I Need Some Advice......AND To Vent.

[Emerald]

So I met a guy about a year ago on a website community for anxiety, and I was finishing my senior year in high school while he was finishing his freshman year of college. It was strange how comfortable I was with giving him my phone number to take it offline because I had NEVER done that with anyone online, and I was actually trying to stop talking to him for a while because I just thought online relationships were weird. But then he grew on me and we have been texting nonstop ever since, and we have seriously never gone a single day without communicating. My goal was to keep things as friends because long distance relationships just aren't for me and I know this sounds shallow, but I just didn't think he was very good looking.

But now he has grown on me, and he is just so sweet. Like just this morning he said "I just don't understand how someone can be so beautiful." talking about me, and he has never asked for a naked picture or anything or even steered the conversation that way. He is just so concerned about not making me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I am falling madly in love with him. Like I honestly cant picture a future without him, and it only got stronger when he drove the 15 hours just to see me in person. All we did was talk and hang out when we were together. Like I cant believe how we had so much to talk about, but we didn't kiss or anything and hugged like once, but I couldn't believe how totally empty I felt when he left. It was like he took a piece of me when he left.

Here is my problem, I love him sooo much, but I just don't think that anything more than friendship is possible right now because it just costs so much to make the trip to visit each other, and we are both in college so we cant just move closer to each other, and it will be YEARS before living closer would be possible. I know that it is very unrealistic to think that neither of us will date other people in that time, I even was dating this other guy from one of my classes but it ended up not working out honestly cuz I was too busy thinking about my long distance guy. I am just so afraid that I will lose him forever, but I am also afraid of things not working out with long distance and losing him that way.

I know that LDRs are aren't easy, but this just sounds impossible. Has anyone ever been in this situation? How did it work out?

[Kristin91]

You're on a forum for people in long-distance relationships. Almost everyone has experienced what you're feeling right now. For many of us it works out well (some members of the forum have even closed the distance, gotten married, and had kids!), and for others LD just isn't their thing. One thing I can say though is, don't knock it till you try it. I know a lot of people who never intended to get into a LDR, but they'd rather be with their SO and do the distance, than not be with them...

[leonsfangirl]

I was a single mom (2 awesome kids) and met and fell for a guy 4000 miles away with an ocean in the middle. I thought screw it, I'll give it a try.....
He lives with me now in England and we celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary yesterday.
If you are willing to give it a try .... anything can happen. It wasn't easy but I wouldn't change it.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I don't want to be a negative Nancy, but I want to share a personal experience. I had a relationship very similar to this one, almost identical. I fell for the person and not the way he looked. When we were finally together I had to end it. I wasn't sexually attracted to him and nothing could change that. And anyone that wants to can call me shallow for that, but I was just never into him that way, and that is as important to me as an emotional connection (though yes I would prefer a stronger emotional connection). Long story short, he and I did not work out. I am now with someone who I have complete compatibility with.

[squeeker]

It's likely going to be years until my boyfriend and I can close the distance. When we first met, before we got into a relationship, we didn't know it could work, we didn't know how many people were making long distance work, and then as we talked more and more, we realized we wanted to be together. And when you don't want to lose that person, why not try long distance? If it doesn't work out, then it's not the relationship for you.. but it's worth to try. Though I do believe being in a LDR long term requires commitment and investment to be together, and close the distance eventually in the future even if you can't set an end date. Though an end date would be nice. But it's your choice. If you are not wholeheartedly in the relationship, it will likely not work out because the grass always looks greener on the other side... and in my experience, however limited because I've only been with him and no one else, but the more I fall in love with him and his person, the more attractive he looks in general. I remember I thought he looked good when we first met, but now that I know him, he keeps getting handsomer!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

It's likely going to be years until my boyfriend and I can close the distance. When we first met, before we got into a relationship, we didn't know it could work, we didn't know how many people were making long distance work, and then as we talked more and more, we realized we wanted to be together. And when you don't want to lose that person, why not try long distance? If it doesn't work out, then it's not the relationship for you.. but it's worth to try. Though I do believe being in a LDR long term requires commitment and investment to be together, and close the distance eventually in the future even if you can't set an end date. Though an end date would be nice. But it's your choice. If you are not wholeheartedly in the relationship, it will likely not work out because the grass always looks greener on the other side... and in my experience, however limited because I've only been with him and no one else, but the more I fall in love with him and his person, the more attractive he looks in general. I remember I thought he looked good when we first met, but now that I know him, he keeps getting handsomer!

At first glance, the guy I am so crazy in love with, these past 4 years, wasn't my type. But I loved his mind, his sense of humor, his personality and playfulness. When we first talked on the phone, after a few months of chatting and texting, I fell in love with his Aussie accent too. And then when I finally saw him on Skype, and saw his beautiful, very expressive and mischievous brown eyes, and that smile of his, I was hooked forever. Still am. He is definitely my type. We are very similar in lots of ways. I have no doubt that if/when the way is cleared for us, we will be very compatible in every way.

The way I look at it is that an LDR can be a great foundation for the future. It isn't easy, especially as open-ended as ours is, but I wouldn't trade this experience, or this guy of mine, for anything or anyone else.

[Zephii]

I don't want to be a negative Nancy, but I want to share a personal experience. I had a relationship very similar to this one, almost identical. I fell for the person and not the way he looked. When we were finally together I had to end it. I wasn't sexually attracted to him and nothing could change that. And anyone that wants to can call me shallow for that, but I was just never into him that way, and that is as important to me as an emotional connection (though yes I would prefer a stronger emotional connection). Long story short, he and I did not work out. I am now with someone who I have complete compatibility with.

Honesty is awesome, good on you for speaking up.

My SO and I met online as kids, couldn't meet in person for over four years. International love is expensive. We spent that time in the limbo where you're in love but not actually committed. He had relationships like yours - they ended because he loved me and thus couldn't give his heart to another. Sometimes we played a kind of tag, waiting on each other to finish a relationship. We didn't want to be together when one of us would have to give up everything, but in the end we had no choice. Once we gave in and committed it didn't take us long to make a plan and close the distance.

Physically, I thought of him a lot like the ugly duckling. He was not an attractive teenager. He had bad teeth, terrible skin and a lame hair cut. I loved him, but it was easy to do so because I never saw his face. We didn't have webcams and I only had a few photos of him. Once I did know what he looked like it was hard for me to reconcile the personality I loved with the face I didn't. Luckily, he got hotter as he got older, and I began to love him enough I couldn't see the flaws as clearly. But I guess it's just something that can happen when you meet outside of the physical domain and it can be hard to know which way it will swing and if that attraction will grow in time or not.

Now? We've been married for two years (living together for just shy of five years) and have two beautiful daughters. He lives in my country, has a job he loves and we play video games at night when the children are settled. It's like a fairy tale, except men are disgusting and leave skiddies in your loo.

Give yourself time to figure it out, enjoy the ride and worry about paying more coins to ride again only when the time comes that you have to

[BlueCat]

Here is my problem, I love him sooo much, but I just don't think that anything more than friendship is possible right now because it just costs so much to make the trip to visit each other, and we are both in college so we cant just move closer to each other, and it will be YEARS before living closer would be possible. I know that it is very unrealistic to think that neither of us will date other people in that time, I even was dating this other guy from one of my classes but it ended up not working out honestly cuz I was too busy thinking about my long distance guy.

The thing about long-distance relationships, is if you decide to commit to one, you really have to commit to one. I don't see why it's so unrealistic to expect someone not to date other people for years, it happens in "normal" close distance relationships. My SO and I met online in 2004, agreed to be a couple in February 2005, first met in June 2006 and only by the end of this year (God and the Australian government willing) will we finally be closing the distance forever. Yet in that time, we have never dated other people or wanted to date other people because we want to be with each other. That's the point.

No LDR's are not easy, they never will be, but if you want to be with the person, what more can you do but be in one? For me, it was never a question of whether I wanted to be in a long distance relationship (because I don't), it was always a question of whether I wanted to be with my SO. And since the answer to that is yes, then a LDR it was.

Edit: We were both studying and working during the first 4 and 1/2 years of our relationship, yet we still managed two visits a year (one each), each costing in excess of $2000 (flights and travel insurance alone).

[sunnyk5594]

I completely understand what you're going through. I'm experiencing the same thing right now. My SO came to see me and left 2 days ago and I honestly feel like a hole has been punched through my chest. But listen, it will get better. Try and keep yourself busy. Go hang out with your friends and focus on school. Take this one day at a time. I know you want him with you right now, but you have to be patient. Things will fall into place. If you think he honestly cares about you, (which it sounds like he does if he drove 15 hours to see you) than talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling and what you're thinking. Just keep strong. I promise you it will get better.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

The thing about long-distance relationships, is if you decide to commit to one, you really have to commit to one. I don't see why it's so unrealistic to expect someone not to date other people for years, it happens in "normal" close distance relationships. My SO and I met online in 2004, agreed to be a couple in February 2005, first met in June 2006 and only by the end of this year (God and the Australian government willing) will we finally be closing the distance forever. Yet in that time, we have never dated other people or wanted to date other people because we want to be with each other. That's the point.

No LDR's are not easy, they never will be, but if you want to be with the person, what more can you do but be in one? For me, it was never a question of whether I wanted to be in a long distance relationship (because I don't), it was always a question of whether I wanted to be with my SO. And since the answer to that is yes, then a LDR it was.

Edit: We were both studying and working during the first 4 and 1/2 years of our relationship, yet we still managed two visits a year (one each), each costing in excess of $2000 (flights and travel insurance alone).

I met my Aussie man online in 2010, fell head over heels, and there was no choice but to go the distance. My head, along with many people around me, said I was crazy. My heart never has agreed. The heart knows what reason will never understand. Love comes when you aren't looking, when you least expect it, and in the most inconvenient situations. It isn't easy, but I wouldn't trade this experience, or this man I have come to love so much, for anything.

[Emerald]

That is how I am. I really wasn't feeling his looks at first, but after knowing him so well, its like I find his personality to be really sexy honestly lol. And his physical appearance is good in other ways because he is really tall and lean and has a beautiful smile. I also love just listening to him talk. Im hooked lol.