Learning respect

[BlueCat]

My SO and I have been through a lot. We've had a lot of issues, I know that I lost my trust of him and it's been something that we've been working on together. He's had to prove that I can trust him, and I've had to learn how to trust him again, it's hard, and progress is slow at times, but any progress is good. Leading on from all this I'd been struggling to work out why I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with it, why I felt like I was pushing up against a wall. After a particular comment that my SO made to me (which quite offended me at the time), I realised that he was right. He said something along the lines of me only focusing on his negative points. There was more to it than that, but I'm trying to keep this reasonably concise Anywho, so after thinking about it, I realised that it wasn't just that I was focused on negatives, it was that I'd simply lost respect for him. It pretty much blew my mind when I realised that, because up until that point I had no idea. I did some research about what respecting someone in a relationship is supposed to look like, and realised that I basically failed at a lot of points. I don't even know when or how I got to that point, but I did.

I told my SO what I'd realised, it hurt him that I didn't respect him, which is fair enough. But we had a little chat about it which was good. I just feel like, reasiling this, things feel easier. The reason I felt like I was pushing against a wall before, is because I wasn't working on everything that needed fixing. Knowing what I need to do to improve, has already taken away a little more of the trust issues I had. It feels like I'm finally figuring things out. Which is great. Also, it feels good to know that I'm going to be a better person for my SO and be there for him the way I should be.

So important lesson: respect your SO.

I'm not after advice, it just felt like a revelation to me Maybe we could all post something that we do that shows respect to our SO?

I respect my SO by thanking him for things that he does (thankfully I at least retained this part). Whether it be physical things like getting me a glass of water, or telling me online why it's important for him to be with me or making time to talk with me. It's always been important to me to thank him for things that he does.

[silvermoonfairy3]

That's a good realization, and a great point to bring up as a topic.

Respect is so much more than I think the word sometimes implies. My SO has so many wonderful traits that it's easy to respect those things (like his intelligence, his care for other people like family and friends, his work ethic, etc.) but there are things that aren't necessarily things you can call good OR bad that I try to respect as part of a healthy relationship and healthy interaction with each other. Respecting his feelings, respecting his time, respecting the effort he puts in for the two of us even if it's not always exactly how I'd want it in an ideal world, etc.

[BlueCat]

Thanks, you're right that there is certainly a lot to it. It's why when I started thinking about it I looked it up to see exactly the sort of things it entailed, and there's so much! I don't know when I stopped doing so many of those things, it just kind of crept up on me I suppose and I feel awful for it.

But that's where knowing my mistake is a good thing, if I just practice respecting him, it will not only become easier with time and help us get along better, but should hopefully also become second nature again

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

That's a good realization, and a great point to bring up as a topic.

Respect is so much more than I think the word sometimes implies. My SO has so many wonderful traits that it's easy to respect those things (like his intelligence, his care for other people like family and friends, his work ethic, etc.) but there are things that aren't necessarily things you can call good OR bad that I try to respect as part of a healthy relationship and healthy interaction with each other. Respecting his feelings, respecting his time, respecting the effort he puts in for the two of us even if it's not always exactly how I'd want it in an ideal world, etc.

That hit home for me, thank you. I know I expect too much from mine sometimes, and don't always respect his feelings, time, or the things he does for us. It's definitely something I need to work on, just simple appreciation, and not taking him for granted, as I sometimes do.

[silvermoonfairy3]

That hit home for me, thank you. I know I expect too much from mine sometimes, and don't always respect his feelings, time, or the things he does for us. It's definitely something I need to work on, just simple appreciation, and not taking him for granted, as I sometimes do.

Mmm hmm.. there are times I struggle with a little bit, too, just because it can be so easy to get wrapped up in day to day stressed and take things for granted.
I always try to tell him if I appreciate something he did, to keep myself in the habit of looking at things fairly, even if it's something "little" like staying up half an hour later so that he can say hi to me in the morning and I can say goodnight to him.

[BlueCat]

Yeah, that little things are super important. Showing appreciation for that is what leads to better big things I think