dealing with negative comments

[standingoutsidethefire]

Seems like everyone has an opinion when you're in a long distance relationship. As if an LDR isn't difficult enough at times, the last thing I want or need is negativity around me from people who don't know the situation. I often wonder if these people would be so negative and sometimes down right mean, if my relationship were close distance. Even my "safe place" of writing online (which is something I've done since 2009) is now just a breeding ground for people to fill my mind with doubts. Who do I listen to anymore, family, friends, strangers, or my heart? Which sometimes I'm not even sure I can trust most days. :\

[BlueCat]

Negative comments seem to be quite abundant when it comes to LDR's. I had more trouble with it in the early few years of my relationship than I do now. Pretty much everyone has to have an opinion on how you should be living your life though and the things you should be doing differently. Don't let them get you down, it's your decision and it's what makes you happy, it doesn't matter what all those other people think.

As a side note, I still get crap from my family sometimes. Early this year my sister said something along the lines of how she was worried about me because she didn't want to see me "waiting around for something that was never going to happen". Thanks for the optimism and support sis. Shall I comment on all the worries I have about your life now... no? I didn't think so...

[Petals]

People will always have an opinion so be wary about putting too much weight on that. I suggest you be less forthcoming about your relationship and let nosy people keep their butt out of your relationship.

You know your relationship, so if you are sure you are not overlooking some red flags then ignore what others are saying.

Live your life for you and not anyone else!

[differentcountries]

I think sometimes people are trying to protect us, and they happen to do it in a clumsy manner. Of course what our friends and family want for us, is to see us happy and healthy and in a good relationship. Then they see us spening time in front of a computer, money in a plane, we long and we hope and they might not even have seen us with this person. More than often, they have seen us in bad relationships before, and are weary that something like that might happen again. They may not be used to travelling and find it funny or scary. They may fail at understanding what bond can be created when people see each other rarely or have not yet met.

I was not very supportive when my friends joined LDRs before, especially not international ones. I remember I worried for my friends, who often had been either long single or had bad break-ups before. And now they would fly around, and I would not see the person they adored at all, or very seldom. And often it was too hard, even when they tried to close the distance. Usually, I softened when I actually got to know the person, which you can if they travel a lot the country you are in. But it is not always so easy, weather LD or CD. Being short on money may be romantic when you fly to see your love, but less so because you live CD and have no job. I see LD that have turned CD that still scare me, even when people are married and about to close the distance. If I and SO will ever close the distance it will happen V E R Y S L O W L Y. Also, I try to show people the wonders of our love, especially in his country, and later on when he can visit here (he is a likable guy, too!).

Sometimes people are a bit stupid, try to forgive them for that. If you trust your relationship, that is what matters.

[LuciaArcher]

When my SO and I met in 2008 we were surrounded by negative comments. Family members and friends harped on the fact that met in a chatroom, that he had just come out of a long term relationship, and that we were living in different countries. It seemed like every single step we took we were faced with harsh criticism. How could we trust someone that we couldnt see every day? How did we know one wasnt doing something behind the others back?

It is hard to ignore the naysayers, and believe me, there will ALWAYS be naysayers, but if you care about the person that you are with then other's peoples comments are invalid. They simply dont matter. What matters is that the person who you have chosen to be with treats you well and makes you happy. The quote that I tend to live by is "What other people think of me is none of my business."

Keep going with your relationship if that is what your heart tells you. If you ever chose to end it, end it on your terms and no one elses.

[snow_girl]

There are actually literally, 50 topics on this already. Surely one of them popped up when you were typing in the name for this thread?

[Hollandia]

You have places like this and you can see that there are plenty of people like you. I guess I am fairly thick skinned and and an outspoken person, but if anyone tries to give me lip, I tell them point blank, I don't want to hear it. If you wish to stay in contact with me then you will accept this life choice I have made or don't expect to hear from me very much. I don't go sticking my nose in your life choices and making negative comments so give me the same respect.

I don't hear it anymore since we have been together for years now and we spend more and more time in CD and those that supported me are still very much my friends even when they are now 3500+ miles from me. Many of them now really "get it" and some are even a bit envious.

[Hollandia]

There are actually literally, 50 topics on this already. Surely one of them popped up when you were typing in the name for this thread?

Is it better to Necrothread then? I have heard people complain about when people do that too? Not being a snark, which is preferred by Michelle?

[bubblehits]

Listen to yourself. Use your own intuition.
I have found that people give their opinions and then leave it.
I have friends and family that are both positive and negative about my LDR. Some of them plainly refuse to talk about it with me because they think I am being foolish.

[standingoutsidethefire]

For me, it would just be nice to have people accept it for what it is, and to at least treat me like I'm not crazy. I either get negativity in the form of "how do you know he's not doing something behind your back", "you're living in a fantasy land", ect. Or I get pity from people, who either think I must be suffering, or they look at me like I'm a fool. "Poor thing, she thinks he's really going to come see her", "she has an "online" boyfriend", ect. Blah.

[piratemama]

I've learned that you have negative people everywhere you go, even on this forum. People like to complain, whine, and put others down. Maybe it makes them feel bigger. Just ignore them and hang around those that are positive. You know the saying, the glass is half empty. Well, chemists say the glass is full, counting the gases. Those are the kind of thinkers I want around me.

It is hard for people not to validate your feelings, but life teaches us that we each have very few true friends. Hang on to any you discover; they are rare.

[piratemama]

Is it better to Necrothread then? I have heard people complain about when people do that too? Not being a snark, which is preferred by Michelle?

I'd like to know Michelle's preference on this, too. I try to judge by the topic. For example, I think one long thread about Soft cups is better than 100 smaller ones, but individual ones might work better for this kind of thread. I've also noticed you can't please all the people all the time, so I stopped trying. If someone doesn't want to read my thread, it's a choice they are welcome to make.

[Unconditional]

For me, it would just be nice to have people accept it for what it is, and to at least treat me like I'm not crazy. I either get negativity in the form of "how do you know he's not doing something behind your back", "you're living in a fantasy land", ect. Or I get pity from people, who either think I must be suffering, or they look at me like I'm a fool. "Poor thing, she thinks he's really going to come see her", "she has an "online" boyfriend", ect. Blah.

The rest of us get that too! Trust me, everyone gets the pity, and the criticism, and the stupid unrealistic comments or thoughts that make you feel terrible. I just brush it off. If people say things like that I brush it off, but then I no longer tell them anything about my SO or our relationship. They have ruined my trust, it's hard to get that back.

[Zephii]

Try "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I care about your opinion of my relationship, that was never my intention."

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I just found out yesterday something that surprised me. One of my friends, who was one of my worst judges, said she was mad at me because I was doing what I wanted to, regardless of what people think, and she felt gypped because she lost someone because she let everyone talk her out of it. Basically, she was jealous, and mad at herself for not standing up to the naysayers in her life.