This is the end! Not going back

[bribri2729]

Hey everyone,

Every since I talked to my SO about how we should do more things during the week...thongs were great we recently skyped, and had a Skype movie date Thursday night. But Friday we were texting on my way to workout when my SO tells me he doesn't know when he will see me next because he has to pay for school until after that. So I asked him:
Me: So what are we gonna do? Keep working things out?
Him: Idk.
Me: Idk to what?
Him: Both. Honestly I want to focus on finishing school and work right and moving out and getting my own place . Everything else can wait. So maybe I should just be single right now.
Him (a couple hours later): So r u going to say anything?

This all happened through text and I didn't know if I should respond or what should say and I was on public transportation. I understand how important school and work is because I highly value those things. But I'm heartbrokened AGAIN! This is the 3rd time we broke up. I told him awhile back if we break up I'M GONE! I also told him I still feared that he was going to break up with me over a text. I have the biggest heart and it always seems to get stepped on and broken. And I love HARD! Should I respond back and give him the satisfactory or not? Idk what to do! All I can say I tried to stay strong, be supportive, and believe we had a chance at this LDR but I was wrong so I won't be in anymore LDR's. This is the end!

[merlinkitty]

This all happened through text and I didn't know if I should respond or what should say and I was on public transportation. I understand how important school and work is because I highly value those things. But I'm heartbrokened AGAIN! This is the 3rd time we broke up. I told him awhile back if we break up I'M GONE! I also told him I still feared that he was going to break up with me over a text. I have the biggest heart and it always seems to get stepped on and broken. And I love HARD! Should I respond back and give him the satisfactory or not? Idk what to do! All I can say I tried to stay strong, be supportive, and believe we had a chance at this LDR but I was wrong so I won't be in anymore LDR's. This is the end!

We all love hard, sweetheart. That's why it hurts so much.

None of us can tell you what to do in this situation. But here's what I'm seeing. He has to pay for school. He can't afford to do much else right now. I, personally, would never tell him, nor expect him to give up school so he can afford to see you. He seems to be wanting to try and get his life together. This is admirable on his part. I don't know anything else about him, or what his priorities are, what kind of guy he is. This is why you have to decide what to do.

On the flip-side, you've been through this with him before. And this is your third round of it. You'd asked him not to do this via text, and yet here you are again, trying to decide what to respond, and how to respond to another break-up text message. Personally, I think this is a little cowardly on his part. I don't really care for it, but it was his choice, I guess. Now you have to figure out where to go from here. But you do seem to be thinking you're done with this as well.

In the meantime, figure out where you see yourself in a year or two. Can he figure in to that picture? Are you happier with or without him there in your imagined future? It's okay to be selfish, to do things just for yourself. It's what he's doing right now anyway, is taking care of himself. You have the same right as well

[bribri2729]

I'm not asking him to give up school or work. He's the type of guy that doesn't tell me important things until the end and over via text, not when we're skyping face.to face. I know he wants me to.respond back, that's why he asked me if I was going to say anything. When we broke up the previous times he would text and email me trying.to get me back and I was ignoring him, until I finally took him back. I'm happier with him in my life even with all the things we go through.

[kikidee]

I can see his point, however, all he has to do is tell you that he won't have a lot of time to talk. That doesn't mean he has to be single. I think some people can handle a LDR and some just can't. I think the distance is getting to him and he is starting to feel it isn't worth it. I know I've had times like that, and my during my last semester I felt pretty bad because my SO would have to put up with not seeing or hearing from me a lot. But I still knew I wanted to be with him and while it sucked that I could hardly see him, I knew it would be worth it, and he knew that too.
I don't think it is mature for him to think of breaking up every time the going gets tough, but I think that is what he is doing. Honestly, I probably wouldn't want to put up with that attitude, but that is just me.

[Noodle]

This reminds me of my previous LDR relationship last year. He broke up with me three times as well, in rather abrupt and cowardly ways. I thought I was in love and why I kept continuing to let him into my life, just to get emotionally abused all over again. I did the hardest thing ever and finally deleted all contacts with him. I was afraid I was going to regret it and felt like my life would be empty without him since he was in it for so long. But I knew that we would never have the relationship I wanted and the trust was pretty much all gone. It was hard but ironically enough my current SO came into my life days later, and I finally found a relationship that I feel safe and loved in.

Because of this, I don't think you should close your hear to LDR's because you never know where/when you will find love. Just take this as a learning experience and decide that you do deserve to be treated better than this. I know it's going to be rough but there is a life without him. You gotta do what's best for you since he's obviously not thinking about you.

[GuineaPunk]

I personally would reply to the text, just because he has been rather cowardly in his delivery, doesn't mean that you have to. Better yet, call him and talk to him properly. Fair enough if you are done with the heartbreak, and this is the final break up for you. But I just think that closing it off in a braver way would give you both more piece of mind.

[merlinkitty]

He's the type of guy that doesn't tell me important things until the end and over via text, not when we're skyping face.to face... I'm happier with him in my life even with all the things we go through.

I guess then ask yourself this. Can you accept this kind of behavior from him for the rest of your life? You could probably safely assume this is how he'll always handle conflicts. Is this okay for you?

[ldrxoxo]

You should say, "So all that breaking up getting back together was pretty much for nothing? I know school and work is important, but if you learn to sort your priorities, you can balance this out like talk to me on the weekends or something."

[silvermoonfairy3]

I think whichever way you decide to reply (or not) isn't quite as important as what you do after that. It sounds like you're saying you're done with the relationship, and if that's the case, I think you need to stick to it.
I get that sometimes on-again off-again relationships happen, but this seems to be getting to be a bit much. (And he's also breaking up over text.. yeah, no.)

So, either reply or don't depending on if you feel you need to send a message to get that closure and end things, but either way, make sure for yourself that you've ended things. If that means deleting him from social media/phone/etc. don't feel guilty for needing to do that for awhile.

If you're not totally sure about breaking up, you could write back something like if he's serious about breaking up, this is the last time. Think about it, and let's talk on the phone (x day) to make sure we're both clear on what's going on.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

You might ask him what suddenly changed. Granted, school, a job, a place of his own are all important...but why does he suddenly think he needs to be single for all that to happen? What would keep him from keeping his LDR status with you, staying in touch as he can, texting, calling, Skyping, etc., just as you are doing now?

And I agree, this discussion should be on Skype, not on text.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I had a guy attempt to break up with me over text once. I refused to respond to his text messages. I ended up telling him it was fine if he didn't want to be together, but I at least deserved a conversation and a goodbye (which we ended up doing in a phone call). I am sorry for your situation. It doesn't seem like he is wanting to work on this as much as you are and I know it hurts. You can either accept this and take some time to think and work on you, or you can ask him for a real conversation with at least voice, and preferably face (though that isn't always possible I understand). Well, I guess there are many more options than that, but that is what I would do.

I used to habitually go back to guys over and over. One day I just stopped doing it and decided that if a guy wanted to be with me he wouldn't leave me. He would communicate and try and work things out. He is allowed to have doubts and difficult times, but if he really valued you he would find a way to bring you with him through these difficult times. Since I've been doing this, it has been hard before, letting go, but ultimately it makes me feel better about myself. And for those worried about "exceptions to the rule", I have taken a guy back ONCE since making this rule for myself. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I hope you got something from this, but if not *hugs*. We all want the best for you.