We finally communicated since the incident Friday

[bribri2729]

Hey y'all,

So I did not talk to my SO all weekend because ever since the Incident Friday because I needed to be with my loved ones, gather my thoughts, and get emotionally stable again. I was not going to reply to his message at all and leave things the way they were. But I had a feeling the way his message was that there was more to this message. So I sent him a message saying:
Me: That's fine you don't want to be together all of a sudden because you changed and can't handle this ldr anymore. For knowing each other for almost 2 years and going through all this shit and trying to work things out and telling you not to break up with me over text again I deserve some sort of explanation and final goodbye.
Him: Can I call?
Me: Nope I'm about to leave you can call when I get home.
Him: Ok I'll do that then.

I was on my way to workout when he asked to call so I wasn't in the right environment to talk to him. But when I got home he called me, we had an in-depth conversation and he explained why he sent that message. He became over stressed because his grandpa is in the 2nd stage of Pancreatic Cancer, other family drama, he stressed about work, and about finishing school and what he's going to do after school. I let him talk while I listened to him, then I explained to him that I understand what he's going through, I lost my grandma last year and I know how stressful that can be. I told him I'm going to be by his side through everything and be there for him. I'm his friend before his girlfriend. I also said he cannot keep over stressing his self out and breaking up with me and not telling me the full story when things get too tough for him. That's not good or healthy. I told him he has to do more than just say sorry, show me how sorry you are. We set some ground rules too, this applies to both of us: 1. Stop, think, and ask yourself if this is the best decision to make. 2. If my SO thinks about breaking up me again he needs to talk to me and tell me what's going on.

We both love each other too much to lose each other so I hope this is the next step to a fresh start to us continuing to work things out and being happy again.

[merlinkitty]

I'm glad you guys got a chance to talk it out. It's hard for us to understand the full dynamic of what's going on, which is why I ultimately think it's so much of a better idea to keep open lines of communication between the pair of you. Ground rules are good. Set the example, too, that you can stick by them. One of the hardest things for me to do was to open up with my SO when I got too stressed out. I wouldn't end up blowing up all over him, and after hours of talking and getting me back down to earth again he would tell me "you know you could have brought this up weeks ago when you knew it was a problem instead of waiting to the last minute when we need a late night excavation team to fix it."

I'm really happy you two are both working on this. Any relationship worth having takes a lot of persistence, communication, and work

[whatruckus]

I'm happy you guys got to talk it out. :]

The way I feel about relationships is that, both sides need to make it work. Neither should just drop the relationship when things get tough, whether it's because of the relationship or other personal matters going on. That's when both need each other the most. The ground rules you both set are important, as you both need to be on the same page.

Good luck!

[bubblehits]

I'm glad you got it sorted out with him. I think that was one of the most important things, getting him to talk it out. It isn't good to keep that locked up inside because it just causes too much friction.

I hope things stay good, good luck.

Also, sorry to hear about his grandpa

[ThePiedPiper]

I hate to be the debbie downer but hold him to the ground rules. Someone who up and leaves at the first sign of conflict generally has more issues than the conflict, and stopping that habit will take an active effort todeal with things on his part. All I can say is it's a massive predictor of how he deals with stress and it DOES need to be worked on and fixed if this relationship is going to work; he can't treat you like his puppet. Also, if it's one thing I learned from my ex, it's that you have to be very careful about what behaviour you let grief excuse. It can only excuse so much. I'm glad he was willing to talk it out and I hope he makes the effort to change.

[bribri2729]

The ground rules are mainly towards him and he said he'll work on it but his words don't mean much to me. It's all about his actions now.

[Ahava]

This is a good start. Wish you all the best in your relationship.