Being younger...

[80anthea]

Everyone is different; people mature at different rates, however there is evidence to say the human brain isn't fully developed until the age of 25. This BBC magazine is quite interesting.

[Unconditional]

My SO and I started dating in 2005, when I was 17 and he was 18 and we've been together ever since. We were married a year ago (25 and 26) even though people were asking about when we'd get married far sooner. His parents divorced when he was a kid and it wasn't a nice one. We waited to get married until we'd been LD for at least a year because I was moving and like all big life things, we didn't know how it would change our relationship. (Fortunately, it has only made us stronger. I think we matured to a new level that I wasn't even aware we were missing.)

There really is no switch that is flipped at 18 or 21 or 25 or 30; everyone progresses in their maturity (or doesn't...heh) at different rates and that seems to be largely dependent on the experiences they have in life. By experiences I don't mean able to drive or drink, but relationships both romantic and platonic, travels, family situations, work experience, etc. Oftentimes younger people have not yet had significant experiences that shape their perspective on life. The older you are, the more likely you are to have lost a friend, moved, met a lot of people from many walks of life, had to pay bills, worried about something that directly impacted your future, etc. Even most eighteen year olds have not live outside their parents influence, and that's a big life step.

I generally tell people that my situation (where we began dating early and remain together happy as clams) is outside the norm because life experiences like going away to college, getting an education, working, paying bills, meeting new people, etc all change people, whether they realize it or not. Fortunately, my now-husband and I grew together and neither of us changed so drastically as to negatively impact our relationship. What we've experienced together (even though we've taken very different paths in life) has built our bond, but that isn't always the case.

I have to say, what you are saying makes total sense. The younger you are the less likely you are to have any significant experiences that allow you to grow as a human being. For the most part I like to think after you get out of your hometown and you go to college or start working, only then do you start gaining some minor experiences that allow you to think for yourself.
At least, that is what I'm thinking what are all your opinions?

[Unconditional]

Everyone is different; people mature at different rates, however there is evidence to say the human brain isn't fully developed until the age of 25. This BBC magazine is quite interesting.

That article is intriguing. To think that we are only finding this out now...

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I got married to the first and only guy I ever dated, when I was 19, after knowing him less than a year. Part of our relationship and marriage was long-distance, too, because he was in the Navy and out to sea a lot. We had 6 children, and the marriage lasted 13 years. We were crazy in love with each other, but the daily grind, and him being gone so much took its toll. There are no guarantees in life, and sometimes being in love isn't enough. When the marriage ended, my life spiraled out of control, and I went through some drastic learning experiences, and changes, which led to me going on a Spiritual Quest, and becoming a free spirit. My whole life changed.

[Unconditional]

I got married to the first and only guy I ever dated, when I was 19, after knowing him less than a year. Part of our relationship and marriage was long-distance, too, because he was in the Navy and out to sea a lot. We had 6 children, and the marriage lasted 13 years. We were crazy in love with each other, but the daily grind, and him being gone so much took its toll. There are no guarantees in life, and sometimes being in love isn't enough. When the marriage ended, my life spiraled out of control, and I went through some drastic learning experiences, and changes, which led to me going on a Spiritual Quest, and becoming a free spirit. My whole life changed.

Well at least it lasted 13 years, I'm sure there were wonderful things that happened in those thirteen years that you are glad they happened. You're too true. There are no guarantees in life, whether it be love, happiness, or life itself. I feel as though most of us take tomorrow for granted, as I have learned, tomorrow is never a given. We only have today, so you should do what makes you happy and get rid of the things that make you miserable.
What exactly is a "free spirit" lifestyle?

[bubblehits]

I don't think so, I was never in a relationship until I was 19. And my boyfriend was getting close to proposing to me when he died. And now I'm in a relationship again, I turn 21 this November, I am 8 years younger than my SO but we are starting to plan ahead.

My parents got married young, my mum was married at 21, had me when she was 23.

I will say though, at a younger age your perception of love is going to be different than when you are older. But love is something that grows as you get older and changes.

[Harlequin]

I think it all depends on a person. I know some people who were like...born to be married at a young age, and have that happy little family in their house with the picket fence and the dog etc. There's nothing wrong with that, either.

For me, I think being younger was all about trial and error. I don't think I ever actually loved in relationships I had in my teenage years, because I didn't even know what I wanted, and I kind of felt like saying "I love you" was more of an obligation after x amount of months. Also, my standards were really superficial things that you can't base an entire relationship on. I needed those years to grow up, really, and figure out some internal things. I needed better standards, and I needed to stop trying to prove things to people. I turn 23 in two weeks, and am only now starting to feel like I'm emotionally ready to take on things like being engaged. I'm still not ready to think about marriage in a way that's not watching cheesy bridal shows, but I'll get there eventually. I don't plan on getting engaged any time soon, because I have other things I need to take care of first before I even consider settling down, but I'm still way more prepared for it now than I would have been two years ago.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

When I say "free-spirited" it means I totally broke free, and lived my life my way, broke the rules of society and religion, and started really being myself. I spent my marriage meekly obeying my husband, in a very controlling church, completely tied down. When I hit 40, which was actually 6 years after the divorce, I started traveling on my own, lived at the beach, got involved in different relationships, and studied different types of spirituality. I also became more creative. I gave up physical custody of the children to him, because he was better off financially, and able to give them more stability than I could. He had also remarried by then. I never have remarried. My ex has been married over twice as long as we were.

[Malaga]

The best you can do in a relationship at any age is take each day as it comes. But this is especially true for young love, as in your teen years everything changes practically on a daily basis. Your personality, your choices, your relationships. It's all a bit unpredictable and that's normal. But it's not solid ground for making long-term relationship plans.

[Dezface]

I agree that the legality of being married makes you work harder for a relationship. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's not. I got together with my ex when I was 17. We got married when I was 20 and divorced at 26. But really, the relationship started going downhill around 23. Had we not been married I probably would have ended it then. But that piece of paper kept me on that sinking ship for 3 more years.

[Deleted]

I guess I'm here to offer a different perspective. My previous SO was two and a half years older than me, and I don't think it changed anything in the relationship. I was just as mature (if not more) than he was, so maturity-wise, it was equal.

The guy I like now is two years older, and so far I haven't noticed our ages coming into play. Intellectually, we're on the same page, but this is of course a case-to-case basis. I don't think age is always the biggest barrier in relationships, but it certainly can be in some instances.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I think that maturity more than age come to play in your question. Of course the stereotype is that those who are young are immature and those who are older are mature but I've found that to not be true. I have been told since I was child that I seem a few years older than I am due to maturity; for example, when I was 21 many people thought I was 23 or 24 based on how I act. I know many people who are older than I but are not mature enough to handle a serious relationship and there's nothing wrong with that.

I see and hear about a lot of young marriages because I'm in the military. The military divorce rate in the U.S. is around 50% and while some are due to the extra stress, deployments, TDYs, etc. I believe that a good percent are due to people marrying too soon. I believe that those who do not marry for the right reasons with the correct mindset, are more likely to have their marriages end. My SO and I believe that marriages should begin on a solid foundation and our will be Christ-centered. I know everyone does not believe as we do but we feel that by placing everything into a Higher Power's hands, we and our marriage will be better than if we tried to handle things ourselves.

It really just depends on the couple, where they are in life, and their mindsets. I'm not one to judge what others do but it certainly doesn't hurt to have a few years of adult experience under your belt before marrying.

[youngisthan]

I think what matter is love and not age, if you are truly in love nothing can come between your relationship.

[Dezface]

I think when you're young you always perceive yourself as more mature than your age. Then you get a bit older and realize you really weren't at all.

[differentcountries]

Love matters but so does common sense. I had one quick marriage at 23 which soon ended in divorce. We thought we were oh so mature, but we did not know ourselves that well, and the combination of us really got ugly at some point. I am glad I at least had the dignity to get through the papermill of divorce when all was over.