Need some advice/feedback

[hellokitty3]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and I've introduced myself, but I'd love to get some advice and feedback from you guys about my long distance relationship. Here is a short story of how our relationship started out. He found me on instagram because of my food posts (i cook paleo food and he had been interested in getting his eating habits back in order, and found me) and started following me. he would leave me little comments here and there on some of my pictures and so i started to follow him back. he finally asked if i could help him out so he gave me his number and we've been talking since (september last year) and we weren't talking to anyone else at the time, but we didn't establish the relationship until around december/january. i flew out to new york jan 16th and everything was perfect. i even flew back out in february and march and each time our feelings grew for each other, i even met his brother and his young niece. i guess i should mention im in CA and he is all the way in NY

he is a truck driver and was on a job where he was someones personal driver, so he had a little more free time during work, we would text a lot and i guess i would have called that time our "honeymoon phase" since that job ended he has less free time at work, which i completely understand, i don't need to talk to him 24/7, but i feel like recently we've been texting less. he would usually at least say good morning to me and i wouldnt hear from him for a few hours, and he would sometimes be on twitter during these times, but i feel like he wouldn't text me about things unless he could dedicate his time to me, which didn't bother me at all. he's also been trying hard to save money to buy a cabin and some property out there, and just being busy with life. he plays hockey, goes hunting and fishing, has a lot of friends, and i am so happy he does. there was a short time where we didnt talk on the phone for about a week and when i brought it up he was apologetic about it and has called me almost every night before bed since then.

so here is kind of where maybe im feeling insecure about things or worried (btw ive been cheated on in past relationships) with the less texting during the day, like for example yesterday was a short day for him at work. i texted him early in the morning to wish him a good day, and he sent one text back to me. i also get insecure about when i text him something where im expecting an answer, and i can see in his twitter activity feed that he was looking at some girls (an old friend im assuming, that now lives in CA) and had favorited 4 of her tweets 30 minutes before texting me back. i know it's probably just my hormones making me overreact and its not a big deal, but since we've been texting less i dont know why it bothers me so much.

btw im sorry for such a long rant, but here is where i kind of get confused. when we do text and talk, he talks about little things during the day that made him think of me. he requested a disney world vacation planning dvd (we are planning a 2 week road trip out there for the fall) and told me he thought it was funny that they emailed him back saying "last name" family, in the email. and when he talks about buying property, he sends me the links to all the homes he looks at, and he'll say things like "our bedroom" and how he wants me there with him. he does talk about the future, but in a way he hasn't really asked me yet to make it official, whether i want to live with him or not. we haven't said "i love you" yet either, as we're both trying to still take it slow because this distance is new for the both of us. my head has been going at 1000mph for the past couple of days, and i do have more free time with him and i think thats part of my problem. i feel like im leaving a lot of something out but im having a hard time thinking, this is all crazy in my head right now. anyways thank you all for taking the time to read this if you do, id really appreciate any comments/feedback

[Jaac]

Hey, welcome to the forum
The last bit of your story realy makes me think that everything is OK between you too.
The fact that he tells you about little things that makes him think about you, that he's planning a vacation for both of you, that he shows you properties he's looking at.
All that stuff shows that he involves you in his life and he makes an effort to let you know what's going on in his life.

I totally understand that you think it's odd when he favourites tweets from other girls, but he might have just thought it was funny or interesting or anything.
The fact that you worry about texting less and that that makes you feel insecure.... Been there, done that!!
Just a week ago I was going CRAZY because my SO wouldn't text me as much as before. It made me feel so insecure and I was constantly checking whether he had been online on whatsapp yet but just didnt answer me. My SO is also working a lot and he just doesn't have the time.
Then I went to England for a couple of days and we couldn't chat because I didn't have internet.
Now I realise that sometimes less words say more. Sometimes less contact is better for your relationship and it might even make you stronger.
It's not always a bad thing to just say goodnight and goodmorning, as long as you let each other know you think about each other and you love each other!

And looking at your last paragraph, he does care about you and he does make an effort to involve you in his life!
I think you have nothing to worry about but your own insecurity

[hellokitty3]

Hey, welcome to the forum
The last bit of your story realy makes me think that everything is OK between you too.
The fact that he tells you about little things that makes him think about you, that he's planning a vacation for both of you, that he shows you properties he's looking at.
All that stuff shows that he involves you in his life and he makes an effort to let you know what's going on in his life.

I totally understand that you think it's odd when he favourites tweets from other girls, but he might have just thought it was funny or interesting or anything.
The fact that you worry about texting less and that that makes you feel insecure.... Been there, done that!!
Just a week ago I was going CRAZY because my SO wouldn't text me as much as before. It made me feel so insecure and I was constantly checking whether he had been online on whatsapp yet but just didnt answer me. My SO is also working a lot and he just doesn't have the time.
Then I went to England for a couple of days and we couldn't chat because I didn't have internet.
Now I realise that sometimes less words say more. Sometimes less contact is better for your relationship and it might even make you stronger.
It's not always a bad thing to just say goodnight and goodmorning, as long as you let each other know you think about each other and you love each other!

And looking at your last paragraph, he does care about you and he does make an effort to involve you in his life!
I think you have nothing to worry about but your own insecurity

thank you SO SO much for your kind words, you have no idea how much i really appreciate it i do have some of my own issues i have to work on. i just wish i would at least get a good morning, it's been awhile since i've gotten one :/ like this morning i had said good morning and a few other things, and i sent a nice picture that said "one day someone is going to hug you so tight that all your broken pieces fit back together" and still no reply at all, but he favorited something his friend said on twitter...sigh you just cant win can you? haha

[nottheprincesspeach]

My significant other has a variable work schedule right now. He is covering for another guy having ankle surgery and therefore works more hours. I had to have a talk with him very recently about little realistic ways he could help me through feelings like this. He has started doing these things, it has helped a lot. Talking and giving very specific simple things to help has made all the difference.

I have also learned to keep myself busy. I'm reading more, working out more, making plans with friends and family. It really helps. I tell myself I am bettering myself not just for myself but also for him. Also it is good to understand that as relationships progress people tend to get comfortable and put less in. A certain amount of getting used to that is good, but it is also good to try and respark those feelings. Be understanding and communicative and things will surely get better.

[hellokitty3]

My significant other has a variable work schedule right now. He is covering for another guy having ankle surgery and therefore works more hours. I had to have a talk with him very recently about little realistic ways he could help me through feelings like this. He has started doing these things, it has helped a lot. Talking and giving very specific simple things to help has made all the difference.

I have also learned to keep myself busy. I'm reading more, working out more, making plans with friends and family. It really helps. I tell myself I am bettering myself not just for myself but also for him. Also it is good to understand that as relationships progress people tend to get comfortable and put less in. A certain amount of getting used to that is good, but it is also good to try and respark those feelings. Be understanding and communicative and things will surely get better.

that's actually a great idea. i just got kind of upset again because he had finally texted me back and said "i hope you're having a good day" and i sent him a picture of a custom stamped keychain i got resembling our relationship, two hearts stamped on the US, one in CA and one in NY, and he said he really liked it. to see if i could keep the conversation going, i asked him how his day went, and he started to type back, but i never got a message and i waited about 35 minutes before saying "please come see me soon" since that was our next agreement. he still never said anything, but was active on twitter, so it's obvious he had time to play around with his phone, and i know he wants his guy time but it's coming to the point where im just starting to feel ignored. i got upset and said "maybe ill talk to you tomorrow, have a good night" and 20 minutes later he sent a snap chat video of him watching something on disney world. i just dont know how to feel or what to think!

[jbble]

Hey, just wanted to throw in a different perspective. He does seem like he really cares about you and is trying to include you. Maybe he's like me, and simply doesn't like having text conversations. I am an extremely fast typer and obviously I can speak at a normal speed, so texting almost always feels cumbersome and I'd rather save the conversation for a faster medium later.

Liking things on twitter (though I don't use twitter) doesn't seem so odd to me, either... I like things on facebook and pinterest all the time and it absolutely doesn't mean I have any attraction to the people whose things I'm liking. It's usually that I honestly like what they posted because it made me laugh or I learned something from it.

Of course, you could just tell him how you feel about waiting so long for a text response, because he may not even be aware that it bothers you, and you could clear things up pretty quickly.

[hellokitty3]

Hey, just wanted to throw in a different perspective. He does seem like he really cares about you and is trying to include you. Maybe he's like me, and simply doesn't like having text conversations. I am an extremely fast typer and obviously I can speak at a normal speed, so texting almost always feels cumbersome and I'd rather save the conversation for a faster medium later.

Liking things on twitter (though I don't use twitter) doesn't seem so odd to me, either... I like things on facebook and pinterest all the time and it absolutely doesn't mean I have any attraction to the people whose things I'm liking. It's usually that I honestly like what they posted because it made me laugh or I learned something from it.

Of course, you could just tell him how you feel about waiting so long for a text response, because he may not even be aware that it bothers you, and you could clear things up pretty quickly.

thank you so much, i know it shouldn't mean much about the twitter thing, it's just i hate feeling like i was second to it or something like that. we used to text all the time, that's how we first started talking, he texts a lot of his friends throughout the day too, so i don't know if maybe he just prefers to talk to me at night now. but i think like what someone said before, maybe he's just comfortable with how things are now and feels like he doesn't have to try so hard to impress me? ive been pms'ing bad for the past couple of days (sorry for the TMI) but you all have really helped me so much, i love hearing all of your perspectives, it really makes me feel like im being a little too much. i really appreciate all of you

[LittleBox]

Welcome to the forum (:

Is texting your main way of communication? Perhaps you should try and schedule an hour of quality talk time or if you both have free time over the weekend plan a date night and do something together like watch a movie - that should give you both something to look forward to. Like someone mentioned, get involved in a new bobby and activities to keep your mind busy. And try not to check up on him on Twitter, that will just drive you nuts second guessing his every move! You both need a little breathing space to do your own thing. Good luck!

[hellokitty3]

Welcome to the forum (:

Is texting your main way of communication? Perhaps you should try and schedule an hour of quality talk time or if you both have free time over the weekend plan a date night and do something together like watch a movie - that should give you both something to look forward to. Like someone mentioned, get involved in a new bobby and activities to keep your mind busy. And try not to check up on him on Twitter, that will just drive you nuts second guessing his every move! You both need a little breathing space to do your own thing. Good luck!

you're right, i definitely gotta keep busy! i've been working out more again, hanging out with my friend (i lost 90% of my other friends after ending my previous relationship) we do have phone calls every now and then, at least a few times a week, but texting was our main way of communication. when i texted him earlier, i had asked for him to come out here soon to see me ( since thats what was agreed last time) and i saw he started to text me back but i never got anything so i think he stopped typing, then he was back on twitter, so i just said "maybe ill talk to you tomorrow, have a good night" and 20 minutes after that he sent a snapchat video of him watching something on disney world. why do guys have to be so confusing?! haha

[KrazyKat]

Maybe he's a little absent minded. I know I sometimes start to type a message to someone and either forget to hit send or go to copy and paste something into the message and get distracted and go back to the conversation wondering what's taking them so long to reply and see half of a message or see that I simply never replied. I seriously go to text my gf saying "pssst" to get her attention and see she was the one that got left hanging. -_-

[hellokitty3]

Maybe he's a little absent minded. I know I sometimes start to type a message to someone and either forget to hit send or go to copy and paste something into the message and get distracted and go back to the conversation wondering what's taking them so long to reply and see half of a message or see that I simply never replied. I seriously go to text my gf saying "pssst" to get her attention and see she was the one that got left hanging. -_-

really? I know he's been busy with a lot of things too...we talked a lot last night about things (oh god I cried so much) but it felt good to get it off my chest. we're okay now I want to thank you all so much, you helped me get through a really rough past couple of days! my friends can't do much for me because they don't understand. I'm glad to have you all here

[hellokitty3]

Maybe he's a little absent minded. I know I sometimes start to type a message to someone and either forget to hit send or go to copy and paste something into the message and get distracted and go back to the conversation wondering what's taking them so long to reply and see half of a message or see that I simply never replied. I seriously go to text my gf saying "pssst" to get her attention and see she was the one that got left hanging. -_-

can you guys please help me out again? I guess I should throw in I recently started taking birth control and I don't know if it's making my hormones go out of whack..I think I've been more sensitive. I was on the phone with him earlier and I don't know, for the first time he just seemed kind of distant..like the answers he was giving me and what not. he still had his sweet moments like when he said goodnight to me and stuff...the last two selfies he sent me too I noticed his face wasn't as happy as usual, it really stood out to me. now when I asked him if he would come out again (I know I shouldn't be pressuring him) he said "of course. it'll work out just give it some time" I was hoping he would say that he forgot to ask about vacation time but I dunno :/ am I just being a tad too crazy? he's also been napping a lot during the day and staying up real late at night this past week, but then again I don't even know his work schedule...I should also throw in that I'm looking for a job now so when I'm not applying for work I'm pretty much free. maybe all this free time is getting to me? please help me out

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Maybe he's a little absent minded. I know I sometimes start to type a message to someone and either forget to hit send or go to copy and paste something into the message and get distracted and go back to the conversation wondering what's taking them so long to reply and see half of a message or see that I simply never replied. I seriously go to text my gf saying "pssst" to get her attention and see she was the one that got left hanging. -_-

Mine does the same darn things. He is super busy all the time, easily distracted, and gets interrupted by friends, family, and sometimes calls for his job. And then, although he said he would get back to me, he doesn't. And sometimes he leaves very abruptly, which really upsets me. At least he is finally getting into the habit of telling me goodnight.

[silvermoonfairy3]

am I just being a tad too crazy?

Yes.

Having more free time than him is probably contributing to it, I agree, so that should get a little easier when you're busier. But honestly, from the way you're describing the situations, I think you're inventing stuff to be worried about. He doesn't look *as* happy, he said "of course" he'll come again instead of..? What? Giving a specific date? It seems like you're freaking out looking for bad signs, and therefore talking yourself into finding some.

I think you need to stop, breathe, trust him, and try to stay busy. I'm glad you guys talked and got some stuff cleared up, because that's great, and crucial. But at the same time, if you're going to be upset again a few hours after talking through stuff, you're going to start to drive him crazy. He may begin feeling like you don't believe him when he talks, he may feel like you're suffocating him from simple things like being allowed to go on Twitter without justifying why he's liking friends' tweets, and he might feel like you just don't 'get' him and are pressuring a lot. I'm guessing that's not something you want. Just because people get into a relationship doesn't mean they stop existing outside of it, or don't still have their life.

Also, if you're upset again so soon, did you really get to the heart of the problem? If not, maybe see if you can hash it out together til you do, so that things don't fester?

My SO and I have a general method where if something bothers one of us, we'll talk about any and every angle of it until we've at least figured it out to the person who was upset's satisfaction. My SO thinks that that method of dealing with things as they come up, and dealing with them completely, is what helps us keep our fights or worries focused on the current situation.. because we aren't bringing up things from the past, because we resolved those things.

Maybe there is a way you can get some more resolution from your SO so that you guys can move on and enjoy the relationship?
Good luck!

[hellokitty3]

Yes.

Having more free time than him is probably contributing to it, I agree, so that should get a little easier when you're busier. But honestly, from the way you're describing the situations, I think you're inventing stuff to be worried about. He doesn't look *as* happy, he said "of course" he'll come again instead of..? What? Giving a specific date? It seems like you're freaking out looking for bad signs, and therefore talking yourself into finding some.

I think you need to stop, breathe, trust him, and try to stay busy. I'm glad you guys talked and got some stuff cleared up, because that's great, and crucial. But at the same time, if you're going to be upset again a few hours after talking through stuff, you're going to start to drive him crazy. He may begin feeling like you don't believe him when he talks, he may feel like you're suffocating him from simple things like being allowed to go on Twitter without justifying why he's liking friends' tweets, and he might feel like you just don't 'get' him and are pressuring a lot. I'm guessing that's not something you want. Just because people get into a relationship doesn't mean they stop existing outside of it, or don't still have their life.

Also, if you're upset again so soon, did you really get to the heart of the problem? If not, maybe see if you can hash it out together til you do, so that things don't fester?

My SO and I have a general method where if something bothers one of us, we'll talk about any and every angle of it until we've at least figured it out to the person who was upset's satisfaction. My SO thinks that that method of dealing with things as they come up, and dealing with them completely, is what helps us keep our fights or worries focused on the current situation.. because we aren't bringing up things from the past, because we resolved those things.

Maybe there is a way you can get some more resolution from your SO so that you guys can move on and enjoy the relationship?
Good luck!

You've really helped me a ton! Thank you so much! I never got down to the root of the problem...after talking to a few of my friends too they agreed I was being kind of sensitive and looking for all the bad signs. I sucked it up and stopped pressuring him and being crazy, and just like that things were back to normal! I feel so much better! Thank you to all that have really helped me!