Time to walk away for good?

[Hollandia]

If someone treats you like this in the very beginning of a relationship, it can only go downhill from here. Go out and get out soon. Don't let him convince you to give him another chance either. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. He is a cheater and he is still showing all the signs that he will always be one.

[laurenandjames9]

He has now deleted his Facebook. I don't know what to think now, I am so confused.

[Moon]

Sweetie, listen, he has been nothing but sneaky and deceptive up to this point. You need to ask yourself, and really think about, if you can ever be comfortable and happy in this relationship. If he doesn't call/text/Skype when he said he would, or if he tells you he's hanging out with friends, or you don't hear from him for the day, can you feel OK, or will you be afraid and panicky? If the answers are that you can't be comfortable and you will be afraid he's doing things he shouldn't be, then it's time to go. That's no way to live, and isn't the way love should feel. It's up to you, of course, but just take some time and think about what I wrote first, OK? Good luck.

[BlueCat]

He has now deleted his Facebook. I don't know what to think now, I am so confused.

Being friends on facebook should not be a big deal, so the fact that he deleted it, is a big red flag to me. Which means he was either lying about who he was, what he was up to, or both. At least that's how I perceive it.

It's hard, but I would personally let him go.

[Hollandia]

He has now deleted his Facebook. I don't know what to think now, I am so confused.

He deleted that Facebook. It is quite easy to make another account under a different name ( John Smith/Smith Johnson/Johnny Smithen...etc). He very well might have needed that extra time to send out messages to his friends from his old FB page telling them he was doing so, so that he can remain in contact with them on his new FB page. Sounds sneaky and far fetched or does it sound like something he might do? I really think this would be the end of the line for me.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I agree with Moon and Bluecat.. I think the damage has been done, and that it may be time to move on.

[laurenandjames9]

Thank you for all the comments. I really do need to think about things. He wants to see me this weekend, but I really don't know if it is a good idea. Right now it seems like I will always be unsure on what to do.

Lauren

[ethelynn]

He has now deleted his Facebook. I don't know what to think now, I am so confused.

Are you sure that he in fact deleted it and didn't just block you?

I do agree with others, you deserve someone who appreciates you and wants only you, not someone who looks for hookups while you are together and hides things from you / lies to you.

[laurenandjames9]

He has definitely deleted it because I have got several people to search for him.

[merlinkitty]

Maybe if I would have waited longer I would have had the courage to make the right decision. I really do deserve better, but its hard to let go of him.

I agree with everyone. I'm sorry you're in this position. I think the one thing I've learned over the years is to not just see these red flags in the beginning, but acknowledging them. It's different knowing someone is acting shady than knowing they're shady and acknowledging that you do deserve better. We meet people like this guy seems to be and the best thing to do is just learn from it and try to keep from making the same mistakes again.

The reason I highlighted what you said was just to tell you that you don't have to wait to make a decision. Sometimes the best decisions come from listening to your gut and acting on it it's something I wish I'd learned to do a lot sooner, but then I wouldn't be where I'm at now, either

[silvermoonfairy3]

He has definitely deleted it because I have got several people to search for him.

Not to put more paranoia in your life, but that doesn't mean anything. I have teacher friends who have the highest level of privacy settings because they don't want their students to find them.. and their facebooks are virtually invisible unless they add you. They don't come up in searches, you don't see what they comment on, they don't show up in tagged pictures, literally nothing. I'm pretty sure that even if you're commenting in a comment thread with a mutual friend, and they comment too, you won't see their comment because you aren't friends with them.

Not saying your guy didn't delete his, just saying that having people search for him isn't going to tell you that.

As for the rest...I'd be wary of meeting this weekend.
Chances are, he's sensing that things are near the end for you, and that's his cue to kick into high gear, be nice, seem to have repented.. juuuuuust long enough to get you thinking you're wrong and should be with him.

Good luck.

[merlinkitty]

Silvermoonfairy has some really good points. I didn't even think of it until she mentioned it, but my SO has his Facebook so locked down that, when I'm logged out, I absolutely cannot find it. And I know he has one cause, guess what, we're friends there. I think she's also right in cautioning you that he might be kicking into high gear, trying to schmooze you into forgiving him. I re-read through everything you've written so far and I'll be honest, my alarm bells are really ringing. Just be aware if you decide to meet up with him.

[whatruckus]

Look, I'm going to share my story with you because this is exactly what I went through with my ex.

I was friends with him on Facebook, that's how we met. We started dating, and he told me he started talking to this girl, named Samantha, that he "thought" I knew because we went to the same college (how would that even be possible when she started a year after me?). Well, I told him I had no idea who she was. Turns out, that was his excuse for me to be "ok" with him talking to her. Now, back then, I could care less if he had friends who were girls. Nothing had breached my trust or caused me to have trust issues since he was my first real relationship. They started flirting, A LOT, and I knew she liked him. He played it off like, "Nah." But, he knew. Then he goes to visit her (she lives 45 mins from me and I already lived 40 mins from him, so it would be like an hour and a half drive for him to see her). Then, he broke up with me the day after they hung out and told me he flirted with her big time. Then, he starts dating her. Drama ensues between me and her because he was playing both of us. After that, I never trusted him and logged into his Facebook. Found out he had been messaging other girls all the time, when we started dating, telling them he thought they were hot and that he wanted their number and to meet up with them. None of these girls responded, but it was the mere fact that HE did this while we were supposed to be together that pissed me off.

Being dumb, I took him back after he broke up with her because I still loved him.

Next time, he decided to start going to college (after 3 years since he graduated high school). He befriended this girl, Kristen, who actually turned out to live down the street with him. He broke up with me again, because he wasn't going to "have time" for me, but if he dated someone else that it would be okay, because they lived closer. Him and her start a fling, and more drama with this other girl and her friend with me. She probably got fed up with him, so he decided to come back to me, again, I took him back.

Last time, at my best friend's wedding he was texting someone the entire time. I could see him when I was standing at the altar as a bridesmaid. The entire ceremony, and reception, he was texting someone. I saw his text opened up as I glanced at his phone, so I casually asked, "Who are you texting?" He tells me, "No one, I was just checking my work emails." I give him the benefit of the doubt, but it still bothers me. I log in to his cell phone account to see his summary (we had been on the same plan, but my parents wanted me back on theirs so I didn't have to keep paying so much). I find this number on the log that he was texting all day, while he ignored me at the wedding. I confront him about it. We have a huge fight. I find out it's this girl, named Victoria, he works with. Two weeks later, after leaving me in the dark, he breaks up with me. Then for 3 months after our break up, he manipulates me telling me that if I "changed" we could get back together. Texting me he missed me and still loved me. Meanwhile, he's hooking up with this girl. Even booty called me a couple times and I gave in because I'm dumb.

His grandfather passes away and I go to the funeral because I was still very close with his family and his grandfather felt like another grandfather to me. Even considered me his grand daughter. The girl is there and I see how he acts with the girl (they were all lovey dovey, and giggly, at a funeral) and it disgusted me. After that, I finally wised up and realized what a scum bag my ex was.

Every day, I regret ever dating him and taking him back so many times. Every day, I wish I never met him. Because of him, I have trust issues, even though I love my boyfriend, he knows I still have some slight doubts, though I know he'd never cheat on me, and he has no reason to. It's still there.

Why did I tell you this? I don't want you to go through what I went through. I put up with that garbage for five years because I fell into his trap every time. I don't want you to feel all the bitterness, insecurities, or even all the hate that I feel. I wish I could be over it already, but it's so hard when I feel so stupid and duped. I feel dumb, still, for taking him back so many times. There are some days when I still think about it, and I get so mad that I think about slashing his tires. Don't become me.

Get out now, while you still can.

P.S. - He reeled me in every time with the promise that he was going to marry me one day and we belonged together. He's also now engaged to the girl (Victoria) that he cheated on me last with, and they're supposedly getting married soon. (I don't know why some people feel the need to tell me these things, especially when they know I have him blocked on everything. Facebook, Phone...etc)

Silvermoonfairy has some really good points. I didn't even think of it until she mentioned it, but my SO has his Facebook so locked down that, when I'm logged out, I absolutely cannot find it. And I know he has one cause, guess what, we're friends there. I think she's also right in cautioning you that he might be kicking into high gear, trying to schmooze you into forgiving him. I re-read through everything you've written so far and I'll be honest, my alarm bells are really ringing. Just be aware if you decide to meet up with him.

That's how my boyfriend's FB is. You can only find him if you know his email, which no body really knows. He's very private.

[laurenandjames9]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It really puts everything into perspective. He has been in my life for well over a year now, and when I think about it, up until that point I never had trust issues, and I never got paranoid about things. He has made me like that, because all he has done from the beginning is lie. My best friend liked him at the beginning, and she said once he lied she has never trusted him again, and now she was right not to trust him. Right now, I really don't know what I am holding onto with him. I am supposed to be seeing him tomorrow, and I am really unsure on whether to go or not. I know if I do things will be fine between us, and he will be like he always is.

Lauren

[whatruckus]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It really puts everything into perspective. He has been in my life for well over a year now, and when I think about it, up until that point I never had trust issues, and I never got paranoid about things. He has made me like that, because all he has done from the beginning is lie. My best friend liked him at the beginning, and she said once he lied she has never trusted him again, and now she was right not to trust him. Right now, I really don't know what I am holding onto with him. I am supposed to be seeing him tomorrow, and I am really unsure on whether to go or not. I know if I do things will be fine between us, and he will be like he always is.

Lauren

I honestly think that you should end it with him. Like I said, don't become me. He will never change. If he hasn't done it already, he's never going to. As for my ex, I almost feel sorry for his fiancee, because I know him. As soon as another pretty girl pays attention to him, he'll be gone. Only this time, he'll have to file divorce papers.

Get out now. If you see him tomorrow, I would end it. Be strong. Prove to him, and yourself, that you're worth WAYYYYYY more than the bull shit he's putting you through, because you are. Your SO sounds like a douche.

Don't let him manipulate you into thinking that you are the problem. You're not. You said it yourself, you never had trust issues until him (just like me) and that he made you this way. My ex made me feel like everything was my fault, and I was being jealous for no good reason, and used to call me names when we were dating. That's what he meant when he said that if I "changed" that he would take me back. I even seriously considered seeing a psychiatrist because I really thought something was wrong with me and I was extremely depressed. All of my pyschologist friends tell me that it was cause and effect and that nothing was my fault. I would've never had trust issues if it weren't for him.