And I thought I would never have to talk about a breakup in here...

[rufuz]

Hey guys!

This could become a long post, so sorry for this right away....

My LD boyfriend broke up with me after being in a relationship for almost 8 months. This already happened like 5 weeks ago and I wasn't sure if I wanna share this in here, but I am still feeling so sad and hurt that I thought I should let you know what happened to me and maybe get some advice from you

We spent 2 weeks together in August where we got to know each other and decided to start a LDR right after this... I visited him again in December and spent Christmas with him and everything was just PERFECT in the first months. We literally texted 24/7 ... he couldn't get enough of me and cared so much about me, even started to talk about marriage and stuff like that and that he doesn't want anybody else than me... We made plans for me to find a job in Cancun and come to live with him as soon as possible, because this was what we BOTH wanted... In December we spent the most perfect 2 weeks together, we had a really special time and he showed me all the time how much he loves me and that I am the only one for him... When I left in January again we both cried a lot and he was really really sad... The next weeks everything was perfect as before, lots of texting and stuff... But then he decided to quit his job because he didn't earn a lot and wanted to find something better.

In February everything started to change. He found a new job right after he quit his old one. And now guess what the new job was?! Animation guy in a hotel Of course, I wasn't happy about that, because if we are honest, everybody knows the reputation of animation staff... I told him about my concerns and he promised me everything would still be okay... even if we couldn't text as much as before he promised to send me messages everytime he can... When I told him my worries about other girls he said I don't have to worry about anything because he only loves me... When I told him I trust him with my life but that it makes me jealous anyway when other girls wanna try to flirt with him even if he doesn't do anything ... especially in Cancun with all the party B***es for spring break ... he just said I don't have to worry because I am the only girl for him and that he only has his eyes for me... and because that was truely the feeling that he gave me the first few months I trusted him and believed everything would work out... even more because I anyway was about to move there in near future...

Of course things started to get worse... we went from texting all day to text maybe 5 messages a day... He started to upload pictures with guests (of course mostly girls) on facebook, so that even someone of his family commented it with "your girlfriend is going to kill you" ... I was still being the nice girlfriend, telling him it's ok, because they are just guests and it's normal that they take pictures together... I still trusted him with my life at a point where every other girl would've punched him already... But conversation got worse and worse and finally I confronted him and he said he knows its not the same but that he wanna fight for us and do everything to stay in a relationship with me... I let him decide if he wants me to come in March, to see if we can get things back together and that I can finally search a job over there... he said yes, so I booked a flight and flew over to Mexico....

Arriving there I already noticed that things have changed... He wasn't putting much attention to me, at least not like before... He was always on his phone which made me go crazy as he said he couldn't text lots.... Then after 2 days of being there he lost his job in the one hotel, but they directly gave him a new animation job in the other of their hotels... But because of this he got 10 free days in between... I was SO happy because the 10 days were exactly in the time I was there... so I thought we could spend so much time together and he could help me with finding a job and everything... But what happened was that he slept a lot, was on his phone, watched tv, played xbox or computer games.... I mean, we also had a lot of fun and great times going to the movies and going out for dinner and everything... But there were more bad times... I realized that he commented other girls pictures with pretty... there were more pictures of him with girls in night clubs and stuff... And I still trusted him ... We had some fights every now and then, because I confronted him with not putting attention to me and also asked him if he even feels attracted to me... but everytime I mentioned something like this he always said that he couldn't understand why I say something like this and that of course he loves me and bla bla bla.... It was SO confusing... he even said he doesn't really want me to live with him, because this would be a big step for us... but that he wants to have me in Cancun.. But idk... he was always saying things that were like opposites... so I just ended up sad & confused...

The day I was supposed to leave I wanted to change my flight and stay longer so that I could keep on looking for a job and everything... but it wasn't possible anymore... So we didn't really have a REAL goodbye... I only told him in the morning that it COULD be the goodbye, but I guess we both believed I would stay... After the change wasn't possible I told him that I have to leave and we won't see each other again at night and that I am sad because I didn't take a shirt of him.... And he was being the cutest he had been in a long time... He texted me that I of course can take a shirt and that I shouldn't worry because we will see each other again soon and that I shouldn't forget that he loves me and all that cute stuff... I flew back to Germany and was already asking me if he had texted me in my time on the plane... because somehow inside I felt like now that I am gone he wouldn't maybe care about me anymore... But when I arrived I had lots of messages saying that he will be so sad when he gets home from work and I am not there, that he will be lonely without me and that he is so sorry about everything he said in the time I was there, that he feels like shit now and that he needs me there and loves me and that he is going to wait for me...

So of course I thought he finally realized that he really needs me there... the next days of texting were also a bit better because he told me he loves me and stuff that he didn't really do in the weeks before my visit.... and then suddenly 10 days after I was back in Germany we started to talk again about that it has changed and stuff... and finally he told me he thinks its better if we aren't together anymore.... He told me he doesn't really wanna break up & still loves me but that he thinks it's better if we are alone for now but that we can remain texting as much as possible... as I told him I don't see a sense in that, because nothing would change besides the fact that we wouldn't be in a relationship anymore ... he told me then it would be better to stop texting... so we did... just talked one week after that... and then he was linked on a facebook picture kissing one of his hotel b***es in a night club... I was SO incredibly hurt... I cried a lot and my best friend texted him why he has to be so cruel and do this to me... so he deleted me as fb friend... We had another long discussion after that, because he explained hes not mad or anything that he just thinks its better for me if I don't see these pictures for now...

We stopped talking again for about 2 weeks, until HE texted me again, making some smalltalk but then not really trying to keep the conversation alive... 2 weeks after that I texted him... also a little smalltalk again... but although we normally decided to stay friends he doesn't seem to be interested in talking to me at all...


I am SO sorry that this is such a long post right now... But I am still thinking of him every day... I don't understand how someone can go from loving you & needing you & feeling lonely without you to not caring about you the tiniest bit... I don't understand how someone can go from such a PERFECT person to such an stupid idiot... even all of his friends don't recognize the old person in him anymore... so it's not only me who sees things like this... I don't understand how he can throw such a perfect relationship away for all those stupid spring break girls over there... I don't understand how he can do this job although he knows he won't be able to do this forever and can't feed a family with this... It makes me so sad to see how he throws his whole life away for such a stupid job... everybody tells him to go back to study like it was his plan... but he is not listening to anyone... not to me, not to his friends, and also not to his family...

Has anyone of you dealt with something like this before? or has some advices for me how to act?

I just can't live without him, I also miss him as a friend so much... I just wish I would have any idea how the wake him up from his stupid party mind and show him whats important in life... He is making such a huge mistake right now... not only by letting me go... but also with throwing his future away and everything... I just believe that he would never be like this to me in person... that it's just because I am not there right now... But I still believe he would have feelings for me if I were there and could spend time with him and talk to him... I just don't really believe he is the asshole he pretends to be right now...

[Lucky]

Rufuz, I know it hurts but you are not the first and sadly I don't think you will be the last smart and beautiful girl I see hurt by a mexicano even if the guy doesn't deserve you. I am so sorry and ashamed in behalf of my country you are going through this.

The culture here is very different, from what I see there are exceptions but the rule of thumb is mexican guys do not mature until years after of being married and having at least one child. They are also strongly attracted to caucasian woman and are great at romance so they can chat you up and make you feel like a goddess... in a way, to them you are... until the next exotic beauty comes along or they get tired of dating and turn their attention to "the girl next door" to marry. You can't change them, you could look for the exception but that is about it, personally I took my search for love elsewhere and I am very happy.

I think he did the right thing to delete you from facebook because you shouldn't be seeing those pictures and you don't sound like you have the strength to do it yourself yet, if he is the guy in your avatar, I suggest you get rid of that painful reminder along with any pictures you might have of him. Also do not contact him again, you don't have to reply if he contacts you. A clean cut is much less painful, believe me, I know... don't drag on this torture.

If you are still interested in moving to somewhere in Mexico because you like the country (I don't live in Cancun though, I am in the northwest) or want to practice your spanish feel free to PM me, we can be penpals if you want, I love long emails and I don't mind if you feel like venting.

*hugs*

[silvermoonfairy3]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Any time there's a change in behavior that leads to a breakup, it always sucks.

You want advice on how to act/what to do... honestly, cut ties. Delete him from any social media, don't text him, don't answer texts from him. You guys sounds like you're growing in different, incompatible, directions, and he has made it clear by breaking up with you and by fooling around with other girls afterwards that he isn't in a committed relationship kind of place. It sucks, it hurts, but it's also his prerogative.

Is he around the same age? Maybe he is making mistakes and being dumb and living it up with a crazy partying lifestyle, but honestly.. if he's gonna do that, and needs to 'get it out of his system' now's the time.

As for you not believing that he "is the asshole he pretends to be right now" that's a bad mindset for you to get into. If he's acting like an asshole, don't think of it as pretending. Believe that he is that asshole. People often make excuses for a changing partner's bad or disagreed-with behavior by saying it's not how they *really* are, but if it's how they're acting, it is.
Think of it as how he's really being. And is that the kind of person you want to be with? No, it's not. And it's easy to say "but he didn't used to be like that/if only he were back to how he was in the beginning" but unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

I know it's tough, and it's hard not to think of all the good times from the past, but you need to try to work on moving on. And often in these types of situations, completely cutting contact is a good idea, at least long enough to 'get over' things.

Good luck!

[rufuz]

Thank you so much for your reply Lucky!

Yes, he is the guy from the picture, I just haven't changed it because I logged on for the first time since then and just wanted to share the story...

I guess I already know that there's a lot of truth in the things that you say... I know he is not mature enough, he is even younger than me... He lives alone in a house now and couldn't even take care of the dog which escaped a few days ago, this is what really makes me worry even more, because I know he is not able to live alone and be responsible for so many things... And I also think it's right when you say "until the next exotic beauty comes along" ... because right now he can have one exotic beauty after the other... But the thing that stresses me the most is that even a godd friend of his says that he was ALWAYS serious with girls before and that nobody believed he could be like this... Because he really isn't that type of macho guy that a lot of mexicans are... His friend also said that she is sure that he is going to regret all of this soon and get back to his old personality... at least if he loses this job... which we are pretty sure he will because nobody can be animation guy for his whole life...

In a way I also think it was the right move to delete me, because I just don't have to suffer by seeing him feeling happy... But a thing that I won't do and can't do is to delete every picture of him and ignore him completely... because he was such a great part in all my vacations over there that I don't wanna pretend that I never knew him... and the worst thing is... that he is the brother in law of my godfather... so it's anyway not really possible that I delete him out of my life completely...

I know it would be better to cut him out completely but for now I can't... I think time will show how everything goes on... But I am very thankful for your advices though It really helps to hear advices from someone who knows the mexican mentality better than I do... thanks a lot :*

[rufuz]

Silvermoonfairy, also thanks a lot to you

As I said before he is even younger than me... he will turn 21 in August... I definitely think he just wants to live that party life right now... and I can more or less understand it... because he is young and now that he has the chance to do it... it just makes me sad that his friends said he was always serious about girls before... don't know why he has to turn into an asshole when he is together with me Also the way I got to know him he was the complete opposite of hooking up with girls like this...

But you are right, he IS that asshole right now... And I am really going quite strong in not texting him... It's hard but I am always telling me that I shouldn't do it... And I won't... I am trying to wait for him to make an effort... and if he doesn't then I know in which place I stand ...

It's just so hard because it came more or less out of nowhere after things got back together so good and I got back so much hope that we could make it work... and then suddenly he breaks up... That's what makes it worst... If we would've broken up while I was there I would've understood it... But giving me back so much hope by telling me he loves me, needs me, feels lonely without me... and then breaking up shortly after that... that just hurst 1 million times more than it would've hurt if he did it while I was there and we were fighting anyway...

[Deleted]

Hi rufuz,

I'm really sorry to hear this.

Sometimes people don't show their true colors until later on.

We have a word for that phase you described where everything was practically perfect: the "honeymoon phase". I think it's something that all relationships go through...and the transition out of it is usually rocky.

You don't deserve to be treated like this. Find someone who is faithful and doesn't make you jealous. The way he behaved was absolutely unacceptable.

Cutting contact is the fastest way to get over somebody. I will say, though, that it's not the easiest. It's perfectly possible to stay friends and be on good terms with one another (I did so with my previous SO. We really don't talk much anymore, but I'm not bitter, and neither is he), but he doesn't seem to be interested in contacting you. And frankly, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Good on you for not contacting him: I wouldn't.

I totally understand how it feels to suddenly be hit with something so sad. I know it hurts, but you'll come out stronger from this. Use what you've learned from this relationship in your future ones. You are a beautiful person and I mean it.

And of course, PM me if you need anything

You're in my thoughts <3

Lori