Pregnant and in LDR

[Bastille]

So me and my boyfriend have been together a year now, both in our early/mid 20's. We don't have the most stable relationship which is usually down to the distance as when we are together we are great and the only reason we have stayed together is that we do feel really strongly for each other! We live in different countries with an hour flight and we usually see each other about once/twice a month. I was on the pill but unfortunately it didn't work this time!

We were planning on closing the distance really soon but decided to hold off for a while. I then found out I was pregnant and did not get a good reaction at all (bearing in mind that this is not my ideal situation either, both just out of college). First off his initial reaction was to accuse me of lying and provide proof. He then went on to blame me completely saying it was down to me not taking my pill properly. He is now talking about abortion even though he knows I would never even consider that option. He is being really negative now and telling me that we will not be closing the distance sooner as I have no support over there away from my family (even though I have siblings there too) and is being really negative about us already saying that we do not have to stay in a relationship. Another thing that he done which pissed me off is mention that hes worry his ex may find out as it will upset her.. She shouldn't have even crossed his mind.

How do I even deal with him, do I try talk to him or just hope he comes around?

[Petals]

Hi Bastille,

I wrote a long reply but it got deleted...argh

Anyways, Congratulations on your pregnancy! It may not seem like much to celebrate right now because of all that's happening, but in time, the miracle of it all will bring you joy.

It is disappointing how your boyfriend has reacted to the news, but maybe he just needs time to process what this means for him, you and the relationship. Since you were on birth control, it is confusing to him how this could have happened. Men tend to be misinformed about the workings of these things so he's in shock.

Try not to worry about it too much, but prepare yourself mentally to go this journey without him, in the event that he doesn't want to be an active part of the child's life. I hope you have good family support.

Take care of you and that little one (hugs)

[Emilia]

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! Sending you best wishes for a happy and healthy child!

He has to realise that contraception is the responsibility of both people, not just you, and that no form of contraception is 100%.
To be honest, if a pregnancy is not planned, I think a lot of guys would get the shock of their life. They are going to be a dad! He may just need time to process it. Having a child is a huge step in anyone's life. Give him at least a month.

However, if he continues to pressure you into having an abortion, keeps blaming you or continues bringing up his ex, you will need to say goodbye to him. You need to be around positive and loving people when you are pregnant.

Don't worry about him now. He will come around. Try not to think about the worst possible outcomes. Stay positive! You both care about each other. Stress is not good during your pregnancy. Need you stay as healthy and happy as possible for your baby!

[squeeker]

I would also like to congratulate you on the pregnancy. I hope everything goes smoothly. I also hope your boyfriend comes around. I agree with the others.. he might just need time to come to terms with it.. but if he keeps being negative and pressures you for an abortion/to do something you don't want to do.. you might have to let him go. He needs to remember that no birth control is 100% effective and the pregnancy takes two people. Hopefully he comes around.. just, as the others say, try and surround yourself with positive people who will support you when you need it. Good luck and congratulations once again.

[Ahava]

Congratulations! You are going to be a mother and you will love that child to bits

I have to second the above posters.
I'm really sorry to hear how badly your boyfriend is behaving towards you. He is acting like a 10 year old.
Maybe you should leave him in peace and wait for him to come to you when he has come to his senses?
And if he doesn't, then I am really sorry.

I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy. Concentrate on taking care of yourself and try not to worry too much about the future.
If you need to talk pm me.

Take care!

[snow]

What do you want? Do you want to keep the baby and raise it or are you okay with abortion? (You don't have to say it here!)
Either way, you shouldn't feel pressured in your decision by anyone, not by him and not by us here!

That being said, I guess this shows his true colors. If your pregnancy causes him to worry how his ex is going to feel about this, then it kind of shows that he still has some feelings for her. It shouldn't matter to him what an ex-girlfriend has to say about his current relationship, especially since it is a long-term relationship of a year!

[differentcountries]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! :-) Og hope your bf comes around from his less than considerate reactions. He chose to trust the pill just as you did. It is not fear of him to put preassure on you like this. I don't see what his ex has to do with your relationships inner workings, unless he is still in some kind of negotions about their break up, if so he is overdue to get that out of the way . Guys can be a bit strange about even planned pregnancies, it is a big change and most come to love their kids (and wives) despite initially handling things clumsily. That being said, I hope he get his act together soon. Best of luck to the coming times :-)

[Petals]

What do you want? Do you want to keep the baby and raise it or are you okay with abortion? (You don't have to say it here!)
Either way, you shouldn't feel pressured in your decision by anyone, not by him and not by us here!

I'm not sure where it appears anyone HERE is pressuring the OP in her decision. In her original post, she stated that she is NOT considering abortion. My response would be different if she was confused about her decision.

[Dziubka]

Congrats to your pregnancy and all the best to you and your child!

Your boyfriend's reaction was totally unacceptable. It obviously takes two to get pregnant, so if he absolutely under any circumstances doesn't wand a child right now, there are measures he could have taken to make that less likely.
If my SO had reacted like that he wouldn't hear the end of it for some time. Being pregnant unexpectedly/unplanned is a difficult enough situation to be in, that you absolutely don't need your SO to blame you for it. He should support you in any decision you make about this, even if he doesn't agree with it.

I guess I would give him the benefit of doubt, maybe he was too shocked by the news and didn't know how to react. But he better apologise honestly and work out a realistic plan to close the distance together with you, because otherwise you're better off without him.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

The pill is NOT 100% fool-proof or effective. I'm proof of that. I managed to get pregnant more than once on the pill. And I also found out that being a nursing mother doesn't prevent pregnancy, either, as I was told, way back then. I don't believe there is any completely effective way, other than complete abstinence and celibacy, which is rather dumb and damaging in a committed relationship. And the fact is it takes TWO, not just one. He was just as much a part of this as you are. He should step up to the plate and support you in your decision, not go blaming you and accusing you of cheating! Hopefully, it's just shock that has turned off his brain...and his heart, and he will come around. And, hopefully, he will dump his ex completely, and get her out of his Social Network and out of his life, as he should have done before. She shouldn't even be involved in this, and he shouldn't care what she thinks about it.

Anyway, your priority now should be to take care of yourself, and have a healthy, happy pregnancy. I wish you the best.

[dandelion]

Congretulations on your pregnancy! All the best wishes! Hope everything will be in that way you want to be...