A little irritated at his abruptness

[TampaLove]

Ok, I'm going to vent about this here instead of to him. It's only a little irritation, nothing to need to deal with. But I wondered if others's SO's do this too?

When B and I are texting at night, we can be on a roll with something, and out of the blue, sort of abrupt, he'll just say "I'm going to bed, goodnight".

Tonight kind of really bothered me more than usual. I had sent him via email some naughty stories I wrote, and he told me (texting) he'd read them in the morning. I made a joke about imagining him getting turned on at the kitchen table. He said that he read a little bit of one and started to get "hot". I said the second story was better than the first. Then he just texted,"Well I'll read them in the morning. Goodnight, babe"

That's it. No lead in, no smiley face, no nothing.

It was just a little after 10pm, and he works in the evening tomorrow. He said that he was going to be able to sleep in a little, which to him is like 8am. And he never sleeps longer than 8 hours. So it's not like he had to get to sleep right away, and I was trying to connect with him and flirt a little. I felt very shut down.

I know guys don't think about how things like that come across, which is why I'm not going to say anything yet. He's done it a few times, so I know it's just his personality; he wasn't just trying to get off the texting or anything.

Do any of your SO's do this? It's a little frustrating!

[merlinkitty]

Haha! Mine has been notorious for this admittedly he's gotten much better recently. Instead of just abruptly bailing on me, he'll abruptly bail with a kissy face which lessens my disappointment.

He and I are good about telling each other when something bothers us, but I never did mention this to him. I would sneak a kissy face in on occasion but he'd rarely reciprocate. He is really good about sending emoticons though. He explained that it helped know the mood since we couldn't see each other's face. It does.

It hasn't been until recently that when he bails he makes sure to send either a smiley or a kissy face, which soothes me a bit when he leaves so abruptly. When he does it, I make sure to send it back to him so he knows I appreciated it

You could try sending the appropriate face to him, even if it's a sad face, to let him know he's missed. I got scolded pretty good one time for sending smileys when I was crying once he was right, though. With the use of text, it's really hard to read emotion so sending the appropriate face helps them know where you're at with things ... And yes, my overuse of smiley faces in this message are entirely his influence

[nottheprincesspeach]

I would just talk to him about it. Just let him know that if he could give you more of a lead in it would help. I've done this with my SO before. It's better to communicate what you want and what can help you feel better politely than to just suffer silently.

[conejita_hada]

As previous posters mentioned, talk to him about it. My SO does this at times either when he's really tired or when he's irritated. It usually only bothers me when he's irritated because it's his way of shutting down but when it's because he's tired, I figure he needs his rest. He goes to bed anywhere between 8:30-10:30pm....wide range so when I just keep talking I figure he has no way to interject. I do tell him when it bothers me and he has tried to change his way of closing a conversation.

[Harlequin]

I definitely think this is something you should bring up to him sooner rather than later. You don't want this to fester until you finally get so fed up with it, it gets blown out of proportion. It's a lot easier to tell in person when someone's fading into the sunset, so even though he knows when he's getting sleepy or otherwise ready to flake, it doesn't always translate through text. He most likely doesn't realize he's being so abrupt, so I'm sure he won't be offended if you ask for a heads up or something, and explain why.

My s/o is sometimes abrupt, but usually I can see it coming. He'll start sending shorter responses, or responses that just sorta seem "meh" in some way. He's usually energetic, so when I see that dip in energy, I know he's gonna disappear soon.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Yes, mine does this sometimes, usually when the kids interrupt us, or he has unexpected visitors, or is called back to work. If he's tired, he will usually tell me so, and he has been known to fall asleep on chat, or even on Skype, if he's really tired. If it's really late and he's had a long day, I can usually tell when he's getting tired, and sometimes will say something like, It's really late here, and I know you must be tired, too, so I guess it's time to call it a night. Thanks for chatting with me. I love you honey. Goodnight. And he will reply back, and say his Goodnight message to me, which is always shorter than mine. Or if he's fallen asleep, I'll find a message from him later. For some reason both of us wake up in the night, sometimes, and just say Goodnight again. I guess that makes us sleep better or something.

[differentcountries]

SO can be abrupt at times, but I know it is just that he is sleepy and anchous to le me know that he will be leaving, and in fact he sometimes just falls to sleep before he is able to say anything. Though he is usually very polite, he is less used to having to explain himself to anyone late at night... It is nicer if he ends with some nice words and hearts and stuff, though, and he has gotten better at that. Some emicons goes a long way!

I know we all want to feel like we "know" when the other person goes to sleep and so on, but even it that was once true, it might not be after some time. Even CD it can sometimes be hard to bring across how all aspects of life can be. I think the more practical approach will be to say "I know quite a lot about this man, but not all", because that will lead you to ask questions more. Perhaps a lot of the times those questions will only confirm what you already know, but the other times you can get important information from it. Plus usually, people feel more important if you ask how they are, rather than assume. And also the other way, tell even if you are sure they know, or should know anyway.

I understand feeling let down from flirting can be hurtful. You might test the water a bit by saying stuff like "Are you up for a bit of flirting tonight?" or any similar cue as to what you wish will happen. In this case he did say/hint he was not up for it (although he did not say why, and contradicted himself a bit by reading and then commenting a bit), but you did not get this hint and continued, then he got more firm by repeating what he already said, which confused you since you had not picked up on the first rejection. Perhaps stating things more directly can work out for you guys, if you find ways of phrazing that sounds respectful towards the both of you. Being a polite hinter can be a wonderful thing - when both parties understand what is being said - but some things are better said straight.

[TampaLove]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I'm not going to mention it just yet...I want to wait until we meet before I start bringing up topics. I don't want to make a big deal out of anything just yet. But thanks for letting me vent!

[silvermoonfairy3]

Hmmmm.. I get where you're coming from, and don't think you need to keep it from him if it really upset you, but at the same time, I don't think it was as abrupt as you're saying.

You sent him the stories, and he texted that he'd read them in the morning. So it seems like he was already trying to not get into a flirting thing or a discussion, but you wrote back with the joke and he didn't want to just not answer your texts, but he redirected it back around to his first message, which was, I'll read them in the morning. You said there was no lead-in, but his first text, the 'I'll read in the morning' was kind of the lead-in. I bet he was probably expecting either no reply from you, or a "hope you like them!" not the attempt to start a flirting thing.

I agree with Differentcountries, I think you missed or ignored his first message basically saying he wasn't going to get into anything tonight.

I know the annoyance of feeling 'shut down' when you're trying to be flirty or have a conversation or whatever, I've had that disappointment a few times. But as long as it's not happening every time, I think it's one of those things you might want to see if you can just let it go. Sometimes that happens, and not every bit of disappointment or minor irritation at something our partners do that didn't rub us the right way needs to be a whole discussion.

If, on the other hand, this is happening a lot, or you're really really bothered by it, by all means bring it up. Otherwise, I'd try just leaving it be, or as DifferentCountries suggested, trying something direct to gauge interest/availability for flirting right then, etc.

As for the part about how it was only after 10, and he could sleep in, so why didn't he want to, it's not like he had to go sleep right away, etc.. sometimes it's not really a matter of the logistics lining up or not, and it really doesn't matter anyway. A lot of times I think when we're in LDRs, we think that if the timing is doable for talking, then there's no excuse, what is the problem? But that's not really fair.

Maybe your SO was just tired, or not in the best mood, or he needed alone time, or any number of other things that he didn't think mattered enough to turn into a whole big deal but also meant he just wanted to say, got the stories, thanks, I'll read them tomorrow and leave it at that. Sometimes guy don't do smiley faces as much, and it seems like using "babe" could have been the smiley-face subsitute here. The indication that things are fine, but he's turning in/not texting anymore/etc.

Personally, I'd chalk it up to one of those little "off" moments and let it go.

[whatruckus]

Ok, I'm going to vent about this here instead of to him. It's only a little irritation, nothing to need to deal with. But I wondered if others's SO's do this too?

When B and I are texting at night, we can be on a roll with something, and out of the blue, sort of abrupt, he'll just say "I'm going to bed, goodnight".

Tonight kind of really bothered me more than usual. I had sent him via email some naughty stories I wrote, and he told me (texting) he'd read them in the morning. I made a joke about imagining him getting turned on at the kitchen table. He said that he read a little bit of one and started to get "hot". I said the second story was better than the first. Then he just texted,"Well I'll read them in the morning. Goodnight, babe"

That's it. No lead in, no smiley face, no nothing.

It was just a little after 10pm, and he works in the evening tomorrow. He said that he was going to be able to sleep in a little, which to him is like 8am. And he never sleeps longer than 8 hours. So it's not like he had to get to sleep right away, and I was trying to connect with him and flirt a little. I felt very shut down.

I know guys don't think about how things like that come across, which is why I'm not going to say anything yet. He's done it a few times, so I know it's just his personality; he wasn't just trying to get off the texting or anything.

Do any of your SO's do this? It's a little frustrating!

My boyfriend does this sometimes with any conversation we have. It irritates me. I always say to him, "thanks for cutting me off" or "thanks for changing the subject." I pretty much let him know when he does it that it bothers me. He hasn't done it that much lately though. I think he's catching on. Lol

[GuineaPunk]

I'm glad you are not going to make it a big deal yet, but we all need a good vent from time to time

I managed to bag myself with King-abruptness himself. My boyfriend would just suddenly say 'Okay' and hang up the phone, or sometimes I wouldn't even get the okay! Didn't matter what the conversation matter had been before, he would just suddenly go, with very little warning. However I have found while studying Swahili, that the Kenyans take forever to say hello to each other, and barely bother with saying goodbye. When one person feels that the conversation has reached a natural closing point they just say daya (OK) and that is that.

Obviously I found this a little odd at first, but its a cultural thing so it just made me smile in the end. I started doing it to him sometimes just for a giggle (perhaps this is worth a try in your instance, either by text or call, if you are feeling brave). And then I learnt how to say 'goodbye, I miss you' in Swahili, and I have suddenly found that he hangs around for a proper 'Westernised' goodbye

[whatruckus]

And then I learnt how to say 'goodbye, I miss you' in Swahili, and I have suddenly found that he hangs around for a proper 'Westernised' goodbye

That is adorable!!! I agree with you in maybe trying it on him some times. Lol. I've done that as well to my boyfriend and like I said, he's catching on. :]