I Need Advice.....AND To Vent

[Emerald]

So I met a guy about a year ago on a website community for anxiety, and I was finishing my senior year in high school while he was finishing his freshman year of college. It was strange how comfortable I was with giving him my phone number to take it offline because I had NEVER done that with anyone online, and I was actually trying to stop talking to him for a while because I just thought online relationships were weird. But then he grew on me and we have been texting nonstop ever since, and we have seriously never gone a single day without communicating. My goal was to keep things as friends because long distance relationships just aren't for me and I know this sounds shallow, but I just didn't think he was very good looking. But now I am so attracted to him after knowing his mind and his heart. Its like he just has the sexiest personality lol and he is super tall and has beautiful brown eyes and I just don't know how I could have ever thought he was bad looking.

He is just so sweet too, just this morning he said "I just don't understand how someone can be so beautiful." talking about me, and he has never asked for a naked picture or anything or even steered the conversation that way. He is just so concerned about not making me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I am falling madly in love with him. Like I honestly cant picture a future without him, and it only got stronger when he drove the 15 hours just to see me in person. All we did was talk and hang out when we were together. Like I cant believe how we had so much to talk about, but we didn't kiss or anything and hugged like once, but I couldn't believe how totally empty I felt when he left. It was like he took a piece of me when he left. Especially since I was so stupid when he left. We met at this park and he bought me flowers and told me that he never felt this way about anyone before and that he just felt like he needed to tell me that and get it off his chest. So in response I told him that I really liked him too but I thought it would be better if we dated other people which I could tell broke his heart. An hour after he left, I sent him a long text message about how much I loved him and I put all my feelings out there and admitted that I am just not ready to be in something like a long distance relationship.

We are still "just friends" but I think our relationship is just getting stronger which honestly scares me a little. Last night we talked on the phone from 10:30pm until 5:00am this morning! And we weren't even talking about anything really. Its just scary cuz I honestly feel like he could be "the one." Its like I love him so much that it hurts, and I don't know what I should do because I personally don't think our relationship would last if it was long distance, because I tend to freak out when things get too serious. And I am also afraid of how a committed long distance relationship might affect his life too. he has never come out and said it but he has a way of revealing too much without meaning to (which I think is kind of adorable lol) but I think he is thinking of dropping out of college to be able to be closer to me. He is 19 and is already talking about trying to find a "stable, real job" and talking about getting like some sort of automotive repair license because he "could get one from any community college in the country." This just kind of makes me nervous because I would love for him to move to where I am, but he needs to finish college and I am practically begging him to stay in school. My dad is a college drop out, so I know first-hand how tough it is to find a good paying job without a diploma.

Here is my problem, I love him sooo much, but I just don't think that anything more than friendship is possible right now because it just costs so much to make the trip to visit each other, and we are both in college so we cant just move closer to each other, and it will be YEARS before living closer would be possible. I know that it is very unrealistic to think that neither of us will date other people in that time, I even was dating this other guy from one of my classes but it ended up not working out honestly cuz I was too busy thinking about my long distance guy. I am just so afraid that I will lose him forever, but I am also afraid of things not working out with long distance and losing him that way.

I know this is long, and I don't really have a question in there, but any advice/stories of personal experience are greatly appreciated.

[whatruckus]

Didn't you make another post a few days ago about this? O.o

Anyways, it seems like you're afraid to be in a LDR with him, but at the same time you want to be with him. If you really want to be with him, you'll make the relationship work. If it doesn't, at least you tried and can't say that you didn't. But, in order for an LDR to work, you BOTH need to make the effort and commitment to each other. You don't need to see each other all the time and make numerous trips. You guys seem to be doing fine enough right now with how it is. You can always Skype and what not. The big thing that I'm going to stress is that both of you need to put the work in. Not just one of you. Like me and my boyfriend always say to each other: It's 50/50.

If you two do decide to get together and make it official, I would say that you should make him make you a promise that he stays in school.

But, at the same time, if you don't want an LDR with him, don't keep stringing him along with hopes that maybe you'll change your mind. If you do that, you're preventing him from being truly happy because what if he could meet someone else, as well as yourself?

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

So I met a guy about a year ago on a website community for anxiety, and I was finishing my senior year in high school while he was finishing his freshman year of college. It was strange how comfortable I was with giving him my phone number to take it offline because I had NEVER done that with anyone online, and I was actually trying to stop talking to him for a while because I just thought online relationships were weird. But then he grew on me and we have been texting nonstop ever since, and we have seriously never gone a single day without communicating. My goal was to keep things as friends because long distance relationships just aren't for me and I know this sounds shallow, but I just didn't think he was very good looking. But now I am so attracted to him after knowing his mind and his heart. Its like he just has the sexiest personality lol and he is super tall and has beautiful brown eyes and I just don't know how I could have ever thought he was bad looking.

He is just so sweet too, just this morning he said "I just don't understand how someone can be so beautiful." talking about me, and he has never asked for a naked picture or anything or even steered the conversation that way. He is just so concerned about not making me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I am falling madly in love with him. Like I honestly cant picture a future without him, and it only got stronger when he drove the 15 hours just to see me in person. All we did was talk and hang out when we were together. Like I cant believe how we had so much to talk about, but we didn't kiss or anything and hugged like once, but I couldn't believe how totally empty I felt when he left. It was like he took a piece of me when he left. Especially since I was so stupid when he left. We met at this park and he bought me flowers and told me that he never felt this way about anyone before and that he just felt like he needed to tell me that and get it off his chest. So in response I told him that I really liked him too but I thought it would be better if we dated other people which I could tell broke his heart. An hour after he left, I sent him a long text message about how much I loved him and I put all my feelings out there and admitted that I am just not ready to be in something like a long distance relationship.

We are still "just friends" but I think our relationship is just getting stronger which honestly scares me a little. Last night we talked on the phone from 10:30pm until 5:00am this morning! And we weren't even talking about anything really. Its just scary cuz I honestly feel like he could be "the one." Its like I love him so much that it hurts, and I don't know what I should do because I personally don't think our relationship would last if it was long distance, because I tend to freak out when things get too serious. And I am also afraid of how a committed long distance relationship might affect his life too. he has never come out and said it but he has a way of revealing too much without meaning to (which I think is kind of adorable lol) but I think he is thinking of dropping out of college to be able to be closer to me. He is 19 and is already talking about trying to find a "stable, real job" and talking about getting like some sort of automotive repair license because he "could get one from any community college in the country." This just kind of makes me nervous because I would love for him to move to where I am, but he needs to finish college and I am practically begging him to stay in school. My dad is a college drop out, so I know first-hand how tough it is to find a good paying job without a diploma.

Here is my problem, I love him sooo much, but I just don't think that anything more than friendship is possible right now because it just costs so much to make the trip to visit each other, and we are both in college so we cant just move closer to each other, and it will be YEARS before living closer would be possible. I know that it is very unrealistic to think that neither of us will date other people in that time, I even was dating this other guy from one of my classes but it ended up not working out honestly cuz I was too busy thinking about my long distance guy. I am just so afraid that I will lose him forever, but I am also afraid of things not working out with long distance and losing him that way.

I know this is long, and I don't really have a question in there, but any advice/stories of personal experience are greatly appreciated.

You have been friends for a year, and it sounds like it is becoming more, like he wants to take it to another level. If you love him, why not? Why is it unrealistic to think you won't date other people? Many of us are in committed LDR, and dating others is not an option. Many of us are in long-term LDR, some of us with open-ended LDR. It isn't easy, but the alternative of not being with the one we love is not what we want.

I agree, he should stay where he is and finish college, especially since he's half-way there. Or he could see if he could transfer to a college near you. In any case, it's really his choice, what he wants to do. And you should support him in his decision.

[whatruckus]

You have been friends for a year, and it sounds like it is becoming more, like he wants to take it to another level. If you love him, why not? Why is it unrealistic to think you won't date other people? Many of us are in committed LDR, and dating others is not an option. Many of us are in long-term LDR, some of us with open-ended LDR. It isn't easy, but the alternative of not being with the one we love is not what we want.

I agree, he should stay where he is and finish college, especially since he's half-way there. Or he could see if he could transfer to a college near you. In any case, it's really his choice, what he wants to do. And you should support him in his decision.

I agree. It isn't unrealistic if so many couples are making their LDR's work, as this website is proof.

[Maribeth]

I agree. I've been having issues about communication with my LDR guy and that's basically one of the biggest problems I find in these types of relationships. It takes time to adjust and for both of you to find the proper balance to communicate in a way that you're both satisfied with. And you have that already figured out. If you look at it from an objective point of view, you have everything sorted for a healthy LDR, which can be much more filling and nourishing than you think. The only thing missing here is for you to actually commit to him. He seems eager to commit to you. I say take the dive. If you feel so strongly about him, just go for it. As whatarukus said, even if it doesn't work out, you won't be left with the "what if". Don't get into it thinking it won't work out though, cause then you'll probably sabotage yourself. It's not easy, but then again "good things come to those who wait". It can be rough at times, I had a mini breakdown just a few days ago. And the advice I've gotten on this site helped me through it a lot.

Whatarukus is inlcuded among those people who gave me advice.

On the school issue, just talk to him straight forward about it. Tell him that the idea of you both getting in a relationship is not for either of you to change your life course, it's to share both your paths. Some of us have to wait YEARS to be able to close the distance, some for money reasons, others for family, studies or work issues. But in the end the idea is for both of you to grow as a person side by side. Tell him he needs to keep going with his studies, and that you can make it work and wait. A few years is nothing in the long run if you really think you're both worth it. It's a few years of sacrifice and perseverence for a greater reward for the rest of your life.

And btw. I haven't even met my SO IRL yet, and I already think the wait is worth being with him up close and personal even for a day. Give it a shot!

[whatruckus]

I agree. I've been having issues about communication with my LDR guy and that's basically one of the biggest problems I find in these types of relationships. It takes time to adjust and for both of you to find the proper balance to communicate in a way that you're both satisfied with. And you have that already figured out. If you look at it from an objective point of view, you have everything sorted for a healthy LDR, which can be much more filling and nourishing than you think. The only thing missing here is for you to actually commit to him. He seems eager to commit to you. I say take the dive. If you feel so strongly about him, just go for it. As whatarukus said, even if it doesn't work out, you won't be left with the "what if". Don't get into it thinking it won't work out though, cause then you'll probably sabotage yourself. It's not easy, but then again "good things come to those who wait". It can be rough at times, I had a mini breakdown just a few days ago. And the advice I've gotten on this site helped me through it a lot.

Whatarukus is inlcuded among those people who gave me advice.

On the school issue, just talk to him straight forward about it. Tell him that the idea of you both getting in a relationship is not for either of you to change your life course, it's to share both your paths. Some of us have to wait YEARS to be able to close the distance, some for money reasons, others for family, studies or work issues. But in the end the idea is for both of you to grow as a person side by side. Tell him he needs to keep going with his studies, and that you can make it work and wait. A few years is nothing in the long run if you really think you're both worth it. It's a few years of sacrifice and perseverence for a greater reward for the rest of your life.

And btw. I haven't even met my SO IRL yet, and I already think the wait is worth being with him up close and personal even for a day. Give it a shot!

Exactly. Just go for it, if you really love him and want to be with him, the worst that can happen is that maybe it didn't work out. But, at least you're not sitting there regretting not trying it with him. :] He's obviously crazy for you.