he ended things. how do i pick up the pieces?

[Gingerlyme]

so the love of my life just broke up with me, he cant deal with the distance (5000miles) and his heart is just not in the relationship anymore.
its so hard to take in the fact that someone i thought was my forever gave up on us.

I am actually going to see him in 3days. I will spending the weekend there. it will be a torturous 10 hour flight (each way)
it hurts so much because i will be seeing his friends and having dinner with his family still. i am still going because i have a lot of things for his family and friends, plus
i want some sort of closure instead of just ending it over skype.

It will be so hard to move into a platonic relationship..

I feel broken, lost and i dont know how to grieve.

I am actually moving to another country for 2years (max) to work with a really good pay, the plan was to move to him after that
now, i dont know what to do anymore

I contemplated on moving over to him now for a month or 2 before moving to the new country and see if we can work things out
and if it does i will try my damnest to move to where he is, and hopefully with a job that pays alright

he recently had more time after quitting his team and started hanging/going out a lot more. but the group were mostly couples and that affected him more than he thought it would
that lead to frustrations, anger and subsequently losing feelings for me because he didnt know where this was going. he couldnt see a Future.. but i think the 2year plan didnt sink in...

It sucks... i am so hurt because i cant do much since he does not feel the same way anymore

how do i see him and find closure?? what am i supposed to do??

[silvermoonfairy3]

I'm really sorry to hear that, I know it's so difficult when things don't work out the way you plan.

Honestly, if it were me, I probably wouldn't go. I think it's just going to be too difficult to handle things.

I am actually moving to another country for 2years (max) to work with a really good pay, the plan was to move to him after that
now, i dont know what to do anymore

This doesn't need to be decided right now. You can move to the other country, get started with your work and settled in a little bit first, and then think on what you want from your life and what your next steps might be.

I contemplated on moving over to him now for a month or 2 before moving to the new country and see if we can work things out and if it does i will try my damnest to move to where he is, and hopefully with a job that pays alright

I would strongly advise against this. It will likely just seem desperate and clingy, and will stress you out trying to "get him back" and stress him out thinking that you moved just to try to get him back. Don't do it.


Different people get closure in different ways, but for most people, one recurring thing seems to be giving it time. You just have to give it time. Some people find that the only way they can really start to move on is to cut contact for awhile.

I believe exes can be friends, but personally I don't think it can happen right after the end of a relationship. I think both people need some separation to process everything, and to move on.

With it being so fresh, I think the trip is going to hurt more than help, and I would see if there's a way to get a flight credit or something instead of going.

Good luck.. you'll get through this.

[rhabdoviridae]

Silvermoon hit the nail on the head. Moving there to work things out is desperate and clingy and just not healthy for you. I would cancel your trip as I imagine accepting gifts from their son's ex-girlfriend might be pretty awkward for his family and even if you did patch things up, you'd be right back where you started when you went home or to your new country. Time, cutting contact and and occupying activities are really the best ways for closure.

[merlinkitty]

I'm on the same page with silvermoonfairy and rhabdoviridae. I would strongly advise your cancelling the trip. It's just going to be painful and awkward for everyone involved. I know it would be nice to end in person, but he's already ended it once to your face via Skype. I also agree you can be friends with exes, but it's probably best to cut contact for now in order to give yourself the best chance to heal. Don't make any drastic, life-altering decisions either right now. Just focus on the here and now, and take care of yourself first and foremost. Big *hugs*