Closing The Distance For Good :)

[Emerald]

So a little back history of our relationship. We are both 19 and we met on an anxiety community website a little over a year ago, and have been texting/talking on the phone/skyping ever since. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend because neither of us want a relationship like that over long distance, but we both have really strong feelings for each other and would probably end up dating for real if we lived closer, just judging by the chemistry we had when we met in real life 2 months ago, and the fact that we are just so great together.

Heres the thing, he had wanted to transfer to a new university for this upcoming fall, and during the winter he applied to my university but sadly didn't get in. Now he just surprised me and said that he applied to my university again and got accepted! So now there is a possibility that we could be living in the same town and attending the same school by this fall, and I am pretty happy about it, but I am also pretty nervous. He assures me that he is just really interested in the school and the fact that ill be there is just a plus, but Im pretty afraid that he will get here and things wont work out for us and then he will already down here hundreds of miles from his friends and family and he will be unhappy. I am also afraid that even though the few days we spent together in real life were absolutely amazing, im afraid that we will realize that we don't like each other when we are around each other in real life all the time.

Has anyone else closed the distance? How did it go? I am in love with this guy and am so afraid of things going badly.

[differentcountries]

It is a little confusing when you say that on one hand you are not in a relationship, but now you want to close the distance (for the relationship which you don't have). Please don't use phrazes like "real life"; most people here regard internet and phone contact as very much "real life", I see my boyfriend one week a month and the remaining three weeks are just as "real" time for us as the week in flesh, there are even people here who have never met their loved one in flesh and their relationship is very "real", too.

That being said:

Of couse he transferred schools to be with you, why else would he do it? But it is a good thing that he has school; that will give him something to do, a place to make new friends and so on.

Being boyfriend/girlfriend and living together/living more close distance, the relationship will most likely not be great all the time, but it can be pretty good most of the time. Life is about taking chances. The fact that you have known each other for over a year, and also have met, makes it more likely that you will get along well once he transfers. Good luck!

[Emerald]

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend or anything. I do regard every single element of our relationship as real life, I just meant in person I guess. And our relationship is a little confusing. We feel like a couple already, although we aren't official or anything. Like we have told each other that we love each other, and he says that I owe him a date when we see each other. I guess that's why I feel like we are "closing the distance" because we are pretty much together, but just don't have a label yet. I mean hes even written me love letters, so its not really exactly a "friendship" either. And I know that of course he applied to my university because of me, but that's what I am afraid of. As much as I would love to be around him every single day, I care more about his happiness, and would hate for him to get down here and be miserable.

[rhabdoviridae]

Even if he transferred just to be near you doesn't make it your responsibility to ensure that the relationship succeeds. Part of any relationship (long distance or otherwise) is learning about the other person over time: their personality, how they handle change and adversity, etc. Many relationships don't succeed because people discover that they are incompatible on some level; the same might happen to you and this guy, but that isn't under your control.

When he comes, don't rush things just because he came there for you. Take things at the pace you would approach any other dating scenario. If you discover yourselves to be incompatible, that's neither your fault nor his fault; that's life

[squeeker]

Everyone gave good advice. Don't worry about now if it doesn't work out, he says he is moving because he likes your university and it will be a good opportunity for you two to see what it is like to be living in the same town. My boyfriend and I spent just under a year developing our friendship-turned relationship before we made things official, because we were both (me especially) unsure about putting a label on it, we both have anxiety too and I was actually 19 when we met online (he was 20), and he is my first relationship. You are so lucky you are getting the chance to close the distance so soon, though I can see how scary that would be since you have not spent just over a year getting to know each other from when your 'relationship' started.. it took my boyfriend and I just under a year from meeting online to become official. And we met in person a couple months after. Though we are international so our closing the distance plans are more complicated.

Anyways really I just want to say don't worry! Although I know that is far more easier said than done. Just try and relax and enjoy each moment as it comes, and take things as slow as you need, just developing your friendship more and see what happens, as you both become more and more comfortable with each other. And congratulations on being able to close the distance so soon!!