Isle of Man ( that teeny island in between Ireland and England , not to be confused with the Isle of Wight) and he lives in the Netherlands.
7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
I wouldn't change a thing. Understanding each other is fine and I get to learn a whole new language I could use alot in the future. I've always enjoyed learning languages and he can help and often finds it funny sometimes when I can't pronounce stuff right. It's all good =).

[Sixx]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? Nope.
2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate? He speaks italian, and I speak spanish. But we talk in english and some kind of mix between italian & spanish haha.
3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like? We are still learning the other's language, but as we're not fluent, we keep speaking in english.
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it? We both started from zero.
4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges? Challenges? None. Sometimes we do have some trouble when we don't know some word but we end up explaining in our own language, using online translators if we're chatting, or just by looking at our faces we kind of understand each other without even speaking!
5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible? I do feel I can explain myself better in english than him, but as I said before, whenever we seem to struggle in english, we quickly switch to the other languages.
6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in? He lives in Italy, and I live in Spain.
7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it? I wouldn't change it, I love it the way it is now.

[archangel]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Kinda...
2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
I speak English and am learning Mandarin; She speaks English, Malay, Hokkin, Hakka, Cantonese, Mandarin, Italian, and Japanese. We use English to communicate, but I would like to learn Malay.
3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
We both communicate in the same language... but like I said before I would like to learn Malay. Also we both can speak Mandarin, but she is a lot more fluent than me.
4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
We have very few communication challenges in our LDR, since we understand each other so well.
5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
In our LDR... we share the power equally.
6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
I live in Canada and she lives in Malaysia
7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
No, I wouldn't change since we both already have a language in common.

[mynameisgirl]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Nope.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
His native language is Croatian and mine is English, but he learnt English through most of his schooling so that's what we communicate with. But I'm starting Croatian lessons next month to make things easier on him

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like? --Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
He learnt it in school, and a little bit from watching tv and things like that. He's not fluent, but he's close enough to it. He just gets confused with grammar and word order a lot. When we first started talking he hadn't used his English properly in years so he was pretty terrible but he remembered most of it really quickly and doesn't really have many significant problems unless it's a word that's not really used much.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
I think he gets a little frustrated a times and he just wants to talk to me in Croatian, but my Croatian is very, very limited right now. But sometimes I let him speak his language and just use google translate so I can understand what he's saying haha, just to give him a break.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
Oh I would definitely say it's easier for me to communicate with him in English than it is for him to communicate with me, but sometimes it's difficult for both of us, like when the Croatian translation of a word has a slightly different meaning to what I'm trying to say in English things can get a little messy but mostly we work around it. Google translate has really been a lifesaver in those kinds of situations haha. I wish I could make this easier on him, but Croatian is really confusing for me and I tried to teach myself with books and online resources, but it's such a complex language that I thought I should just wait until my classes start before I really get into it.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
I live in New Zealand and he's in Croatia.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
I'm pretty sure he wishes every day that I could speak Croatian :P But honestly, I love that he speaks a completely different language to me. I just feel like he has so much culture because of where he's from and I love it, and he's given me a strong incentive to learn my family's native language so not only will I be able to communicate with him more, but I will be able to talk to my cousins and other relatives who don't speak English. So I don't know, we can communicate fine in English but I just wish I could make things easier for him. Haha I don't even think I gave a proper answer to this question, but oh well :P

[BoogleBee]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Well kinda. My SO well..has two native languages. I will explain further on.

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
One of her native languages is english, and I speak english so we communicate in english. Her other native language is German. So I am trying to improve my german and she helps me.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like? --Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
Well my SO's parents met in germany, her mother is german, her father is american. So she was born in the USA and lived there for about 6 years before moving back to Germany with her mother. When she was in the states she spoke english and learnt it as a child, but she also learnt german at the same time. And when she went back to germany she just automatically switched to speaking german. Before she met me last year she hadn't spoken english aloud for a long time, probably since she was a little girl (excpet for when learning it at school). So it was compulsory to learn english at school but she already knew alot of it anyway. So while when we met she hadn't spoken it in awhile she still remembered everything. So yeah she kinda has two native languages, languages that she was born learning. But we communicate in english, and I am trying to learn german when I have enough free time from uni courses.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
No problem because she speaks english as a native language as well. Not like..just fluent, she just knows it, so there has never been any problems. Sometimes she doesn't know the english word for a certain german thing she will be trying to tell me about but thats all. Or sometimes she doesn't know what my new zealand slang means hehe. I am trying to learn german though and she helps me alot. Just because I want to speak her other language. And also maybe be able to communciate with her friends easier and they only have like school english that they've learnt. Although their english is still rather good! Her mother speaks english too, which she learnt in the states but she hasn't spoken english in a long time so if I could say a few things in german to her I think it would be nice.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
We both speak english so there aren't any problems or issues like that. Its funny when she will say something in german and not tell me what it means and then its gets all frustrating! While I try to work out what she said but thats fun. And when I did a german language paper at uni last semester she helped me with my homework. To help me understand it <3
She has no trouble with what language to speak, she speaks both perfectly so yeah.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?

I live in New Zealand and my SO lives in Germany.

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?

I love that my SO speaks two langauges. I'm glad she speaks english so i can communciate with her perfectly but the fact that she also speaks german and lives in germany always just amazes me. A whole different culture and language I love it! We communicate with no trouble anyway so I wouldn't want to change the fact that she speaks german. It is a part of who she is and I love it about her!! <3 and she speaks it beautifully.

[Swederica]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?

No

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?

Her is english and mine is swedish

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?

Well in Sweden you are kind of bombarded with english. Amercan tv-shows go subtitled on the tv's all the time and since i play games and such you pick it up with time.

--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
since i met her my english have improved very much I still have problems with is and are and stuff like that. I would say my profiency is very high :P

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?

The only problem really is when she uses slang an/or words i've never really heard of before :P but i try to pick it up, but it's just keep coming more and more.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?

No i wouldn't say that. It's kind of annoying tho when i forget really simple words and just sit and try to describe it. Then i feel pretty powerless. But that happens in swedish also. I can forget swedish words for something but still remember the english. Really weird.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?

She lives in United States and i live in Sweden

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?

No need to. I understand english so well that it would be useless to wan to change my native language to english, because then i would get little improvement in english but lose swedish completely.

[Swederica]

[B]Its sometimes hard to find the right english word for him for diffrent things like for example diff types of food and such

That reminds me. I have a super hard time with shirts, sweater, jacket etc. haha i hate clothes.

[Riyko]

1. Do you and your SO speak the same native language? If so, what language?
Nope

2. If not, what are your respective native languages, and which language(s) do you use to communicate?
Mine is English, his is Spanish and we mainly use English, but sometimes we will have short conversations in Spanish with my limited Spanish Vocabulary.

3. For whoever isn't communicating in their native language, how did you/they learn the SO's language, and what is their level of proficiency like?
He went to Canada just to learn english (he has been there since 2005) and his level of english is fluent, but there are a few things he doesn't understand or know how to say. I took Spanish for 4 months in 2009, but I learned a lot of it while learning english in elementary school.

--Did you/your SO learn a lot of the language while in the relationship, or did you/they start out the relationsihp with already strong knowledge of it?
He already had a lot of knowledge in english, where as with me I learned a lot more spanish from him and I wanted to learn spanish because of him.

4. What challenges has communicating in a non-native language (for at least one of you) created in your relationship? How do you try to overcome those challenges?
It hasn't created or caused any challenges really there have been a few times where I don't understand what he's saying because of his accent or he will say the word in spanish, but we work it out by having him slowly speak or repeat what he's going to say slowly either in english or spanish so I understand what he's going to say.

5. Does it ever feel like one person has more power, because they're able to communicate easily and freely while the other person struggles? Or is there support to try to communicate as best as possible?
Nope neither of us has more power over the other because of the different languages we speak.

6. Since I assume that for most (although certainly not all) couples in this situation, you're living in different countries, what countries do you live in?
I live in the United States and he lives in Canada (but he's from Chile)

7. If you could change it so that you could both have had the same native language, and communicate with no trouble understanding each other (at least literally...as we know you can still have trouble communicating with someone in your native language too!), would you change it? Or do you like it?
Yeah I wish we both spoke spanish, but how it is now I don't want to change it. We actually talked about it when I was visiting him and he said he wishes I spoke spanish so we could talk and have no one understand us, so i'm going to take some spanish classes and/or teach myself more spanish so I can communicate with him better for when I visit him for his birthday.