I need some advice on my LDR.

[blpettitt52]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We are pretty serious, we talk about kids and the future. He had a job that brought him to where I live. We ended up living together for about 6 months. His contract ended for his job and he went back to where he was from because he still had a house there. We discussed me moving there after I saved up some money. I was really iffy about it because I would be leaving everything I know behind. Well he has two daughters with two different women and apparently they are crazy. He supports his kids out of his pocket so the government wont take him for child support. They have an understanding that if the girls need anything, he'll pay for it. He seems to me to be a great dad. Well I have never met his kids or his family and we have been together for two years. He says that if I come there I would have to live in a town thats 30 mins away. He says if the mothers find out about me they'll end up trying to take him to court for child support. I get that, I don't have any kids myself but I know they would come first. I really hate the idea that I would have to go to a town that's 30 mins away to stay hidden. I don't even know why I can't meet his parents. I feel that lately he is acting very distant and unavailable. I feel that in a LDR, you should talk atleast once a day on the phone, it rarely happens. He does try to come and see me on the weekends but the past 5 months, he has been working on the weekends. So in the past 5 months I may have seen him like 6 times. I feel like I am not a crucial part of his life. I have become emotionally exhausted. I have tried talking to him about my concerns and I have tried to end it because it is so hard. He wants to keep holding on but nothing is changing. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

[silvermoonfairy3]

Unfortunately my advice is to end it. Stop letting him hold on.
Children are a complicated situation, yeah, but it's unacceptable that he won't involve you with family, and would expect you to move but stay hidden, etc.

Frankly, he needs to grow up and have a discussion about this all with the mothers of the children, and if that means going to court to get things in writing and have the law backing it all instead of basically being blackmailed by those women, he should do that.

I would tell him this isn't working for you, and that he needs to get his stuff sorted out before he can expect to be in a serious relationship.

[differentcountries]

It sounds as if he has not completely ended it with the mothers. Why else would they object to him moving on with a new girlfriend?

[Moon]

Never, ever trust a guy who says all his ex's are crazy, he's going to tell the next one that about you some day. Honestly, this situation seems like way more trouble than it's worth, why isn't he paying through Domestic Relations? That's the correct way to do it, I don't buy what he's selling for a second. What should you have to do with those women getting the child support they're lawfully entitled to? I'd be very very, very careful here, this simply doesn't add up. If he's not willing to go to court and get everything properly documented and taken care of, then there is no hope, he's going to hold that child support over your head as long as you allow it. Good luck.

[Laural007]

I can understand him not introducing you to his kids and parents because I myself wont introduce my SO to my kids until he is permanently living in the same city as myself. However, I cannot understand why he would want you to stay hidden. If he is already paying half of the stuff for his children then having it down on paper shouldn't be that big of a deal, unless of course he is paying significantly less than the courts would order and if that’s the case he’s not only being selfish but unfair to his children. It seems like you may be the "other" woman. Have you ever visited him? I, myself wouldn't tolerate nor move to still be thirty minutes away from him.

[itsjen516]

I wouldn't like to be with someone who wants to keep me hiding ? What's the point of bejng with a person if you can't ever fully be with them. Is that really how you want to live for the rest of your life. It's your choice but me personally I couldn't be with that and I would just say it's not worth it to much stress

[NerdyChick]

This just sounds super sketchy to me, I agree with the others, this just flat out doesn't add up and it's too convenient to make excuses about having "crazy exs" or being worried about being taken to court for child support. Going to court and actually getting it in writing is in just as much his best interest as it would be his ex's if he is indeed helping out like he tells you. I mean why would he want to stay in a situation where they can hold that over his head? If he is indeed making payments and significantly helping out he should really have no issue pursuing it being put in writing. If he actually isn't, than yes he would very much have something to worry about because as a father he does have some level of responsibility to those two kids. So the fact he won't is kind of a red flag. Keeping you a secret for two years is also a huge red flag. Does his family even know about you? Like not including the exs, why can't he introduce you to others close to him like friends or family? Why hide you from them? I mean I get that he's your SO and you've been with him for 2 years, but do you really know anything about his life besides from what he tells you? Like how much can you actually completely corroborate as being truth? It sounds like either way, he has a lot to sort out before you two should close the distance. No one deserves to commit 2 years of there life to someone LD or CD only to remain a secret. You deserve better than that, and if you are going to close the distance, it should be just as much on your terms as his. But yeah, major red flags here.

[Malaga]

It sounds like he's married and you're his side piece. Sorry. If I were you, I'd cut my loses and move on. Let him figure out his messy life on his own.

[ldrxoxo]

This is why I don't date people with kids: far away or not. I don't need the drama because some people can't be respectful that their relationships ended and move on when it's over. If something ends for me and no one is in the picture yet, I may still try to work things out, but once someone gets a new relationship, I don't bother to intervene.

[Hollandia]

This is easy.

Go there. You are less than 300 hundred miles away, so take a long weekend and go there for once. After that decide if it is legit or not. If it is then set your guldelines and if he can meet them and you decide this is the "one"and he has kids and you don't , then you move there. If not, then break up. Kids are a package deal, if you date someone with them then expect to move to them, but not hidden, that is pure and utter bullshit.

No moms are just that crazy, that is crap. call him on it. go there and meet him and meet the kids after two frakin years and ask about the future, don't sit there and just accept this crap. Or you will be 40 and miserable and alone before you know it. 2 years is long enough to push to close the distance when you are only 230 miles away and pretty much just waiting for him.

He has legal rights in usa that have nothing to do with his dating life, that is a lie, crazy or not, it does not matter. If he wants to be with you he could be, if he wanted to talk to you, he could be, if he wanted to see you talk to you daily , he could be.

Sorry, my SO is 3800 miles away most days. He has had work and school and huge family obligations but he still skyped me daily for a hour or more a day. And when he did, he told me, I miss you baby and why ? Because he did, and when you do, you find the time. Any man or woman that claims that don't have time , i call BS, unless you simply cannot , there is no reason not to contact for a few minutes each day.

Would you not find the time if you could? I could work 50 hours a week and study for 10 and still find the time, it only takes 30 min a day to keep in touch, and he does not even have the 6 hour time difference my So did.

Quite frankly, read the book, "He is just not that into you".

He needs to put up or shut up and if he can't then go find a man that will shower you with his available time.

[Sanja]

I don't think your boyfriend is being truthful about his life. He wants you to move closer, but not in the same town. That's odd. I hope you think things through and decide what is best for you.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

This is easy.

Go there. You are less than 300 hundred miles away, so take a long weekend and go there for once. After that decide if it is legit or not. If it is then set your guldelines and if he can meet them and you decide this is the "one"and he has kids and you don't , then you move there. If not, then break up. Kids are a package deal, if you date someone with them then expect to move to them, but not hidden, that is pure and utter bullshit.

No moms are just that crazy, that is crap. call him on it. go there and meet him and meet the kids after two frakin years and ask about the future, don't sit there and just accept this crap. Or you will be 40 and miserable and alone before you know it. 2 years is long enough to push to close the distance when you are only 230 miles away and pretty much just waiting for him.

He has legal rights in usa that have nothing to do with his dating life, that is a lie, crazy or not, it does not matter. If he wants to be with you he could be, if he wanted to talk to you, he could be, if he wanted to see you talk to you daily , he could be.

Sorry, my SO is 3800 miles away most days. He has had work and school and huge family obligations but he still skyped me daily for a hour or more a day. And when he did, he told me, I miss you baby and why ? Because he did, and when you do, you find the time. Any man or woman that claims that don't have time , i call BS, unless you simply cannot , there is no reason not to contact for a few minutes each day.

Would you not find the time if you could? I could work 50 hours a week and study for 10 and still find the time, it only takes 30 min a day to keep in touch, and he does not even have the 6 hour time difference my So did.

Quite frankly, read the book, "He is just not that into you".

He needs to put up or shut up and if he can't then go find a man that will shower you with his available time.

I completely agree. With him that close, and you already talking about closing the distance, you should call his bluff and go visit him for a weekend. And if he isn't calling you, what is keeping you from calling him? It goes both ways. My SO is working 70 hours a week, has other responsibilities, goes out with friends, etc., but he still takes time for us every day. We don't Skype often, because it is expensive and takes a lot of data with his phone, but we chat several times a day. That's what people do when they are in love.

[Dezface]

Sketchy as hell. Move on, nothing but problems in your future with this one.

[blpettitt52]

Thanks everyone for the advice! You have all told me what I've been thinking. Its just so hard!

[NerdyChick]

Making decisions and closing a chapter is never easy, but sometimes you just have to go with your gut. I'm wishing you all the best, you deserve a good life with a good partner. Don't settle for less.