Just need some advice

[CTNYC24]

Hi I've been dating my SO since November, but we were talking since last August till we started dating. For the four months everything went amazingly well, we saw each other at least 8 times. We would see each other every other weekend or every two weeks, texts nonstop being cute with each other, sending pics as well, Skype every Sunday, we are at a point where we definitely love each other, but in March everything changed. My boyfriend works as a construction manager and he has nonstop projects that eats up most of his time, he now works everyday seven days a week usually 7am-8pm or 9pm so we haven't seen each other since the end of February. Communication wise everything changed as well, he barley texts me only good morning and good night, love you just here and there, sometimes I wouldn't receive a text during a day completely. Phone calls just once a week or even every other week, we don't Skype anymore, and he stopped being affectionate. Sometimes here and there he would come home early say a Thursday night or Friday night and while I'm at work till 11pm I would text him on my break around 8:30 and with him usually replying that he's relaxing. He barely puts in the effort to communicate with me first.

Since this semester is finally over I've been reflecting.. I've been extremely busy as well and yet I've put in the time and effort to communicate with him and try to be loving. Between struggling with school, studying, working 30 hrs every week, and family issues I've still made him one of my top priorities. I've sent him cards, pics of me through text, and always seem to ask to talk to him on the phone or try to Skype. He doesn't even seem to try anymore with his excuse is being tired and working late. He always tells me that he misses me, but sometimes it's hard to believe... I feel like he's pushing me away... There was this one day in May where I wanted to talk about my final coming up and he agreed, he never called me so I tried calling him and his cell was off.... He then said in the morning he just got all my texts.. well no brainer.I completely trust him and he trusts me we both know that we would never hurt each other. We were suppose to meet up on Memorial day since it was his day off and I was going to talk briefly about this situation, but his whole family wanted to do just a family BBQ and we couldn't meet up. And again his schedule is hectic, I probably won't see him till July 4th his holiday off, hopefully if his family doesn't have another meet up.... I feel like he should at least try and show some affection and love like text me first to see how my night is going when he's home relaxing or even sending me a picture through text and I'd be completely happy.

Small simple gestures of love from him would make me so happy. Doing those simple things isn't hard, I want to talk to him and just talk, about him just trying to be affectionate. How should I approach this though? Should I wait till July if we're together? By email? Because usually if we talk on the phone it would be only for 15 mins with us talking and trying to catch up with what happen during the week. I feel like email, I can express myself and he'll hopefully understand, but sometimes email causes problems as well, not being able to hear or see the person... What should I do?

[aojeda50]

Your story sounds a bit rocky, a little scary =/
If my bf gets too busy with studying and we hardly talk, that's when I start thinking too much and make assumptions. But then he comes in and does something or says something to me that reassures me that we are still very much okay.

I have to be honest and say I'm kind of worried for your situation.
I believe that if someone really does love you and care about you, they will make the time to talk or see you. I understand his job situation is making that extremely difficult, at least a text telling you about how his day went, just to include you.

I would have suggested to write an email since it seems like you guys aren't going to get the chance to talk it out. But I do agree that there can be some big misunderstandings through writing. The next thing I can think about is sending a video message to explain how he is making you feel and how you are feeling about the relationship. If you let it continue down this road things aren't going to get better.
But I wish you luck all the same

[Unconditional]

Don't think too much, that's where your mind wants to dark places.
I'm sure he still loves you, but his job sounds extremely tiring. Not that that excuses him, but to be fair, you said he texts you good morning and good night right? Aleast he thinks about you at the beginning and end of his day..
If this bugs you so much, I would write a simple email just letting him know what you're thinking. That way he can reply and squash all your fears. I text my SO when something bugs me, just simply letting him know what I'm feeling and why.
I hope everything goes well! =)

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Well, at least you have actually met him and seen him several times. Count yourself lucky. In four years, we still haven't met offline.

Same problem, my SO works 70 hours a week, has family obligations, outings with friends, etc. With the time difference we have, I have sacrificed all I can, time wise, to the point that I'm endangering my health from stress and lack of sleep. We chat almost every day, sometimes a few times in a day, depending on how busy his day is, and if he has a break so he can text, but very sporadically, and Skype at least once a month. And usually I'm the one who contacts first. I sometimes wonder if he would even notice if I didn't contact him. He rarely tells me he loves me. He has never once sent me an e-card, not for my birthday, our anniversary, or a holiday. It really isn't enough for me, and I'm about to tell him so.

I don't know what gets into some men in an LDR. They don't seem to understand the importance of communication when words is all we have.

[Unconditional]

Well, at least you have actually met him and seen him several times. Count yourself lucky.

You are right, the OP is quite lucky. Not everyone has met their SO, let alone multiple times within one year. Not that I'm trying to belittle your situation or anything, just stating a point.
Hopefully I just think you're SO is busy right now. My SO also has a pretty demanding job as well, sometimes when it's hectic at work, I don't get communication for a couple days. I've just learned to accept it, it's a part of life, in the end it doesn't change his feelings for me or anything, so I'm good.

[merlinkitty]

I always have to remind myself that guys aren't girls, and aren't typically overly affectionate, especially when they're tired and just want to sleep. With that said, I do agree that you should tell him how this makes you feel. I mean we all understand busy schedules, and construction business isn't exactly the same as full time school/full time desk job (that's my schedule). It's really physically exhausting. I think that's where Unconditional's "don't think too much" is spot on. When my SO was working 70+ hours a week my mind would wander to some ugly places. Really, he was just exhausted from working a kitchen all day. So, yeah, try not to overthink things, but do communicate with him about how it's making you feel, and use your best judgment.

Don't wait until the 4th. That's over a month away and you could really tear yourself up by then. It could be he's just being a tired guy and you've worked yourself into a frenzy over nothing

[Unconditional]

I always have to remind myself that guys aren't girls, and aren't typically overly affectionate, especially when they're tired and just want to sleep. With that said, I do agree that you should tell him how this makes you feel. I mean we all understand busy schedules, and construction business isn't exactly the same as full time school/full time desk job (that's my schedule). It's really physically exhausting. I think that's where Unconditional's "don't think too much" is spot on. When my SO was working 70+ hours a week my mind would wander to some ugly places. Really, he was just exhausted from working a kitchen all day. So, yeah, try not to overthink things, but do communicate with him about how it's making you feel, and use your best judgment.
you've worked yourself into a frenzy over nothing

Overthinking is THE worst thing the OP could do to herself right now (glad you agree). Best advice is to definetly tell him how you feel, meanwhile try to keep your mind busy, remember the good times you've had together. Don't think too much or over analyze everything either, it'll just wear you down mentally and emotionally.

[Petals]

Hi there

You situation is cause for concern. You need to have a a non-accusatory heart to heart conversation with him to discuss what's happening and finding solutions. I have learned that when someone wants to spend time/talk to someone, they MAKE time no matter how difficult it is! It all boils down to priority and personal needs.

Everyone is different but in my case, my SO and I are dealing with 14hrs time difference and he works 7 days per week, but we talk everyday. Incidentally, he's in the construction business too and is under severe pressure. we haven't skyped in 2 weeks because of his schedule but he makes an effort to keep connected daily.

Do not add more stress to his life by complaining constantly, but do speak up and express your needs firmly, but lovingly. An arranged skype date once per week or every 2 weeks is not too much to ask;neither is a decent phonecall a few times per week.

[GuineaPunk]

I agree with most of the points made by others so far. It's a sad situation, but try not to over-think it.

I work in the construction industry (granted, not in that sort of role.) But I know that our managers in the company I work for lead a ridiculously tiring life. The day is full of problems, the site crane has broken down, one of the sub-contractors hasn't turned up, the budget has been exceeded, and now one of the trucks coming onto site has knocked over a lamp-post and damaged the curb. I could go on. Lots of highly unpleasant phone calls and emails, often out of work hours as well. I know that I have sometimes come home from work after hours of annoyed site managers and surveyors effin' and jeffin' at me at 400 decibels, and simply turned my phone off for the evening for some peace and quiet. Yes, this has sometimes meant that my boyfriend has tried to call me and my phone has been off (booo! hissss!)

All joking aside, a job like that can make some people just want to disappear to be alone quite a lot. It can make you roll your eyes every time the phone buzzes, or the inbox pings up a new message. It doesn't matter who it is from, or the content, you just become conditioned to dread those noises particularly if you are already stressed and tired. It is no vindication of the sender.

You say that he is always telling you that he misses you, which is of course a good thing in its way. I think you just need to gently point out to him "Yeah, I miss you too. Would love it if I could hear from you a bit more often. Just pop me a text to tell me how your day is going on your lunch break." I think if you make it a relatively big deal, it could just add to his stress which is unlikely to make him communicate more. As has been mentioned above, men aren't as a rule of thumb overly affectionate, it doesn't lessen their feelings towards you, they might just need a little prod now and again to remind them that you need to hear that affection from time to time.