Help with Day-to-Day Life in Long Distance Relationship

[rebelfan]

Hello,

This is my first post on this forum although I have spent a good deal of time reading different topics on here. I have noticed this is a very warm and welcoming community, and I am excited to become a part of it. I could really use some perspective and some advice on living day-to-day in this long-distance relationship. My SO and I started off for a year long-distance, but we had the fortune of having an amazing year living nearby. Unfortunately, over the summer and for the foreseeable future, we are back to long-distance. Although our relationship is strong, I am really struggling with the day-to-day aspects of long distance. I want to talk to her more than we get an opportunity to talk. I crave her beautiful smile and warm touch. I miss feeling her head on my shoulder and just being able to share dinner together. Do y'all have any perspective for how I can better deal with the day-to-day aspect of living long distance? Also, do you have any advice about not drifting apart? I will be able to drive and see her every once in a while after I come home from an internship, but I still feel nervous about drifting apart. Thank you for your time.

[Unconditional]

Communication is key, just remember that, helps not to drift apart.

[differentcountries]

Visits with dates set, regular texts /calls /Skype, giving gifts and writing letters..
You mention body contact, I crave that too and find that eye contact over Skype is able to partly replace that.

[rebelfan]

Thank y'all for the quick responses! Unconditional, I agree completely. Unfortunately, at the moment, we're restricted to just texts and phone calls every once in a while, but we're at least texting every day. Unfortunately, we're both busy so the quality of contact isn't always even, but we're trying. differentcountries, thank you for your advice and your empathy. I think eye contact over skype would help me a lot, too. Unfortunately, we won't be able to have Skype access until August so I am just trying to remain optimistic and patient.

[squeeker]

If you are restricted to just texts and phone calls... how much do picture texts cost on your plans?? Pictures can help, because you can see either each other or the things you are doing or eating.. you could make the same meal or drink the same drink or watch the same show.. even if it's not on Skype. Talk about your days, the little things that happen.. anything that made you smile or feel other emotions. Stay connected by communication but communication isn't always talking, even in LDRs.. pictures, making videos for each other.. you could even gather things you want to show when you can skype. There are lots of things on this site and the LFAD main page.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Even just sporadic chats on Facebook help, we have discovered. We have just started sending Good morning messages to inbox, waking each other up. We started it when World Cup began, so we would be able to watch the games together and cheer on our teams, but I mentioned last night how nice it was, and, even without a game today, we decided it would be nice to have a Good morning chat. I hope it is a new tradition we will keep up. We are also starting something else. I just got a new phone that I can send photos directly to him via Messenger, so we are going to start sending regular photos as we go about our day, sort of an ongoing Photo diary we can share. Every little bit helps when it comes to communication in an LDR. Even as busy as he is, he manages to find time to chat with me nearly every day, and Skype occasionally. And, with our time differences (he's 15 hours ahead of me) he's working when the games are on so I've been watching for him, and sending him photos. We have really been enjoying it.

[piratemama]

You have to find a way to connect, but there are many ways of doing that. Just agreeing to think of each other at the same moment each day is one way. Sending notes and packages and personal belongings works, too. I love exchanging an item of my clothing for his, so I can sleep with his scent. The simple ways help more than you can imagine. I love getting notes in the mail from him, because I know he touched the paper and wrote the words. Anything that connects helps.

[differentcountries]

Oh, and pictures. I love pictuers. We usually send them through Viber. I will send him a pic; "this is me going to a party", he will send me a pic of the weather at his work, or the cats, I will sit on the tram and send him a pic, anything that strikes our fancy. It is like a tiny instant Skype session. Also, it is good to have a phone call,even if just a quick one. I love to hear his voice, so even if we can't have time/energy for a proper conversation it is so good to just stay in contact like that.

[standingoutsidethefire]

Daily communication is important, I can only text/email my SO since our schedules and the time difference only allows us to Skype usually every other week. If you both have smartphones, I would highly recommend using a free messaging app like Kik or Viber (Viber is great as you can make free calls), and they both let you send pictures as well, which is HUGE. Pictures of yourself are nice, but even random things like what you had for lunch, something you saw on the way to work, ect. Anything that helps her feel like she's a part of your life (and hopefully she'll do the same). Even when I can't text him much because of work and other plans, I'll send him an email at night, so he has something to wake up to read in the morning. Other that that, just try to stay busy do something productive with your time. It feels like I'm just "waiting around" for the time we can spend together, if you do this, you'll end up neglecting family/friends and yourself. I know from personal experience.

[LottieLove]

My girlfriend and I have lots of little traditions and I find that really helps me, I like having things that I know we're going to do every day. We send each other a message every morning on tumblr (we refer to them as letters though because they get pretty long!) and I know that each night she writes hers to me just before bed and I write mine to her sitting with a cup of tea before work in the morning (she's 6 hours behind me). When I get home I send her a message to say good morning and I get home a little before she wakes up, then we talk as we're both doing things, she takes me to the shop with her or on her errands, even just getting to hear her do laundry or make food is really good because it makes us feel a part of each others every day life. If you do have a smart phone there are lots of really good apps, we use Voxer the most and you can send each other voice messages, pictures and texts through that for free. I've also just started using Viber to call her, if you both have it it's free, but even if you're calling a number that doesn't have the app the rates are really, really good, we're UK to US and it costs something like 1p per minute for me to call her.
We also do things like make each other mixtapes on 8tracks, make each other videos on youtube. We have a shared tumblr blog that we both post things to and we also have things like certain pieces of jewellery that we both have and wear all the time, t-shirts that we both have, just little things that you can wear or have close to you to feel close even when you're far apart. At the moment she doesn't have a computer so we don't get to Skype much, just occasionally through the phone, but she's getting it fixed real soon and I'm excited to do things like have movie dates with her.

[Miasmata]

I can only agree with the others here, there are tons of ways to stay connected and together you can find out what works for you two specifically. Communicate about your needs and figure out what you can do. You'd be surprised how much small gestures like pictures from your daily life or a kind message at random during the day means.