Local & Long Distance

[ldrxoxo]

Have you ever dated someone local and long distance at the same time but you put the long distance in the back burner because it just wasn't working out at the moment? Things never work out with locals here because I think they might be intimidated with how old I am, or they know about my long distance interest and don't want to be Mr. Right Now. What also happened with locals was that they'd be too into me and I wouldn't be into them or I'd be too into them and they wouldn't be into in. There was never a balance in likeness until now that is.

I finally met a local who is accepting that I'm older (he's 22, at first he had an issue with that but I'm like really? most younger guys I've met liked me being the older woman) He is willing to risk being Mr. Right now. We might just remain platonic friends who go to clubs and bars with each other as a date or something, but nothing more than that.

One of the reasons why I didn't want to date anyone, not even a local if one came around is for the slim chance that my long distance interest does finally come around, I won't have someone holding me back in making a decision.

I'd be pretty hurt it took the LDR this long to realize what I knew all along which is why I would stick with a local if there was one present, but in my heart in know it would not be good for me to be with someone when I could finally have someone I've truly always wanted.

I believe in forgiveness and second chances, but not a third chance. And since my LDR didn't sleep with anyone or do anything too too drastic, just ignored me because he thinks at the time it wouldn't work, I could forgive him for that if and only if the second time around he shows more efforts in wanting this to make it happen.

Have you ever dated a local and long distance person at the same time?

Fun fact: the local guy I am starting to see is an identical triplet and um, I'm gonna have a hard time telling them apart so I hope they don't play tricks on me :P I've known twins, but this is the first time I've ever known a set of guy triplets. I'm studying their facial features to find the small details that are different to tell them apart. Usually I'm good with telling people apart when they are twins, but now they're triplets might be more difficult.

[lyonsgirl]

No. I've only ever dated one person at a time.

If you're serious about holding out for the teenager, then hold out for him. Don't date another guy. If you want to move on - then date the local guy. I think you should date the local guy and stop holding out hope that the teenager will "come around".

[silvermoonfairy3]

No, I haven't done that, but I agree with Lyonsgirl about dating the local guy. The teenager isn't interested.

[TwoThree]

Yeah, I don't date more than one person at the same time.

[ldrxoxo]

for the record I hope some people here do know that he is interested in me but not interested in doing a long distance. I wouldnt be dating two people at the same time since my long distance isnt talking to me anyway. I debating on whether or not in the off time to talk to someone else. Not to be confused with anything I did or didnt do.

[TaraMarie]

for the record I hope some people here do know that he is interested in me but not interested in doing a long distance. I wouldnt be dating two people at the same time since my long distance isnt talking to me anyway. I debating on whether or not in the off time to talk to someone else. Not to be confused with anything I did or didnt do.

Just to clarify...your LDR isn't talking to you and doesn't want an LDR, right? Well, then you have no relationship. Date any local you feel like dating.

I do wonder about your obsession with your age, though! You are sic years older than the local boy. That's no big deal. If I recall,you were ten years older than the LDR. Also, no big deal IF he has no problem with that (my husband was 22 yrs older than me and I am currently 9yrs older than my SO, so I speak from experience).

In my opinion, based on your posts, I don't think your issue is an age issue.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Just to clarify...your LDR isn't talking to you and doesn't want an LDR, right? Well, then you have no relationship. Date any local you feel like dating.

I do wonder about your obsession with your age, though! You are sic years older than the local boy. That's no big deal. If I recall,you were ten years older than the LDR. Also, no big deal IF he has no problem with that (my husband was 22 yrs older than me and I am currently 9yrs older than my SO, so I speak from experience).

In my opinion, based on your posts, I don't think your issue is an age issue.

Honestly, I think the age difference is the least of our worries with our dear ldrxoxo.

[ldrxoxo]

Just to clarify...your LDR isn't talking to you and doesn't want an LDR, right? Well, then you have no relationship. Date any local you feel like dating.

I do wonder about your obsession with your age, though! You are sic years older than the local boy. That's no big deal. If I recall,you were ten years older than the LDR. Also, no big deal IF he has no problem with that (my husband was 22 yrs older than me and I am currently 9yrs older than my SO, so I speak from experience).

In my opinion, based on your posts, I don't think your issue is an age issue.

I didn't have an issue with the 22-year-old, he was the one that told a mutual friend that I might be too old for him then I explained to him how I don't like older guys because they've always brought a lot of drama. I like to hang out with younger ones who like to have fun and if it develops into something more he and I could talk when/if that point gets there, but the older guys are just wanting to control me and I don't like older guys that I have met.

Now he's okay with my age after we talked about it.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

It sounds like more serious issues than just age. But I agree with the other posters, give up on the teenager. He already has tried to back out of the picture. Move on and let him have a life.

[snow]

It all depends on how you feel about the people involved. Differentcountries knows more about polyamory and could give you an insight if you want to date both of them at the same time, but I think you should choose between them.

I think you should choose the one who is actually making time for you and who is actually showing interest. I think if the new guy is going out on dates with you, calls you his girlfriend and likes hanging out with you, then maybe you should drop the LD interest, not because he had done anything wrong, but because he is not doing things right. Always go for the guy who puts in the time for you.

[differentcountries]

Should you try to date someone else to forget your LDR ex? Yes, if you can actually forget him, that will be a good idea. The issue of him coming round to rekindle your relationship is not likely enough to happen to be problematic.

[sarahjane1992]

It sounds like more serious issues than just age. But I agree with the other posters, give up on the teenager. He already has tried to back out of the picture. Move on and let him have a life.

I second this. There's several issues that need to be resolved before the OP gets involved with someone else. And for crying out loud, let that poor teenager alone.

[ldrxoxo]

I have had people from the past who have come back who I thought never would at the time. For example, there was this creepy guy who would constantly smother me too much even though I told him time and again I would never be interested in him. I was also trying to work things out with my LDR at the time. I thought the creepy finally got the hint when I haven't heard from him in a few months and then he starts persistently calling and texting me again out of the blue. I never did anything to him to make him believe there would ever be a relationship. He was a local guy I talk to like any other local friend who was very infatuated with me since day one. It was one-sided with that local.

I was very surprised when he showed up to my apt uninvited after I have hinted several times and flat out said I did not want him, especially when he said creepy rapey type things to me I never wanna be in the same room alone with that other local guy. And this was after a few months he finally gave up contacting me only to try again.

So I never know with people. In case anyone was confused saying my LDR wasn't interested in me as a person because they think I did "creepy" things that isn't the case here. It's because he doesn't want to put in what it would take for a LDR to work. If my LDR thought I was "creepy" he would have stopped talking to me the first time I said I really wanted to be with him and the second time, but he still tried to talk to me at the time, but because he can't see me any time soon he doesn't think this will work and at that age, I know they at least want some physical contact, especially if they can't get it, but he won't travel for it.

I'm seeing if this new local guy makes more efforts. We talked last night about going out with him and his brothers tonight. I have a bad feeling he will flake on me, but who knows, he might not. I'll see if he wants to make a good impression on me he won't cancel plans (unless it's for a very good reason), especially since this would be our technically first time hanging out since we met each other on Tuesday.

[snow]

It's because he doesn't want to put in what it would take for a LDR to work.

See and this is exactly what I mean! He doesn't want to put the effort in, so why should you? If there is someone genuinely interested in you in your local area, I would totally go for that guy. I had it exactly the other way around and I went for the guy who made time for me and put me first.

[ldrxoxo]

See and this is exactly what I mean! He doesn't want to put the effort in, so why should you? If there is someone genuinely interested in you in your local area, I would totally go for that guy. I had it exactly the other way around and I went for the guy who made time for me and put me first.

That is true! I'm waiting to see who does make more efforts and go with that guy since I finally found a local guy I like for once who might actually like me back.

Usually it's been locals who have been way too aggressive with me with no basis for their infatuation since I never talked to them like that. They just became possessive relatively immediately and that's a turn off for me when guys do that, but now I met a chill local who will hopefully make it work.

And since we have mutual friends in common I hope the new local and I will hang out more, too. He told a mutual friend he was really nervous with me. I thought that was cute, lol, I told his friend to tell him not to be nervous just act like I'm a new friend like everyone else and then see where it goes.