I don't want to play games and pull away

[Maribeth]

I met my SO in March. We met on a dating site and hit it off really fast. He texted me everyday almost all day. After a week or so we began Skpyping. He used to call me on Skype sometimes even twice a day. I understand that at the begining of every relationship there's a lot more excitement since you're getting to know that person. We even began talking about meeting IRL and decided to give it till June, that way we can really get to know each other. I don't know how he expects us to do that though since he started pulling away from for weeks now. He barely texts me, though when he does he's really sweet. Sometimes he doesn't even answer my texts. We see each other once or twice a week on Skype. It's just really frustrating. We haven't said I love you yet, but I am sort of falling in love with him, I guess I can't say I AM in love with him because I haven't had the chance to actually fall for him completely. He said I love you once, but he was drunk and I decided to let it slide; I actually said "I'm going to wait for you to say that when you're sober". I talked to him about this whole pulling away situation a couple of weeks ago and he told me that he's been really busy with work, and I said I can completely understand if he is busy but I would appreciate at least a heads up. Smthng around the lines of "hey sorry I haven't answered back or txted you but I'm really tied up at work. I'll text you when I can". It doesn't seem too much to ask. He agreed, and he actually did it, ONCE. But now... I feel it's getting even worse. I haven't heard from him since Friday, and it's Sunday. I texted him Friday morning, he never texted back. He sent me a pic later in the night of him all dressed up apparently to go to a club or something. I texted him back. Next day (yesterday) I texted him saying good morning. NEVER TEXTED BACK. It's the next day and I haven't even received an "Up yours". And the saddest part is that I can see he's been online and has seen my texts. I don't feel like playing games anymore in any relationship. I don't want to do the whole childish stupid thing, of pulling back as well, to see if pushes forward in response. But I also don't feel like talking about this AGAIN, because the way I see it is that there is nothing to "TALK" about. If he missed me, or was thinking about me, he would write. I'd be happy with a stupid smiley face even, but it's complete silence. I honestly do not understand. He says he's committed to us and that we are meeting in June after all, but now I think that from here till then we'll be so far apart from each other that it wouldn't make any sense to make the effort to meet anyways. It really hurts. I actually cried today because of this, and it makes me feel so stupid. I feel like I'm all alone in this and probably falling for the idea of what we could be rather than with us. I don't want to give up though, because I do have feelings for him and he's amazing, but he doesn't give me anything to hold on to, except the expectation of meeting in June. When we get to Skype he seems to be into us the same as the begining, but the problem, for me, is that I get that reassurance from him maybe once a week.

[squeeker]

Aww noo that's tough. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Although I guess you two are still getting to know each other, so if this is how it is right now I think it would be wise to try not to get too invested yet. Because you likely want a relationship with someone who actually seems to want to talk to you and gives you a heads up if he is going to be busy. Maybe he is working extra to save enough money for the visit? Maybe wait and see and try and meet in June still so you can see how you are together. Although it helps a lot if you can skype and get to know each other before a meeting, so hopefully you will be able to have another conversation about that, or he starts to miss you. Maybe you two need to establish a different talking routine, maybe skyping twice a day seems too much but skyping is great to get to know each other. But any method of consistent communication works, as long as you can skype sometimes. But I don't really know what to say.. my advice would be to try and talk to him and tell him how much you would love to skype with him again (try to sound polite and just like you want to spend more time talking to him and getting to know him and seeing his face!) and then try and meet in June because then you can confirm or deny your feelings better in person sometimes. Good luck and stay strong..

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

You two took off like a rocket! Maybe it's time to slow down a bit. Maybe he needs time to process his feelings a bit. And maybe, like he said, he is just super busy. Do not push him, or expect too much. And don't keep tabs on him on Facebook. That will just upset you.

My SO is super busy, working 70 hours a week, along with family responsibilities, and going to football games with his mates. Usually he chats with me off and on, almost every day. Sometimes he goes a few days without chatting, sometimes we just have time to say goodnight. We Skype about once a month. I have had to learn to accept this pattern he has, and trust and love him anyway. I have my moments of loneliness, depression and frustration, but the times we are together makes up for it.

It isn't always easy being in a LDR. But, if you love someone far away, there isn't much choice. So you learn to compromise, and get along with what each of you can give.
And you keep yourself busy, doing things that fulfill you and make you happy. That is really the key to this.

[temporaryuser]

like pp stated, the relationship took off really fast.
Have you actually set a date and made plans to meet? Did you ever talk about being in an exclusive relationship?
Its hard to say what he is thinking, and I would never assume. Since it has been less than 2 months, he could truely be busy (my SO is extremely busy - works ft as a firefighter/paramedic, pt as a cop and take 16 credits in a masters of nursing program. We dont get to talk alot, but we do have an end date of Septemeber of this year). He could also be talking to other girls.
Meeting someone and being in a new ldr, it can be so easy to not be honest with the other person. The only reson I say that is so that you dont invest too much of yourself before you realize it is or isnt the person you deserve.

[Maribeth]

MAybe we're used to different types of relationships. I'm latina and we are very affectionate and warm people and we tend to have really close relationships. He on the other hand has been used to taking time away from his previous SO's because of work (he's in the ARMY). I understand that we can't Skype everyday or sometimes not even in a whole week. When we talked about this a couple of weeks ago I told him I can understand you are busy and we can't talk ALL DAY or sometimes even Skype. But I don't think a Good morning, miss you, good night, txt will take more than 20 secs. of your life. And I would greatly appreciate those, because of what I'm used to. I can compromise on not talking al the time or Skyping, why can't he compromise on txting me at least to say good night. Ifeel like those small txts are what sometimes gives you the fuel you need to persevere in these kind of relationships. They let you know you're not alone in this. And what ticks me off is that from the very begining he's been the one getting my hopes up, and I feel like he pulls back sometimes. He's the one who called me his gf to his friends first. I actually asked him "Are we bf and gf? Are we exclusive and serious about each other? We haven't talked about this" and he said "I consider you my gf and talk to my friends about you as such" and then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to be his gf. Which was extremely cute. He's the one who began mentioning meeting IRL. We both agreed on June. When we do talk he does say "When we meet in June...", so that gives me some reassurance. It's just really difficult for me to get used this way of communicating, and I'm feeling a little short changed. I DEFINITELY want us to meet in June. Maybe things will change for both of us once we meet IRL, maybe for better, maybe for worse. I'll just try to not get ANY ideas about it.

[RachelAnne]

He sounds like he's still interested in meeting in June and he still cares about you a lot. But it is good to communicated things to him that you expect out of a relationship--I don't think a text in the morning and a text at night is too much to ask for, especially if ya'll don't talk much during the day. I recently told my SO that I needed that as well, and he reassured me that he's okay going without talking as much because he's just confident in our relationship and our love for each other. Maybe your SO feels the same way? Maybe he doesn't need that reassurance that you do because he knows how you feel about each other and he's okay with not talking as much Ask him what ya'll can do to both meet in the middle somewhere to make each other happy. Good luck!

[whatruckus]

Is he Active Duty, or Reserves/NG? I'm only asking because sometimes when they're active duty, they really don't even have time to text you back. Yes, I know it's frustrating, but try to not to take it to heart too much. My boyfriend is National Guard and when he's away for drill or annual training, I get mad at him when he doesn't text me or call me. A lot of the time, they really are busy and sometimes when they do have free time, they'd really rather just lay down and take a nap.

It sounds like how my boyfriend was when we first started talking. He was really enthusiastic and we talked ALL the time. After we started dating, it slowed down. He admitted to me that it started being too much for him, which is understandable. As women, we tend to be more focused on always talking to our guys, while men usually don't like talking that much. I've gotten used to it. Ha. But, it didn't mean that he didn't want to be with me. Everyone is different. Some guys really like talking, and some don't.

Are you guys officially dating, or just talking right now? Have you discussed being in a relationship together? That was something my boyfriend and I talked a lot about before we actually started dating. Especially since he was supposed to be deployed, but it got cancelled. He wanted to make sure that I could handle the deployment before we got together.

Being in a military relationship is extremely different than being in a civilian one, even if he's not Active Duty, which is something I've learned. Try asking this in the Military forum too. MilSO's are very helping and understanding of these types of situations. :]

Also, I text my boyfriend a lot and he never responds to me. Lol. It's something I like to nag him for. :P

[Maribeth]

He's active duty. We have talked about the relationship and we are exclusive and are bf and gf. hahaha each time I say that I feel like I'm in high school again. Sometimes he even has 24 hour rotation and it sucks for him. I can understand being tired, busy, overloaded with work, etc. But still I don't think a Good morning or good night text can take up more than 20 secs. I don't need a conversation. Anything that tells me he is thinking about me at some point during the day. I'd even settle for a smiley face.

[whatruckus]

Like I said, sometimes they are exhausted and the last thing on their mind is to text you. Maybe he thinks if he texts you that you'll want to try and start a full conversation with him, and at the time, he doesn't want to, so in order for him to avoid you being mad at him when he doesn't respond back to you, he just doesn't initiate anything to get your hopes up.

Also, you guys have been dating for about a month and a half, and for my relationship, that was around the time my boyfriend weaned off talking to me a lot throughout the day.

I don't think he's losing interest because you said when you do talk, he's pretty enthusiastic.

Talk to him again about how this is making you feel and that you feel a little neglected, and almost like he's not as interested anymore. Send him an email or a text saying that you'd like to talk to him.

I would be more worried if he was going at least a week or two without talking to you, but it seems that you do get to talk to him a few times a week.

[Maribeth]

Thank you all for answering this thread. I'ts been over a week I think, and all your messages did give me some perspective and incentive to keep going. I have REALLY tried to stay positive and understanding towards his communication or lack there of. I think I was doing pretty well until yesterday. I haven't heard from him since Thursday and well I'm really starting to feel disappointed and somewhat ignored. I'm still hangin in there and I KNOW I still want to keep this relationship going. But, I'm starting to feel kind of alone in this. I'm starting to feel a little stupid for getting my hopes up so high, I blame him to be honest LOL. He's the one who's given me so much to look forward to from the very beginning, and I want to wait until we meet to see if maybe after that things change regarding communication, but I'm scared of hoping so much for that day to come and then for it not to happen. I think I'd be crushed if we don't actually get to meet in June.

Again, thank you all for answering and giving advice and support.

[Unconditional]

My SO is in the army, sometimes I go a few days of not hearing from him, out sometimes a week! (Even less on skyping.) He's just THAT busy.
So perhaps your SO is that busy as well?
I let mine slide, because if I ask he usually lets me know beforehand, or afterwards.
It takes a lot of faith and trust though.
I agree with others, your relationship did take off quite quickly, just gotta tough this drought out =)