Is it worth it?

[hmmtayy]

My bf and I have been together for 2 years. He lives in Michigan and I live in Ohio although the distance sucks, it's not an unmanageable distance between us.
What causes us our biggest problem is he is Muslim and I am Christian, but this is only a problem for his family. What is so difficult for us is that I am not welcomed in their home and since we live so far, when I come visit he'll either sneak me in or we'll buy a hotel for a night or two. He is not very religious, but his family is. It's very stressful on me not being able to visit and stay comfortably when I get an opportunity to visit him. He is currently living under their roof while he goes to college and hopes that in 2-3 years he'll have his own apartment and this won't be a problem for us. But what is also looming in our future is the uncertainty of us ever getting married because of his family. He is not sure they will be accepting of him wanting to marry me, which would mean that they would disown him. Neither of us are comfortable or even sure what we'd do in that case. With the distance, the family problems, and the uncertainty I sometimes find it hard to understand why I am in this relationship.

But then I remember that he is my best friend. Both of us make every decision, hoping that it'll work out between us. We love each other deeply, truly, in ways I didn't think honestly existed. If I believed in soul mates, i'd say he was mine... and if I chose to walk away from him well, i just can't imagine that yet.

So I need to know if others think its worth it?

[differentcountries]

Yes. We are also worried about his mother's disowing (my parents will probably not be thrilled as well, but they would not disown me) . I have asked myself if I can make him choose if need be, and I think I can. After all, he loves me. And the thought of loosing him breaks my heart. We are a team, and I regard him as family even though we live most of the time in different countries. We currently share a flat in his work town, most of his family live a day away with bus.

[TaraMarie]

My opinion is (speaking as a parent of a 24 yr old daughter), you are MEANT to marry the man you love. You are MEANT to go off together and start a life. It's the natural order of things. It's sad when parents throw their own misguided opinions into the mix and make their children pick their love over their family. As a parent, I WANT people other than family to love my daughter. I WANT her to be happy. And I NEVER want to lose her, so I will be accepting of any man she chooses, as long as he doesn't hurt her.

You SO needs to decide, when the time comes, if he will pick his family or his love. He isn't the one who is making that decision. They are forcing him. Good luck!

[nottheprincesspeach]

I agree with above. It should all be discussed, including how your differing religions will play in the future if you plan to have children, etc. Hopefully even if your SO's family doesn't agree at first they will come around.

[OperaDiva]

Speaking as someone who has dated a Muslim guy whose parents would never accept an atheist into their family, it is not an easy situation (he ended up marrying a girl who converted to be with him, I could never do that with a clear conscious).
Try to see it from their perspective and to talk to them. Read about their culture, the country that they or their ancestors come from. You never know, it might be that they are loving people that deeply care for their son! In any case, cutting ties with family over love is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Yes, the decision is his (and yours in a way) in the end, but it might bring resentment into your relationship down the road. Good luck!

[Moon]

Religion is a tricky issue, sometimes it can be overcome, and sometimes it can't. How does your family feel about you dating a Muslim? You're both pretty young and don't seem to have separated from your family much, but in the coming years, you will. As you get a little older, and more independent, your family's influence becomes less important much of the time. If you really think you should be together, then you'll have to take the risk, and time, and see where it goes. Relationships are always a risk though, and they all have their unique problems.

I think it's really up to your boyfriend to make clear to his family that he is with you, and that's that. Many parents claim they'll disown their children for one reason or another, but most don't, it's just a scare tactic they use to get their way, parents DO manipulate their children, but they usually do it because they really do want what they think is best for them. Do you plan on having children, and if so, which religion will you bring them up in? That could have a difference in how his parents think.