Long distance problem. Help me?

[jb_bianca20]

Before anything else I would like to thank those people who created this website and those people who makes this website running. I just joined few minutes ago after reading some of the threads and blogs. I am really thankful that I've found this site.

OK, so let me introduce my self first. My name is Bianca and I am 23 years old. I live in Manila, Philippines and here is my story. More than a year ago I met this guy on the internet. On a chat app actually. He is a year younger than me and he lives in Australia. How I started talking to him was weird, because on that day my friend Angel and I were so bored. So we decided to go online and talk to some people. To be honest no one really talked to us in a nice way that day. Except for John. But we didn't take him seriously because no one is really serious with making friends on the internet. That same night when I was alone, I messaged him again and to my surprise he was still there.(we asked for his kik app so i added him there, it's a messenger app for android and iOS) we talked for a while and I came to like him a little because he was so unlike other guys who only talks about pervie stuffs. We talked about our families and ourselves. From that time, we started talking every day and night and whenever we are both free. I wasn't really that serious at first but when we started having regular talks with him I felt something different, something special. I started to like him more, way more than a friend likes a friend. I knew he was someone special at that point but it was crazy to think because he lives so far away from me. But That's what I felt at the time. I started to get excited about his texts and messages and even his face time and Skype calls. Then he told me he likes me and I was like the happiest girl in the world. And one day, after months of talking every single night he confessed his love for me. I knew he would say that right before because I felt it with the way he talk to se . I also felt the same for him but didn't say it until after some weeks. I really do love him. I can feel it from the bottom of my heart. And I swear I never felt this intense connection with a guy before. We became official even though we haven't met each other face to face yet. We talked about meeting each other but sad to say it never happened because of some circumstances. Just almost a month ago he broke up with me but he told me that he still loves me and he was just doing it because it's unfair on both of us to stay in a relationship, I guess most of you would now what I mean. Long distance is very hard. I still love him and I told him I won't give up. He wants us to stay friends though. But I can't be just his friend. I love him and I will do everything I can to be with him. I swear to God I'll do everything I can do, even though it's kind of impossible at the moment to see and visit him there. To tell you guys the truth I don't have enough money to travel, I don't have a job atm because I went back to schooling and I still asks for my parents for school fees and stuffs. But after this sem, I will do everything to visit him. I will prove to him I am more than serious about this relationship. I won't give up. I will fight for my love for him. I know I could get hurt more but happiness can't be achieved without risks, and that what life is, you take chances and you take the risks. It's either you get hurt or get hurt still(you know what I mean?) Not doing anything will hurt me more, I don't want to live my life with any regrets. If he doesn't want to fight for me then that's his choice but it doesn't mean I can't have my own choice, my choice is to fight for him no matter what as long as he loves me. Distance is just a number.

Just by reading this, means a lot to me. Some encouragement would be really great. I know that you guys will understand me. If you want to help me with my problem then it would be great. I am more than serious with this, I have never been in love this much. Thanks so much guys for reading.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Welcome to the forum! It's a great place to get advice.

Firstly, I want to say how much it sucks that you're going through this, and I totally understand how hard breakups with someone who still says they love you can be, etc. It's a terrible feeling, especially when you still care so much.

That said.. I think you should try to move on. I know that's not the encouragement you're looking for, but honestly, almost every time a guy says he's breaking up because it's not fair to you, he's just too scared to say what's really going on, which is that he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

You deserve to be with someone who really and truly wants to be with you and will do whatever's necessary to make it work. You don't deserve to have to fight a one-sided battle, trying to "prove" you're the girl for him, and it might just push him further and further from even wanting any contact at all, even as friends.

I think the best thing you can do is focus on school/hobbies/friends/whatever and let yourself heal a bit.
Good luck!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Before anything else I would like to thank those people who created this website and those people who makes this website running. I just joined few minutes ago after reading some of the threads and blogs. I am really thankful that I've found this site.

OK, so let me introduce my self first. My name is Bianca and I am 23 years old. I live in Manila, Philippines and here is my story. More than a year ago I met this guy on the internet. On a chat app actually. He is a year younger than me and he lives in Australia. How I started talking to him was weird, because on that day my friend Angel and I were so bored. So we decided to go online and talk to some people. To be honest no one really talked to us in a nice way that day. Except for John. But we didn't take him seriously because no one is really serious with making friends on the internet. That same night when I was alone, I messaged him again and to my surprise he was still there.(we asked for his kik app so i added him there, it's a messenger app for android and iOS) we talked for a while and I came to like him a little because he was so unlike other guys who only talks about pervie stuffs. We talked about our families and ourselves. From that time, we started talking every day and night and whenever we are both free. I wasn't really that serious at first but when we started having regular talks with him I felt something different, something special. I started to like him more, way more than a friend likes a friend. I knew he was someone special at that point but it was crazy to think because he lives so far away from me. But That's what I felt at the time. I started to get excited about his texts and messages and even his face time and Skype calls. Then he told me he likes me and I was like the happiest girl in the world. And one day, after months of talking every single night he confessed his love for me. I knew he would say that right before because I felt it with the way he talk to se . I also felt the same for him but didn't say it until after some weeks. I really do love him. I can feel it from the bottom of my heart. And I swear I never felt this intense connection with a guy before. We became official even though we haven't met each other face to face yet. We talked about meeting each other but sad to say it never happened because of some circumstances. Just almost a month ago he broke up with me but he told me that he still loves me and he was just doing it because it's unfair on both of us to stay in a relationship, I guess most of you would now what I mean. Long distance is very hard. I still love him and I told him I won't give up. He wants us to stay friends though. But I can't be just his friend. I love him and I will do everything I can to be with him. I swear to God I'll do everything I can do, even though it's kind of impossible at the moment to see and visit him there. To tell you guys the truth I don't have enough money to travel, I don't have a job atm because I went back to schooling and I still asks for my parents for school fees and stuffs. But after this sem, I will do everything to visit him. I will prove to him I am more than serious about this relationship. I won't give up. I will fight for my love for him. I know I could get hurt more but happiness can't be achieved without risks, and that what life is, you take chances and you take the risks. It's either you get hurt or get hurt still(you know what I mean?) Not doing anything will hurt me more, I don't want to live my life with any regrets. If he doesn't want to fight for me then that's his choice but it doesn't mean I can't have my own choice, my choice is to fight for him no matter what as long as he loves me. Distance is just a number.

Just by reading this, means a lot to me. Some encouragement would be really great. I know that you guys will understand me. If you want to help me with my problem then it would be great. I am more than serious with this, I have never been in love this much. Thanks so much guys for reading.

You have come to the right place. Many of us are in similar circumstances, and we are from all ages and backgrounds. There are many different groups here, too. But we all have a common thread binding all of us together: We love someone far away, and that can be very difficult and very lonely sometimes. So here we all are, helping and supporting each other as we can, sharing our experiences, and giving advice and counsel when needed. I hope you will find what you need here. Now, here's what I would advise in your situation:

Be his friend for now, while knowing that deep inside, you are much more to each other. Do just what this site signifies: LOVE FROM A DISTANCE. It seems that under the circumstances, you don't have much choice, at least for now.

So, slow down, take a deep breath, and accept that it's going to be a long road ahead, with lots of bumps and curves, and a roller-coaster of emotions. That is the reality of an LDR. It isn't easy, but it isn't all bad. It is doable, as long as you can have regular communication, and still have your own life. Stay busy and stay happy, involved in your own life, in your own time zone.

Don't make the same mistake I made, and turn your own life upside down and down under. The time zones alone can half-kill you. For us, it is a 15 hour difference, with him, in Australia, 15 hours ahead of me, in the US. It has made our communication very sporadic, because both of us have busy lives, especially him with working 70 hours a week, in addition to a demanding family, friends, and an active social life. And that has led to many disappointments, with him not being able to chat when he said he would, and me staying up til he gets home from work, and exhausting myself in the effort. And yet, despite the difficulty, and the obstacles between us, I wouldn't trade this experience, or this Aussie man I love so deeply, for anything in the world. We met online, and have never even met in person, but we are still going strong after 4 years. So it is doable.

I wish you much happiness, love, and a smooth journey, without too many bumps in the road.

[differentcountries]

Long distance can be hard even when both people have a lot of motivation for it, and he, as you said, is not fighting for your future. This should tell you that either he no longer loves you, or he is not cut out for this type of love. I think your best option is to just forget about him if you don't want to be his friend. Unless you have the hold on him like a wife, going after him after he ended it will only seem like stalking.

[Moon]

I am sorry you're going through this, but I mostly agree with silvermoonfairy and differentcuntries, it might be time to let go for now, at least as a girlfriend. Some people just can't do indefinite long distance without being able to meet, and there's no shame in that. All the love in the world can't fix it. If you can try staying in touch from time to time, your circumstances may change at some point, making trying again possible, but don't hold onto to much hope with that. Otherwise, make a clean break. It'll hurt for a while, but you'll get through it, even if it feels impossible today. You're very young, don't let this discourage you, many times love just isn't enough. Good luck.

[jb_bianca20]

He said I can still plan to visit. Then we can talk about everything once we are together. He told me he loves me and will always care for me. And he still wants a relationship with me maybe in the future when it's possible for us to be together.