Is it too soon to discuss our future?

[Hollandia]

I had an eating disorder for 8 years and after being rushed to the ER a few times, I quit. I found that heart palpitations have become a part of life if ever too much caffeine is ingested since then. As in, cannot even drink two cups of decaf, since that since has caffeine but just a chemical in it to hide the effects. The only reason this matters at all, is ever since that first trip to the ER in an ambulance, I have had panic attacks. The slightest bit of a tightness in the chest can bring it back, or even a numb limb from sleeping on it the wrong way. I KNOW it's all in my my head and I'm not dying but it is like a monster that continues to chase you. The more real stress you have in your life, the harder it is to fight off and the more often it rears it's ugly head. I can almost feel them ripping open my shirt and sticking those things on my chest and putting me on that guerney. I thought I was going to die. It was a panic attack that was complicated by low blood pressure.

I am plenty busy too, work, travel and my SO has been by my side for the last 6 months, but still this damn stress is bringing them almost daily. I truly think it must be a chemical imbalance. One thing I am looking most forward to, is having a home country and getting health insurance and seeing a doc. At this rate, if not soon, I will have a heartache and die and make it all a moot point....or to be honest, that is just how it feels at 300am whenn you can't barely breathe or sleep.

If you know someone that has anxiety and they can, tell them to get help. I did quite well for like 5 years just knowing I had the meds in house, and most of the times I never used them. They would only give me like 20 pills every 2 years but it greatly helped.

[Sarah96]

I feel like I may be similar in a way to your boyfriend, I tend to have terrible anxiety when it comes to thinking about the future...especially now that I'm about to go off to college and start with a new job, I'll be focused on school work and I'm freaking out about our future and the next four years. However, SO and I have been talking about our future since almost day one. We've always talked about the things we want in the future and that turned into our future plans together. We've only been dating for a little over a year now but we occasionally discuss our future plans and ideas. It does make my anxiety worse at times since I fear how college and a new job may impact the time we spend together and hurt our relationship, but I usually feel better when we sit down and talk about how we feel about the plans/ideas and make sure we're both on the same page. I've had a few HORRIBLE meltdowns thinking about all this stuff, but that usually happened when I was left alone to over think and worry.

As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression on a lesser level, it's important to me that my partner and I are always on the same page and aware of how each of us feels at all times. It helps relieve stress, anxiety and depression when I know both of us can discuss our future plans without getting upset/angry about anything. My advice would just be to make sure you discuss these things with him when he's having a good day, or he is relaxing and is not under any stress. It will help ease his mind and he won't be as anxious. If you're on the phone/skype try not to get too worked up, stay calm and relaxed. I hope this maybe helps a little good luck with everything!

[Bobbiejeanne]

Yeah, caffeine and high stress are the basic food groups of grad school and I can't imagine med school is better

I think they're the major food groups of higher education, period. My SO always brought a thermos to our 9:30AM course, and when I found out that it only contain water... well, I was embarrassed for my caffeine addiction. Haha.

One thing I've noticed about anxiety is that it also has a lot to do with whether or not the person is receiving enough support from those surrounding him/her. My best friend, for instance, has support from some of his friends but none from his family and definitely zippola from his girlfriend. So in his case anxiety is turning him into a totally different person almost. It's very sad to see him this way. At any rate, I just wanted to say supportive people make a world of difference...but then I guess it's obvious, eh. xD

We’ve discussed his anxiety in this form of context. He says the amount of support and care I give to him has dramatically reduced his anxiety. I only bring this topic up to the forum because I have always been his backbone during his rough days, and I’ve actually back him down from the edge of an attack early in our relationship. I do NOT want to be a cause of one.

If you know someone that has anxiety and they can, tell them to get help. I did quite well for like 5 years just knowing I had the meds in house, and most of the times I never used them. They would only give me like 20 pills every 2 years but it greatly helped.

I honestly have no idea about if he has taken any medication for his anxiety. I’ve never asked. That being said, he is the son of two doctors with loads of friends in the medical field, as well as a massive support system. I would imagine if he felt like it was uncontrolled, he would know that he has plenty who will help him.

As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression on a lesser level, it's important to me that my partner and I are always on the same page and aware of how each of us feels at all times. It helps relieve stress, anxiety and depression when I know both of us can discuss our future plans without getting upset/angry about anything. My advice would just be to make sure you discuss these things with him when he's having a good day, or he is relaxing and is not under any stress. It will help ease his mind and he won't be as anxious. If you're on the phone/skype try not to get too worked up, stay calm and relaxed. I hope this maybe helps a little good luck with everything!

Thank you so much for your input! I honestly have no idea what it’s like to have anxiety, so another perspective on it really does help! I see him in 6 days for a weeklong visit, so if I was going to talk to him it would be then. Either that or I would wait until August when I temporarily close the distance.
It’s this weird game of balancing his trip, our apps, our future, our relationship, and his anxiety. I love him dearly and I would never want to put unneeded or unwanted stress.