My boyfriend and I met a year ago, and started hanging out. We went official 9months ago and have been living together for 4 months until he has to return to Europe. He is from Europe and I'm Asian, we met in Asia during work. It's been 2 months since he's been away, 7000miles apart, 8hrs time difference. All was initially well but communication started getting less. He was getting stressed with the work environment, issues with personnels, being alone and not able to go through daily stuff with me or any friends and recovering from an injury pain that sustained over the past 9 months. We text daily but sometimes just catching up on days when he's really busy. For me I feel that we don't have enough time to talk bout us or to make plans for future, which scares me. I fear that when we don't talk bout these, I'm just afraid that I won't be important to him anymore one day. Is it wrong to feel like this, or am I just being clingy and insecure? He is exhausted by the end of the day and sometimes we make plans to talk on weekend but he oversleeps we ended up just texting a few texts. I m trying to be understanding cause I know he needs the rest but I feel sad sometimes, like he doesn't feel eager to talk to me. I asked him bout it, he said he's going through a rough period in his life and is trying to get back on track. What should I do, I want to help make things better but he doesn't tell me much bout stuff happening in his life right now. Should I give him his own space and not be negative? I felt abandoned at times and I tried telling him but it went really bad when he said he's failing and couldn't take enough good care of me and being not good enough. It breaks my heart when he said stuff like that, but I assured that I am willing to go through thick and thin with him. What else should I do? Planning a visit soon but to cheer him up but doesn't seem like a good idea now cause he doesn't sound excited bout it, am I giving him too much pressure? So many questions here, I hope any of you can advise me please. I'm feeling really lost at the moment 😔
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From reading your post, I think the best response would be just to be positive and supportive during this time. It's okay not to talk about the big things (future, visas, etc) all the time. It would be good to arrange to have a conversation about it sometime when both of you have the time, especially if you have not talked about it or if there is new information that would change your future plans. And it's just good to talk about every now and then to give hope for the future. But you don't have to talk about it all the time.
My boyfriend had been going through some depressive stages previously, and still even sometimes more recently, but especially before he started university again because he was on benefits in the UK and didn't really have hope of how he could move forward at the time. It was frustrating because I couldn't help or do anything and he felt frustrated because he doesn't like that he can't provide for me as much as he would like to.
I can see why you would be hesitant to plan a visit, because it would be best to wait for a time when he would be excited about it too. It's possible he doesn't think it's a good idea because he wants to have enough money/other things set up before you visit so that you can have a good visit. Maybe you could talk about why he doesn't want a visit? Maybe he doesn't know when he can get time off yet and he likely will want to make sure he can take off time to actually spend the visit with you and not be working the whole time.
I think the best thing for you to do is keep doing what you are doing, reminding him you are there for him, and keep doing what you can to be supportive and encouraging and try not to sound disrespectful about his plans or ideas... and also maybe try and get to the bottom of WHY he doesn't want you to plan a visit now... or maybe a less pressuring question is just to ask him WHEN he thinks a visit would be good. Even a rough estimate of a time.
I hope things work out for you two, good luck!!
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