He's a self-proclaimed narcissist. Is there any chance to overcome this?

[suneerayz]

My 13 year marriage ended suddenly a year ago. I met a guy online who claims to be narcissistic, and wishes to change these tendencies.
He lives 6 hours away; we talk every night, text at lunch and see each other often. We have had some pretty intense conversations, one of which is his strong desire to have children. I have 3, so I'm not really there with it. The more comfortable he gets, the stranger his behaviour. Weekends we spend together. Once he asked to have my tv. Keep in mind I am a single mother raising 3 kids..going to college full time and he is a bachelor with 4 jobs. I told him no, to which he pouted by laying in my bed for 3 days staring at it. He asked my son for his xbox and again..pouted when I intervened.

He insists on foot rubs and claims those are a form of affection to which he deserves. He says he cannot express emotion yet continuously complains about my behaviour (my smoking and eating is unhealthy for his future child. Ps..I'm 5'2 and 115 pounds). I've expressed I need emotion, he sees it pointless. He says emotions don't matter as long as I am willing to have his child. YET...constantly "likes" his younger female friends (all his friends are 10+years younger. He seriously doesn't hang out with anyone his age) dirty boob/duck face pictures on Facebook. I finally flipped out at him via text when he asked me not to Facebook about him coming to see me (and my kids) on the long weekend because he didn't want anyone to know (although I could write how amazing he is when he leaves). I see it as putting more public attention towards dirty pictures than his girlfriend. He says all his friends wear skimpy shirts.
He can't understand why I'm pissed over Facebook "likes" when he'd rather privately "appreciate" me. Is that messed up or am I? He suggested taking a break.In my anger, I suggested breaking up. We haven't texted since (4 days). Should I contact him for an adult conversation? Wait? What's with his behaviour? Does he deserve another chance? I haven't dated since my separation, and his behaviour has me lost. I miss him, don't really understand why I miss him but don't know really where we are sitting with each other. We are grown adults in a relationship (maybe?)...how does one handle this awkward silence maturely?

[Dziubka]

Wait
I don't know if I understood that correctly.
He asked you for your tv, as in asking you if he could take it home with him? And then he asked your son to give him his (your son's) xbox?

He tells you what you can publish on facebook?*


Now I don't understand getting jealous or upset over facebook likes (but then someone in their 30s -I assume he's your age- liking boob pictures is unacceptably immature to me), but the real question is
Why are you wasting your time with him?




*I totally understand it if people don't want things published about them on facebook. If someone asked me not to upload or tag a photo or not to tag them in something else, that's fine. But it has to make sense, and "allowing" you to post about his afterwards seems more like trying to hide something than being concerned about privacy.

[Ahava]

DON'T contact him.
And if he contacts you, DON'T reply.

I actually wish this post was a joke, but just incase it isn't: STAY AS FAR AS POSSIBLE FROM THIS GUY!

[80anthea]

I understand how difficult a marriage breakdown is, it really knocks your confidence and self esteem for a long time after. Therefore please believe me when I say that you can do so much better than this guy, he sounds not only narcissistic but incredibly emotionally abusive.

[Moon]

No, you shouldn't contact him for adult conversation, you shouldn't contact him at all. Walk away now, there's something very wrong with him, what man would try to take a kid's Xbox? His behavior isn't going to get better, it's going to get worse a time goes on, just walk away right now and count yourself lucky for going before he does real damage. Good luck.

[TwoThree]

Oh dear.

You are a mother of three children. As a mother, it is your responsibility to keep such deranged individuals out of your kids' lives. This sounds like a horrible situation for you, too. You are being abused. Do not talk to this person again.

[talim]

I'm so sorry you got emotionally invested in such unhealthy relationship. Please, don't contact him and consider yourself lucky that you got away before any serious harm was done. This man probably has serious problems and needs profesional's help.

[Dezface]

Yeah, I'm with the others. He seems unstable. Leave him alone.

[OperaDiva]

I see red flags all over your story, and since there is a narcissist in my family it hits very close to home. You really don't want somebody like that in your life, unless he does (not just says, but follows it through with action) something to change his behavior, apologizes when he realizes his behavior hurts you and does not repeat it in the future.

[TampaLove]

My jaw is hanging open.

WHAT redeeming qualities does this man have?

Pouting? No. Asking to HAVE your electronics? No. No affection? Aw HELL NO.

Not only should you not contact him, you should run far far away.

Really.

[Fretboard_Magic]

OP, you and this guy aren't compatible. You must see that. You've already suggested breaking up, so my advice is to stay on that path. I don't know why he would want your TV and your son's XBox, he can save up some money and get his own, really. But if you had an Ibanez JS10th Chromeboy 10-year anniversary model guitar, I'd be staring at him the whole time I was at your place! But that's just me, lol. xD

Now, to be fair I can actually relate to SOME(not all) of the things he does/says. Being an ex-smoker and understanding how nasty that habit is, and also being a hopeful future father, I'd totally be on her case if my partner was a smoker, sorry. Plus, I don't really have friends my "own age"(hell, my girlfriend is half my age!) and I personally see nothing wrong with that. As far as "liking" pictures, it sounds like he has clearly said he's not ready to express his emotions yet, which might, possibly, mean he's not ready to be serious about a relationship. In that case, he has every right to "like" whatever on facebook without really worrying about how it might affect others. At least that's how he might perceive the whole thing, and I for one wouldn't be surprised if it was.

"Liking" stuff on facebook, by the way, is so trivial. I swear facebook ruins people's lives because many of them take it WAY TOO seriously. In fact, I commented on a "sexy pic" of my ex-girlfriend not too long ago because, I tell you, it was something I just HAD TO do; I totally found humour in it, and I'm pretty sure she found humour in it(if not, sorry ex-girlfriend, lol). But what I did was that I let my girlfriend know. I was totally honest about the whole thing. I told her that I found it funny, and that I just had to comment. In fact, I could also feel comfortable "liking" it now as well especially since "liking" it won't change anything. It won't change the way I feel about my ex(which is like, well I'm not attracted to you in that way any more?), and it won't change the way I feel about my girlfriend.

Your long-term marriage ended not too long ago(let's face it, one year ago is not long at all in my book) and I understand that's been stressful, and you'd like to have someone who might be able to help you with various aspects of life. You need a respectful companion, one who shares the same values with you, who will be a good father to your children, who you can communicate EASILY with. But this guy ain't it. It's clear you two aren't compatible. Look elsewhere.

All the best.

[itsjen516]

No DONT contact him and ignore him if he contacts you. YOU deserve better and shouldn't be with someone who ask for stuff all the time. Why put your self threw this stress?

[Sanja]

His behavior is weird. I know it's hard, but you deserve someone who will treat you right. This guy isn't. Good luck!

[TaraMarie]

Run.....as fast as you can! Don't look back!

[suneerayz]

Dziubka - ya..he straighout asked me if I would give him my tv because I already had one in the front room. He actually asked me son why he had 2 xboxes...my son said one was from before his dad left and the other one he'd just saved up for. This guy proceeds to tell my son that if he could keep one of them..he'd play against him online. I called my boyfriend.who is my age (37) out of the room and laid down some rules. Very clearly told him it was inappropriate, to which he laughed off saying that if ya don't ask..you don't know.
Ahava-I wish this was a joke. The whole situation is weird enough that I'd think the same thing also

I have told him that I have no intention of having more children as my kids are still fighting with the negativity in which they were raised within my marriage to their father (it was horrible and they caught my ex sneaking out..to live with his secretary) I have expressed to my boyfriend that I have no intention of starting a new family..yet, he still insists that he wants children. And weirdly seems to be grooming me for such. He is also a smoker by the way .
As for Facebook...it's honestly never been a huge part of my life. Until my phone started freaking out with 400+ notifications. He was bored at work and decided to "like" every single post or status on my wall from 2097 to present. No idea why...just did. He seems very obsessed with FB, therefore I was quite upset when all his friends boobs started showing up on my newsfeed.
He was married before. He saved his virginity for this woman, who 5 years into the marriage told him she did not want children with him. I suspect he's been badly hurt, but I don't think it's a fixable one for me.
You are absolutely right..I have children to protect and the more I read, the more I realize he honestly has nothing to offer.