How do I explain myself?

[Maximum212]

Well, I feel pretty bad. There's this really interesting girl, we met online about 2 weeks ago. She already likes me quite a lot, but due to limitations (parents, we're both 17 but I'm the one with limitations) we can't date for quite a long while. Not to mention the fact that we met online. She knows this, yet presses that she likes me. At first, I was caught off guard when she said she liked me, and asked if we were going steady. I said yes (this was about a week ago, maybe a day or two less and I had interest in her), but today I basically changed my mind. I told her that I thought she was interesting and I was hoping that she stayed around, regardless of whether we ended up dating or just being friends which is what I wanted for now, and she didn't take it well. I just don't want to rush, I like her as a person but I'm not all that sure yet if I want things to really progress. Plus technically we can't progress much further for a really long time, 1 year or more. My bet is five years since my family doesn't want me dating until after college which I think is crazy. I've tried time and time again to get them to let me date but they won't budge. I want her to understand, but I have no way of putting such a thing lightly, without hurting her somehow. I just want to get to know her for now without the complication of feelings that can't really be acted upon, that's all. How can you tell someone that they seem promising but for now all you want is friendship, when you know they like you?
I don't want to rush with her or anyone for that matter. Usually I don't make friends easily, and I'm usually not comfortable with people so quickly. If I had to put a time on it, it takes me a few months to a year to be really comfortable with someone, or remotely consider them a friend. Yet with her we can talk really easily and I'm already hoping that she never leaves. I've been in this situation before, a girl told me she would wait for me (she knew my situation) then some guy who she was previously interested in came back and she had to 'make a choice' between the two of us, eventually choosing him.
So I've been hurt before, but that incident actually helped me form well needed limitations. I want her to understand that I don't want or mean to hurt her. She's had her share of messed up relationships, and I don't want to become one of those. What should I do? I told her I want to take things one day at a time, she kept pressing that she liked me and kept trying to get me to say that I wanted her. That made me uncomfortable, because I like her as a person but I didn't want to jump the gun and say "I want you." Am I just overthinking this?

[temporaryuser]

honestly, she sounds very immature and needy. And the type of person that will constantly be on you about not giving her enough attention. You dont want a relationship right now. Thats all you need to say.

[nottheprincesspeach]

If she doesn't understand, put it in the clearest possible terms of what you want and need. If that doesn't work with her then that's unfortunate. Also I don't know if you have some culture other than just the U.S., but once you get to college you should try and assert yourself more and make your own decisions. My father continually tried to tie paying money for college into making choices for me. If you let that continue they'll do it your whole life. I recommend asserting yourself on smaller things and explaining that you need to learn to be an adult, and that can't happen with them making choices for you. If they've truly raised you well up until college it won't be an issue. My dad ultimately cared more about me finishing college than making choices for me.

[folclor]

That sort of thing happened with myself and my fiance the first time we met online. We'd both just gotten out of relationships but ended up falling fairly hard for each other so I wanted to jump right into things. He said no, but then he said yes, but then he changed his mind and said no (because we hadn't met in person, he felt it was too early, he didn't want to be in a relationship so soon after getting out of the last one) and didn't talk to me for a bit, then he said yes (over and over until we met in person). Her reaction is typical to a normal 17 year old girl and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Explain to her as gently as possible that you like her but you don't know when y'all can be together. She will continue to try and date you regardless.

If I might ask, though, why would your parents have so much control of you after you're 18?

[RachelAnne]

I have to agree with the others. Just assert yourself to her. If you don't want a relationship with her right now, just tell her you think it's better off as friends and maybe later on down the road, something can happen. Although I do wonder why your parents refuse to let you date until *after* college? I understand they're your parents and if you live under their roof, they make the decisions, but college is supposed to be the time to grow up some, meet new people, and have fun! I'm sorry you're going through this, but there's not much you can do. She just needs to accept the fact that you don't want a serious relationship right now. I hope things work out!

[Jaac]

I don't think you can tell someone that she lookes promising, but all you want for now is to be friends.
She will continue on hoping that she can change your mind. And in the end, she can't wait for years while you figure out what you want.
I think...
If you don't want a relationship right now, you should just tell her that you just want to be friends (nothing about things 'might happen' in the future).
If you keep in contact, you can see what happens. Who know, maybe after you get to know her better, you might start to have feelings for her....

Its a difficult situation. And 2 weeks is a very short period for deciding wheter you want to be in a relationship or not.
Maybe tell her you still want to get to know her better and you will talk about the serious stuff in 2 months.

Good luck!

[differentcountries]

Your parents cant decide that you as an adult (soon) can't date. Why are you even considering to abide to their wishes? I think you need to figure out some basic stuff in your life. You can keep in contact with this girl for a short while to see what happens, then decide what to do.

[Maximum212]

We do have culture other than the U.S. actually, my whole family was born in Africa before coming here. They all have a very strict mentality which I don't really have, being born in the United States. They think education is first and foremost (which it is) to the fullest extent of everything else (hanging out with friends/girlfriends, relationships and the like) waiting until after school is completely done, including college. The way things look, due to financial complications I probably will be staying in my city for college, which means commuting from home which also means I'm basically never out of my parents' sight except for school, just like now in high school. It'd be pretty hard to 'assert myself,' given my sister went through the same thing I did and is actually on their side in this, as well as my brother in law. No one's with me on dating before college is over, I'm alone on the topic.
I want to assert myself to her. I've tried, but she won't stop. I told her that I just want to be friends and take things a day at a time, instead of rushing. I find it flattering, yet stressful at the same time. She's awesome, but I still want to get to know her better before making any decisions. Plus, not being able to date for at least another year doesn't help, and actually gives us a lot of time, by force. Two weeks is too fast. When I asked her why she tried asking me out so fast, she told me that in her past, she was usually the second option, or she would wait for a really long time to ask a guy out and her chance would go by (the guy would like someone else), so she didn't want to wait with me. I appreciated her honesty, yet at the same time still felt like two weeks was just too fast, like we had a bit in common yet she was still a stranger. I can admit that I do have barriers up, after my last failure I realized it was time to be realistic and take things slower. What do I do if I tell her again and she doesn't take it well, or refuses to listen/believe me? I think she finds it hard because when she asked me if we were 'going steady' after a week or so I said yes, then changed my mind to no about two days later, after thinking it through.

[Elizabeth123]

First - you are still growing up. Hard to hear but, true.
Now if you live in your parents house and accept their financial help with school you are under an obligation to abide by the rules they set.
When you become a legal adult perhaps you can negotiate a compromise.
Also, decide if you want to be in a relationship with a person who can understand your needs and respect your circumstances.
It should to be like that for both of you to enjoy each other. Good luck.