LDR

[msAbby]

Hi im abby im from Philippines and my fiancé is a polish guy but living in united kingdom. We been together for 1 year and 2month now. He visited me last Christmas it was the best Christmas ever, he go back to uk on january and that started a hard life for the both of us. Its so hard to wake up every morning and sleep at night without him. His face just pop-up even i closed my eyes. I miss him badly. And worse is his too busy he work 17hours a day. And i was so jealous about his job coz he often dont have time to talk to me and we dont do skype or any video chats we use whatsapp apps and thats what we use everyday to communicate. Sometimes i felt he ignored me when he dont write to me alot. i wanted to be positive so i can understand him. He often tell me "im working 17 hours a day for u so i can visit u again , so i can marry you and i can bring u to uk to live with me" i feel relieve when he said that but sometimes its too hard to understand him when i write something important and he just text back "im eating we talk after" and well forgotten and not writing anymore throughout the day. Can anyone of u advice me coz i wanted to understand him .

[Carol77]

hey Abby, I understand what you are going through. It's the same for me. I'm in Asia and my boyfriend is working in UK, we've been together for 8months now, he just moved to UK bout a month and half ago. Bout 8 hours difference in timezone and it sucks. First it was ok, we were texting and communicating a lot but lately he's been overwhelmed with work. Exhausted when he gets home at the end of the day. I could stay up just to talk to him but I don't hear much from him, not even weekends. But from time to time he assures that he loves me and I know that. Sometimes it may be difficult, but be strong, Abby. You're not alone in this.

[Petals]

Hi Abby,

I think you need to have a heart to heart with your SO and calmly express your need for a better communication routine. Do not accuse or complain; just let him know that you need more frequent or more quality time with him to help you deal with the distance better. Tell him you know he is working hard but 1 or 2hrs of skype on the weekend will give you both a chance to feel involved in each others life and stay connected.

You can arrange skype dates even if one of you have to wake up a little earlier or stay up a little later. I wake up at 6am on weekends so I can talk to my SO and we are dealing with 13plus hrs time difference.

It can be done...don't lose hope but communicate your needs lovingly

[squeeker]

Well it would be hard to find time to talk if he's working 17 hours a day, that's 24-17 = 6 hours of non working time which he's probably tired and needing to sleep.. so perhaps if he sounds grumpy he's probably tired. Is he working every day? Maybe you could talk about how it's hard for you and you would love being able to talk to him more regularly, even if it means that it takes longer for him to visit again and to close the distance? Because as much as working a lot would be nice to close the distance quicker.. you should have a balance and be able to talk to the person you are doing it for!! Just try not to be accusing because that's not going to be good at all.. just ask if there is a way you could schedule a time to talk and then the rest of the week you can keep yourself busy knowing you will talk to him on that day or hopefully more than one day a week but sometimes one day is all that fits into a schedule.. just stay strong..

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Wow! I thought I had it rough with my guy working 70 hours a week. Just a 5 day week, at 17 hours a day, is 85 hours on the job. No wonder he's not taking time for communication, or saying he will chat after he eats (and then doesn't)...he is probably exhausted, maybe even falling asleep right after he eats. My guy sometimes falls asleep chatting with me, even dozes off on Skype, because he is so tired. Sometimes we don't have time to chat all day, and just end up saying goodnight when he gets off work. I try to send him little photos and quotes, short notes, just to tell him I love him, knowing he can't answer me right then, but will when he can.

You could try to let him know how you feel, but be sure you don't blame him for what he is trying to do, especially when he has made it clear he's doing his best for your future together. Do everything you can to let him know you understand, appreciate him, and love him, but miss him. And I agree with squeeker, that you need to ask him if you can possibly plan at least one day a week to talk to each other, not all day, but some time for you. Another thing, could you possibly talk or text when he's on a break? Even sporadic contact, as I have with mine, is better than no communication.

[msAbby]

Wow! I thought I had it rough with my guy working 70 hours a week. Just a 5 day week, at 17 hours a day, is 85 hours on the job. No wonder he's not taking time for communication, or saying he will chat after he eats (and then doesn't)...he is probably exhausted, maybe even falling asleep right after he eats. My guy sometimes falls asleep chatting with me, even dozes off on Skype, because he is so tired. Sometimes we don't have time to chat all day, and just end up saying goodnight when he gets off work. I try to send him little photos and quotes, short notes, just to tell him I love him, knowing he can't answer me right then, but will when he can.

You could try to let him know how you feel, but be sure you don't blame him for what he is trying to do, especially when he has made it clear he's doing his best for your future together. Do everything you can to let him know you understand, appreciate him, and love him, but miss him. And I agree with squeeker, that you need to ask him if you can possibly plan at least one day a week to talk to each other, not all day, but some time for you. Another thing, could you possibly talk or text when he's on a break? Even sporadic contact, as I have with mine, is better than no communication.

Yes when he can find time he can text me a little quick and then say "g2g" he check on me when he find time coz its going to me evening in philippines why he is working its day time in uk. And right while we were talking when he gets off to work and in bed i just waited a long reply coz he fall asleep. I always write some sweet messages for him and also send photos.
I talk about him about skype or something he just said "yes we can skype when i get home or when i wake up" but he just forget it and im tired of always reminding all of those things again and again. The only reason i keep holding on because i love him and i just dont know if this will possibly work. In what wayy. ? Howww????

[msAbby]

Well it would be hard to find time to talk if he's working 17 hours a day, that's 24-17 = 6 hours of non working time which he's probably tired and needing to sleep.. so perhaps if he sounds grumpy he's probably tired. Is he working every day? Maybe you could talk about how it's hard for you and you would love being able to talk to him more regularly, even if it means that it takes longer for him to visit again and to close the distance? Because as much as working a lot would be nice to close the distance quicker.. you should have a balance and be able to talk to the person you are doing it for!! Just try not to be accusing because that's not going to be good at all.. just ask if there is a way you could schedule a time to talk and then the rest of the week you can keep yourself busy knowing you will talk to him on that day or hopefully more than one day a week but sometimes one day is all that fits into a schedule.. just stay strong..

Yes his working 17 hours aday in 7 days in a week. He talk to me everyday. Quick messages and then goo to work. And sometimes he can write in break or when he find time. Or he was using toilet :P (gross but true) nowww after posting this post i think i maybe goin to used to it. I cant tell him what to do. He needs to work. He always said that "i need to work" and saying its not just for him but for the both of us. For the future coz we plan the wedding in the end of this year. So maybe i have to keep patient and understand him. And just show him that i support him.

[msAbby]

Hi Abby,

I think you need to have a heart to heart with your SO and calmly express your need for a better communication routine. Do not accuse or complain; just let him know that you need more frequent or more quality time with him to help you deal with the distance better. Tell him you know he is working hard but 1 or 2hrs of skype on the weekend will give you both a chance to feel involved in each others life and stay connected.

You can arrange skype dates even if one of you have to wake up a little earlier or stay up a little later. I wake up at 6am on weekends so I can talk to my SO and we are dealing with 13plus hrs time difference.

It can be done...don't lose hope but communicate your needs lovingly

Thankssss .. But i think ill be ok with this situation. I would be used to it. I appreciate it thankss alott

[squeeker]

Yes his working 17 hours aday in 7 days in a week. He talk to me everyday. Quick messages and then goo to work. And sometimes he can write in break or when he find time. Or he was using toilet :P (gross but true) nowww after posting this post i think i maybe goin to used to it. I cant tell him what to do. He needs to work. He always said that "i need to work" and saying its not just for him but for the both of us. For the future coz we plan the wedding in the end of this year. So maybe i have to keep patient and understand him. And just show him that i support him.

Yeah I think you are on the right track.. 17 hours a day for 7 days a week is a lot. Though I guess a wedding at the end of the year is coming up pretty quick. So just hang in there, take what you can get, encourage him when you can and count down the days until you can be together again. Maybe if you can't talk to him but miss him you could write down in a journal or something that you could show him when he has time or when you are together again, things like your hopes and dreams, things that are happening each day, just whatever you can think of.. it might help you feel connected to him like you are sharing your memories and days with him even if you can't talk to him much in the day. Stay strong And come back here whenever you need some support.

[Unconditional]

It's all about trust, hope, and perseverance.
Trust the other person, even if they do forget sometimes. (it happens to everyone right?)
Hope that there WILL be a future ahead for both of you.
Perseverance- through the good and the bad, through the days of less communication to the days of TONS of communication.
Working 85 hrs a week is extremely exhausting, I can imagine! I work 40 hrs a week, and I'm basically tired a lot. So I cannot imagine how INSANE working 85 a week would be!
While he's busy, you should try to keep busy. It makes the time pass by a little faster.
Best of luck! (sorry I couldn't give better advice)

[msAbby]

hey Abby, I understand what you are going through. It's the same for me. I'm in Asia and my boyfriend is working in UK, we've been together for 8months now, he just moved to UK bout a month and half ago. Bout 8 hours difference in timezone and it sucks. First it was ok, we were texting and communicating a lot but lately he's been overwhelmed with work. Exhausted when he gets home at the end of the day. I could stay up just to talk to him but I don't hear much from him, not even weekends. But from time to time he assures that he loves me and I know that. Sometimes it may be difficult, but be strong, Abby. You're not alone in this.

Thanksss and right im not aloneeee.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

It's all about trust, hope, and perseverance.
Trust the other person, even if they do forget sometimes. (it happens to everyone right?)
Hope that there WILL be a future ahead for both of you.
Perseverance- through the good and the bad, through the days of less communication to the days of TONS of communication.
Working 85 hrs a week is extremely exhausting, I can imagine! I work 40 hrs a week, and I'm basically tired a lot. So I cannot imagine how INSANE working 85 a week would be!
While he's busy, you should try to keep busy. It makes the time pass by a little faster.
Best of luck! (sorry I couldn't give better advice)

OP just said the work hours are 17 hours/day...7 days a week! That is worse than 85 hrs/week. That's a mind-blowing 119 hrs/week!!! OUCH!! I can see why they are having problems finding time to communicate.

[msAbby]

OP just said the work hours are 17 hours/day...7 days a week! That is worse than 85 hrs/week. That's a mind-blowing 119 hrs/week!!! OUCH!! I can see why they are having problems finding time to communicate.

Tough right ?? U can only emagine. I am the one who is in this position and trust me this never been so easy i only hold the reason i so much loved him.

[msAbby]

Yeah I think you are on the right track.. 17 hours a day for 7 days a week is a lot. Though I guess a wedding at the end of the year is coming up pretty quick. So just hang in there, take what you can get, encourage him when you can and count down the days until you can be together again. Maybe if you can't talk to him but miss him you could write down in a journal or something that you could show him when he has time or when you are together again, things like your hopes and dreams, things that are happening each day, just whatever you can think of.. it might help you feel connected to him like you are sharing your memories and days with him even if you can't talk to him much in the day. Stay strong And come back here whenever you need some support.

Yes thank you. I was actually making a scrapbook for him. I will give it to him when he visit so he can read it when he goes back home. Im really counting the days coz i really miss him so much. I want to see him again. Im holding and being strong because im strongly crazily loving this busy guy. Thank you so much for all the advices i really appreciate it and thankful for u guys