Graduate School: CD to LDR

[brooklyn_girl20]

Hi,

I want some advice on the following things:
1) Any thoughts or advice on how to keep morale up when there isn't a set CD-date?
2) Do you think a decided CD date is necessary to have a successful LDR? I've heard this and wonder about it.
3) Tips for LDR's, especially for people who are formerly CD's.

Here's my story:
My BF and I are both in our early 20's. He and I currently reside in NYC, but in 3 months I will be moving to Pittsburgh, PA to go to graduate school for a two-year Master's Program. He and I have been together for almost four years, basically CD all the time. He and I are not from NYC originally - he has family about four hours from Pittsburgh. My family lives in Texas. During our relationship, we have spent probably 6 or so months apart - I was abroad last year for almost 3 months. We have some experience. He is staying in NYC to pursue a theatre career. I am in theatre as well, and am considering coming back to NYC after the graduate program (it is two years) but I honestly don't know what will happen when I graduate - where I will end up, if he will go on tour, etc. I don't feel we need an end-date yet, and we are open to eventually moving to be with each other. At the same time, there are many cities I am open to working in, and I want to be open to what may happen. We both know that even if we CD, we might be apart to travel, and are okay with that. We are very committed to each other, and see this as a relationship we wish to continue in the future, for the long-term.

Thank you!

[squeeker]

Hi! My boyfriend and I have also been together almost four years, although unlike you, most of our relationship has been LD so far. My boyfriend and I have a rough estimate of when we plan to close the distance, but it is likely a few years off because we are at university now and things are not for certain and so it could change, because that's what plans do a lot, they change.

1) Any thoughts or advice on how to keep morale up when there isn't a set CD-date?

Keep reminding yourself how much you love each other and would rather be each other long distance than not be with each other at all. Communicate often and skype often. Try and remind yourself that your relationship is still moving and growing and you are getting closer to each other each time you talk even if you aren't physically together.


2) Do you think a decided CD date is necessary to have a successful LDR? I've heard this and wonder about it.

I think it would help a lot, but is not necessary, and especially not necessary to have an exact date, because it is usually not doable to have an exact date until you are closer to that day you can close the distance. It's nice to know when you will see each other and when you will live in the same place, what your future together will look like, but plans and dates can change when you plan in advance so it's probably more important to be flexible and remind yourself you want to be with your partner more than you want to close the distance with someone.

3) Tips for LDR's, especially for people who are formerly CD's.

This is hard for me seeing as my boyfriend and I have always been LD except for our visits (our longest together time was 3 1/2 months, and we've had 4 of them total coming out to about 7 months of CD in our 4+ years of knowing each other and 3+ years of our relationship). I think my tips for LDRs though would be communication (Skype or other video chatting software!!), trust and honesty.. important stuff for any relationship! If your schedules are busy, try scheduling when you will talk. As long as you are committed to each other, you should be okay.

If you want any other tips you can ask me or even send a message.

Welcome to LFAD.

[Bobbiejeanne]

In the same boat! My SO heads off to Med School soon, and I'm finishing up my bachelors at our college, then I will be off to Graduate myself (well, if I get in *knocks on woods*)

1) Any thoughts or advice on how to keep morale up when there isn't a set CD-date?
I second everything above and add on that just because there isn't a set doesn't mean you will never see each other. LDRs are hard, yes, but it sounds like you two have a very solid relationship. Keep communicating and updating each other on how things are going. The end might not be in sight now, but the future is yours to shape.

2) Do you think a decided CD date is necessary to have a successful LDR? I've heard this and wonder about it.
Not at all! I'm sure if you asked a great many people here if they had a set CD date they would tell you no. Visits make everything seem easier to handle, and they give you that goal date to focus in on while the more permanent one is still being figured out.

3) Tips for LDR's, especially for people who are formerly CD's.
I was in one previous LDR that started out CD. It'll be hard at first, the transition from having them always right there to being gone. But it does get easier with time. Keep talking, and video chatting, and randomly snap chatting! Send cute letters and fall asleep on the phone together. It's the little things that will make you the happiest.
If you have the time/money, make some visits. Maybe alternate between cities.

Hope I helped some, and welcome to LFAD!