How do I overcome my feelings of missing him?

[Carol77]

My boyfriend has been away for almost three months now bout 7000 miles apart 8 hours difference. Started off great we were texting back and forth so much. Then he started getting really busy with his new work and exhausted by the end of the day. Due to time difference there's not much I can ask for except staying up at odd hours to try to have more time. He would text me daily but we hardly talk bout important things and communication was getting less. I tried to figure out what is wrong because it's not like him to just pull away. Took me bout 2 weeks then he confessed that he's going through some rough period in his life and needs to figure out what to do. With stress in his work, being away from me and not being able to carry out hobbies he loved as he was still hurt from an injury from an accident. For him it felt that it was just waking up working and sleeping, having no real purpose in life. But I am glad that we talked bout it and now he is working on getting back on track. I miss him a lot and we have not been able to spend a lot of time on the phone. I'm planning to see him in a month's time. He said he has to check his schedule (several times now) but haven't said anything since. I'm thinking maybe he just got occupied with his work. Should I just go ahead and book my flight since I've been missing him so much? I have been keeping myself occupied by some crafts and handmade cards for his birthday and some gifts for him when I see him again. Sometimes I miss him so much that I would read our old texts and look through our pictures, it gets me teary and missing him hurts so much. But at the same time when I think about loving him it feels wonderful. I would like to know how you overcome his overwhelming feeling. Could you please share your experience ❤️

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

It sounds like your SO is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted with trying to keep up with the demands of his new job, and could be feeling insecure and uncertain with the changes in his life. It might not be the best time for you to be making plans to go see him, even as much as you miss him. That might be too much pressure for him to handle at the moment. Just try to keep in contact with him, reassure him and support him any way you can, and accept his need for a bit of space while he handles the problems he is having right now. He probably has a lot on his mind right now, with recovering from the accident, and his injuries, and adjusting to a new job schedule, etc.

We are separated by 9300 miles and 15 hours difference (he's 15 hours ahead of me, more or less, depending on Daylight Savings Time on both continents), which makes it very difficult sometimes. In an LDR, with time zone differences, sleep is a necessary sacrifice sometimes. When we met online 4 years ago, I turned my whole life upside down (and Down Under) to be with him as much as possible, even with the time difference. I can usually get away with it, because I'm retired, and have no set schedule, and, unless I have an early appointment, or something unexpected comes up, I can sleep in. I often end up going to bed with him, after a late night chat, and waking up with him...and we get along fine.

Recently, my life is changing, and getting busier, and he's working 70 hours a week, plus has family responsibilities, and occasionally goes out with friends. To make it more complicated, it gets exhausting trying to stay up late all the time, and I need more sleep sometimes,. So that cuts into our time together. Yesterday, both of us were tired, he was exhausted. He went to bed earlier than I did, I found out when I texted him goodnight, and he replied that he had been asleep for a couple of hours. I was so tired today that I slept in and missed a weekly Meditation Group that I recently started going to. It isn't always easy to get around time differences, but we manage.

We chat almost every day, off and on, sporadically, depending on how busy his work day is going (he's a taxi driver, on the road most of the day and sometimes even late at night), and whether he can find time on a break. We Skype at least once a month. When he is super busy, sometimes, we only have time to have a quick good morning chat, and then later, a longer bedtime chat. Other than that, I send him photos and quotes that I find on the net, web cam shots of me, and selfies I take with my mobile phone, and he sends photos he takes of places he goes. Sometimes he takes me with him via Skype, to the mall, the park, the beach, to lunch, or other places. Once he set up his cam on a rainy day, where he was parked by a creek, and there were boats on the water. It was like I was sitting next to him, watching through the windshield with him.

The loneliness and frustration of missing him with no clear plan of meeting each other can be overwhelming sometimes, and it takes a lot of trust and love to get through it. Sometimes I do feel a bit insecure, but I'm working through it, knowing that he does love me, and gives me as much time as he can, under the circumstances. And it is a two-way street, he gets frustrated and misses me, too. All we can do is support each other, and be there for each other as much as we can.

[Miasmata]

I'm not an expert myself, since the sadness gets overwhelming for me sometimes too, but I hope I can help a bit.

Everyone is different, and needing some time alone is not a bad thing at all for a relationship. However, communication is always key. If he needs you, he should say that. If he needs some time for himself, he should say that too. In no relationship, especially not a long distance one, should be room for mistrust - When you can't see each other daily and can't pick up on nonverbal, subtle cues, talking things out and being honest and upfront about your needs and feelings is so, so important. You can't try helping your loved one out when you don't know what's up, and vice versa.

Missing each other can get really rough, I know that all too well. I have plenty of good friends around me as well as occupations and hobbies to keep me busy, but going into this I really underestimated how lonely I would get. The wish to have him be a part of my life every day, in person, is so overwhelming and so frustrating. Thankfully, the internet makes it possible to approximate. As previously mentioned, talk to each other, and keep each other in the loop about what's new and what's up. Talk about stuff you've done recently, how your hobbies are going, how work/school is treating you. Share experiences. Call each other on Skype or similiar often, if possible - Hearing each other's voices is a huge help, even morse so when you got webcams to see each other, too. Do things together, like playing games, watching movies, making music, reading to each other, or whatever it is you enjoy together. If you're outside and you got a smartphone, you can share photos of what you're doing right now and where you are. There are many ways you two can make each other feel included in your lives.

Most of all - It's okay to get sad! Let your feelings out, and remember why you have them in the first place. If you didn't have such a strong, wonderful bond, you wouldn't be this sad in the first place. As much as being apart sucks, remember that it sucks because being together feels so right for you.

Best of luck, Carol, and remember that your feelings are valid. Do whatever you need to cope, communicate plenty with your partner, and talk things out when you need to. You can make this work

[differentcountries]

No matter what you do, there will always be a tiny place that hurts. That is true even for me that has my husband with me. Now I will go see a show and I feel so bad my boyfriend can't come with me. But then I remember, in a way he can. I can tell him all about it, even show pictures. On our next visit we might do something cultural together.

Being injured or sick can drain one of confidance and sense of freedom. If you can mange, try to reassure him you still want him during this time. Tell him you would love to care for him. My SO was so sick for weeks last year, he loved hearing that. Tell him you will be no trouble for him, offer to cook and fix things if you think you can mange. Then he might feel more relieved than stressed by you coming to visit.

[Carol77]

Thank you all for replying to this thread. I really appreciate your advice, makes me feel like I'm not alone in this. He's been working in getting back on track now, getting a surgery soon for the injury. Your posts give me strength. It won't be easy but I'm glad to have this forum where I can talk to people who know what I'm going through. Thank you again

[Miasmata]

That's what the forum is there for You are plenty strong yourself, never forget that - But even the strongest need a little backup sometimes, and that's fine! Best of luck