Trying to move on

[Keisha]

It's almost two months since I broke up with my ex and I never tried contacting him. I've tried to keep busy to keep my mind off him. But at the end of the day, he's still on my mind. I didn't get complete closure so I attempted to talk to him yesterday to find out what went wrong with the relationship. My plan was to either try to fix things or get complete closure.
When I messaged him, he ignored me. I don't know how I can completely move on without closure. I didn't do anything to him, but he decides to be a jerk. He acted like he didn't care throughout our relationship, so I don't see why he's upset.
How can I move on without closure? What's the point of him reacting this way?

[differentcountries]

Forget about him. Or, rather think of him when you do, and mourn the way things ended. You may try to find out for yourself what went wrong, to fill your need for meaningfulness.

[Miasmata]

Definitely examine yourself and ask yourself questions about what happened, but by no means go and put guilt on yourself. Relationships hinge on so many factors, and it's never simple. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and the kind of relationship you want in the future. What did you like and what not? What would you want out of a future relationship?

[Noodle]

It seems like 'what went wrong' in the relationship isn't on your side, but his side. So, you shouldn't be dwelling on something you cannot change. He doesn't seem like a good guy and isn't worth the time if he ended things like a jerk. So like what was mentioned before, you just need to concentrate on yourself because you never know when Mr. Right is going to enter your life

[OperaDiva]

I am glad you have been doing well it is completely normal to still be thinking about him, but I think there is nothing he can give you that can make you feel better. This closure is about you, not about him. There are no words from him that will take away the pain or confusion that you might still feel, but they will fade away when you talk kindly to yourself and give yourself time. The questions that you have are not for him, but for you. What can you do to make yourself feel better? How can you become a better and stronger person from this experience?

[Keisha]

Thanks. I've been thinking about how the relationship went, and at least I know what I don't want in a relationship. I can also use it in the future so I won't have to go through this again.

[whatruckus]

Thanks. I've been thinking about how the relationship went, and at least I know what I don't want in a relationship. I can also use it in the future so I won't have to go through this again.

That's the perfect mentality to have.

[ldrxoxo]

I know what you mean. I never got any closure from mine, either. He acted like he was so in love with me the first few months he started talking to me and then poof he disappeared without even so much as an "I'm busy." I don't get how he can completely forget about someone who used to be on his mind 24/7, either while I can never forget. He said he didn't want to be a jerk about it but he was! He gave me no closure and nothing had I not got on his back about it, that's what would have happened. He would have never talked to me again had I not asked him myself why hasn't he been talking to me anymore when we used to talk all the time. So inconsiderate. I don't care how far away or how young a person is, doesn't give a person the right to be a jerk.

Try thinking about the fact that they aren't thinking about you and that they act like they don't care. It's kind of helping me think why should I think about someone when they act like they aren't thinking about me? I secretly hope he is thinking about me and is thinking about how much he messed up!

[merlinkitty]

Thanks. I've been thinking about how the relationship went, and at least I know what I don't want in a relationship. I can also use it in the future so I won't have to go through this again.

This is how you get closure You look back, see what worked, and what didn't. Decide how you would like to see this play out in the future and then live the changes You're right exactly where you need to be. Give yourself some more time. You'll get there

[differentcountries]

He may be inconsiderate, but you are then a person who dated someone like that and it may be good learn how to protect yourself better in the next relationship. Commitment phobics are really afraid to get sucked in by their emotions but then they are drawn in, and they can't commit to even a no, which is why they dont give closure.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I agree with OperaDiva and Merlinkitty. Closure ultimately comes from yourself, with making peace with how things went. And it's great that you're reflecting on what you don't want in a relationship so that you'll be able to see it clearer/avoid it next time.

Honestly, as rough and jerk-like as it seems, I think him not answering your message/cutting ties completely is actually going to be more helpful for you in the long run. For some people (certainly me in the past!) any contact at *all* before being completely over someone would just prolong not being able to fully move on.

Sometimes closure takes time. Keep doing what you're doing, reflecting on your needs, what you want from relationships, what you want and are able to give, and slowly you'll move on.
Good luck!

[Keisha]

Thanks everyone