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Broke Up, Started Talking Again, Now in a wierd position

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    #1

    Broke Up, Started Talking Again, Now in a wierd position

    Ok, so me and my SO broke up about a month ago due to very complicated circumstances. Just recently I decided to get in contact with her.
    Everything worked out well and we are back on speaking terms.
    What I have noticed over the past few weeks is that although we arent dating and are just friends the communication going on between us is exactly the same when we were dating, minus the relationship our conversations are identical to how they used to be minus the I love you's. I mean last night she asked me to read her a story as she was trying to goto sleep(I dont doing that is something that "just friends" would do, its more something that a dating couple would do). And we skype a few times a week as well

    Im not saying that I dont like whats happening im just confused as to how to interpret the position I am in.
    We dont have any intentions of getting back togethor as that will definatly not work given our current situations.

    I dont really know a better way to explain whats going on. I hope people can understand my situation
    Also, when i first contacted her again she briefly stated that she still had feelings for me, and I know i do too but theres no way we can go back to dating

    Any Comments are welcome
    Last edited by Spazzo246; June 13, 2014, 08:18 AM. Reason: More Information
    Tags: None
    #2
    I think getting back in contact with an ex, especially if the breakup was complicated and fairly recent, just isn't a good idea. It's best to make a clean break and move on.

    Married: June 9th, 2015

    Comment

      #3
      How long had you been dating? Maybe a month wasn't long enough to get over each other.

      Question is why did you contact her again? Obviously cause you missed her but if you two can't get back together because of complications, I'm not sure talking/spending time together is emotionally healthy. If you really just want to have a friendship with her, you need to have that conversation with her to set up guidelines because it should be different.


      Met online: 04.19.14
      Became a couple: 04.23.14
      First Visit: 08.09.14-08.15.14
      Second Visit: 12.17.14-12.28.14
      Third Visit: 02.13.15-02.15.15
      Fourth Visit: 04.03.15-04.06.15
      CLOSED THE DISTANCE/GOT MARRIED: 06.22.15/06.27.15

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        #4
        I agree with the previous posters.
        Plus, you're torturing yourself by talking to her. Personally, I would've said NO to the story reading, that crosses the line into things couples would do for each other. Besides, she probably wouldn't do the same for you.
        My advice is solely my opinion and suggestion, just trying to look at this realistically here.
        "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

        Comment

          #5
          Since you're definitely not getting back together, I think you need to limit your contact to the occasional "How are you?"s. Eventually you're both going to move on and find other people, and nobody will be happy with your current arrangement, especially the bedtime stories. It's better to start that process now, before everyone winds up hurt and confused. Good luck.
          Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Noodle View Post
            How long had you been dating? Maybe a month wasn't long enough to get over each other.
            We were dating for 6 months. The break up was very complicated on her end and i had no clue as to what happened and how everything ended so quickly(very long story). So after the break up i went a month of silence before contacting her, she explained everything that happened and it turns out she had lots of emotional problems and anxiety which caused her to end the relationship.. Even now tho Im really happy that we are talking again, but on the other hand im feeling very confused about everything...

            Comment

              #7
              The bed time story was not a regular thing i didnt even do that when we were dating. One of her friends that lives with her normally helps her fall asleep by doing that, but that friend wasnt home at the time and she requested me to do it instead.

              Comment

                #8
                That's a little strange....does anyone else think that?
                "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

                Comment

                  #9
                  Yeah this definitely doesn't seem like a good situation to be in if she was the one that broke things off. I speak from experience with trying to be friends with an ex who dumped me but still tried to act like we were a couple. It's nothing but an emotional roller coaster and I was only finally able to get over my feelings and have a healthy relationship was to cut ties with the ex.

                  Not saying you have to cut all ties if you really don't want to but at least have minimal conversations.


                  Met online: 04.19.14
                  Became a couple: 04.23.14
                  First Visit: 08.09.14-08.15.14
                  Second Visit: 12.17.14-12.28.14
                  Third Visit: 02.13.15-02.15.15
                  Fourth Visit: 04.03.15-04.06.15
                  CLOSED THE DISTANCE/GOT MARRIED: 06.22.15/06.27.15

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Yep, I'll second what the others have said. If you have to have contact, keep it light and fairly brief conversations.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Unconditional View Post
                      That's a little strange....does anyone else think that?
                      To say the least, that is strange that she has to have bedtime stories every night so she can sleep. At least that is the impression I get from reading this, that her room mate was out, she couldn't sleep, so she asked OP to read to her...like a child needing a bedtime story as part of her bedtime routine.


                      TWO HEARTS BEATING AS ONE, LOVE BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN...

                      Nothing Can Keep Us Apart, Safe In Each Other's Heart

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I agree - you need to move on.
                        If you can't see yourself dating and having a LDR then stop this now and do it gently.
                        Do not keep false hope alive and create more pain.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          If she needs bedtime stories, I am sure she can get that on tape. Don't be her crutch.
                          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I think being friends with an ex after a complicated break up is nearly impossible. There are a lot of conflicting feelings involved (I speak from personal experience).
                            If you feel like you miss talking to her, make sure you aren't missing being with her. If you're still having romantic feelings for her, I'd cut ties for a little while longer. It sounds like she likes having you around as a non-boyfriend/friend-with-romantic-benefits sort of deal.
                            She can't have everything and hurt/confuse you like this.

                            Allow the dust to settle a little more, then reanalyze what you feel. If it's romantic, stay away. If it's platonic, talk to her, but maybe restrict your conversations to what you feel more comfortable with as a friend. And let her know if she is crossing the line. Friends need to communicate too.
                            Every long lost dream led me to where you are
                            Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
                            Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
                            This much I know is true...
                            That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

                            |First Met: 02/28/14|Exchanged Numbers: 03/07/14|First Date: 03/14/14|First Kiss: 03/21/14 |Became a couple: 04/05/14|

                            Comment

                              #15
                              From personal experience, reconnecting with an ex is not a good idea. Although you have broken up, and whether or not that was a mutual agreement, the love was still there before things were cut off, and they are very likely still there even after some time has passed. It is not a healthy thing to start developing feelings for someone who you broke up with, as it can lead to a lot of complications, not only between you and your SO, but also with yourself. Sorry for the comparison, but it is like picking a scab and watching it heal over and over again. I didn't speak to my ex for nearly a year, after going through the same situation you went through on numerous occasions with feeling like everything was the same minus the "I love you"s. I speak to him every few weeks now, over text, and being honest - it is still very awkward and it feels very strange to be in conversation with him again, although it has been almost two years since we ended things. He clearly feels the same way, because when I mention my current boyfriend while chatting, he gets upset and says that I am just trying to rub it in his face (which isn't true, but that's not the point). To get to the point - you can break up with someone, and even have no desire to get back with them, but some feelings just don't go away, unwelcome or not.

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