need serious advice feel suicidal

[moksaud]

My gf broke up with me right after she left the united kingdom to go back to usa. She left me broken and I just want to win her heart back. When she broke up with me she said it was because I failed to keep my promises to marry her. When she was in the uk I was having money problems and couldnt take her out much and she said it was partly to blame for breakup, she mentioned she wants to be with a friend of hers and that she likes him. The other guy is married and his wife is very ill and my ex for some reason feels sorry for him and grown feelings for him cause of this. Since the break up we have atill kept in contact with me stating clearly we cant be friends. When I ask her about us she said she needs space and time before she comes back to me. I asked her about the other guy and she says she doesnt know if she wants to be with him, she tells me in her heart she feels she should be with me and married but she is confused as she kept asking me about marrige and I put it off for years and I didnt satisfy her needs, she told me the other guy does give her what she wants. Im really confused, can I win her heart back? Is she playing games with me to test me? I feel she is saying certain things to make me get my shit together. Please someone help!

[Sanja]

I hope this isn't a troll. If you're feeling suicidal you need help beyond what any of us can offer here.

[moksaud]

No not a troll, just want advice from a girl who has experienced similar situation

[Sanja]

Talk to a friend you trust, or call a suicide hotline. No person is worth taking you own life over. I know it isn't easy to have your heart broken but believe me, there is life after relationship ends, and you shouldn't give up on it!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

My gf broke up with me right after she left the united kingdom to go back to usa. She left me broken and I just want to win her heart back. When she broke up with me she said it was because I failed to keep my promises to marry her. When she was in the uk I was having money problems and couldnt take her out much and she said it was partly to blame for breakup, she mentioned she wants to be with a friend of hers and that she likes him. The other guy is married and his wife is very ill and my ex for some reason feels sorry for him and grown feelings for him cause of this. Since the break up we have atill kept in contact with me stating clearly we cant be friends. When I ask her about us she said she needs space and time before she comes back to me. I asked her about the other guy and she says she doesnt know if she wants to be with him, she tells me in her heart she feels she should be with me and married but she is confused as she kept asking me about marrige and I put it off for years and I didnt satisfy her needs, she told me the other guy does give her what she wants. Im really confused, can I win her heart back? Is she playing games with me to test me? I feel she is saying certain things to make me get my shit together. Please someone help!

If you are really so depressed you are feeling suicidal, get help from a professional counselor, a medical doctor, or a Suicide Hotline. This is serious, if it is affecting you that way.

In general, I see a few red flags here. She is expecting more than you can give her, and then complaining that your financial state was partly the problem for why she is breaking up. Then she casually mentions that she has feelings for someone else, who she was obviously seeing behind your back. And yet her biggest complaint is that you broke a promise to marry her. She has some control issues, it seems. Sorry to say it, but it sounds to me like she was looking for a way out, so she can give her time to the other guy.

Give her some space and time! Let her think things over, as she has requested, and decide what she really wants. And YOU take the time and space to do some self-healing...and then decide what YOU really want.

If you feel that you need to get your act together, then this might be the catalyst to get you to do it...with or without her.

[Unconditional]

I'm sorry, but if part of the reason for the breakup was because you couldn't take her out when she visited, then you definetly deserve better.
Her reason is extremely shallow.
Also, if she so easily fell in love with someone else, I feel as though she probably never truly loved you. I hate to say that, however you really do deserve a lot better.
But, that's just my opinion.

Sanja pretty much hit the nail on the head as far as suicide prevention and help.
I hope you start feeling better, wishing you the best! =)

[moksaud]

Thank you guys and girls for your reply, I am trying to improve myself and me and my ex have been together for ten years thats why I thought maybe once she see's ive changed she might come back to me.

[Ahava]

Have you been 10 years long distance?
Is she upset coz you haven't popped the question?
How had you planned to close the distance, her moving to you or you to her?

I'm really sorry you are going through this
But what ever happens DON'T take your own life. Do anything else, anything that will help.
Do you have close friends that you trust and can talk to?

It will get easier in time, I promise. The first few weeks are the worst.

[80anthea]

Do you have a previous psychiatric condition? If so and you're in the UK you should have been given a crisis team number, give them a call.

If not then there are the Samaritans:

Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you are feeling, or if you are worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org

www.depressionalliance.org are also really useful.

Please talk to someone, go and see your GP to get referred for some kind of therapy to help you deal with these feelings.

I'm in the UK and I know how the mental health system works here so feel free to PM if you want.

[moksaud]

Yes 10 years we have spent together on and off, in past I broke up with her and she broke up with me but we always got back together. We have lived with each other aswell, I planned for us to live in the u.k but visa requirments are hard now, I did pop the question but never gave her a ring so she got annoyed by that, I wont take my life cause I have faith we will be together, as a woman if I did something like that to you would you ever take me back, p.s I was very jealous of her friends and tried to keep her away from them which she hated me for, at times I also got needy so not a good quality

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Ten years is a long time to wait, especially if she might be wanting children with you, and her biological clock is ticking (just speculating on this, not knowing her age, or if this is even an issue with you two). Also, as you said, jealousy and neediness are not good qualities, and trying to keep her away from her friends is controlling, which is definitely not good for a relationship.

I have a question about your pattern of breaking up and getting back together. Has it been really breaking up, separating and going your separate ways for weeks or months, and then going back to each other? Or has it been more a case of taking short "time out" breaks from each other after an argument, or when things are too intense? There is a difference, and it could influence whether or not you two get back together this time. But the problem this time is the third person in the equation. She needs to figure out for herself what and who she wants, without expectations or pressure from you. So give her the space and time she wants.

[moksaud]

I like your advice aussie american, I am 28 she is 26 the other guy is 39, in the past we never really broke up just had some space and we was back together. This time it almost seeks the same but different. I truely love her an want to wait for her and win her heart back and I dont care who she been with or who she wants to be with. We have waited to have sex when we get married so when I ket her she said she was virgin and after so much preshuring questions she still claims she is a virgin and I believe her. Im just confused cause this other guy is playing games and is trying to break us apart.

[LadyDaemon]

Im just confused cause this other guy is playing games and is trying to break us apart.

I think the thing you need to remember here is that it takes two. I'm pretty positive he didn't put a gun to her head and tell her she had to fall for him. So, with that said I agree with a couple of the others who said you need to give her space to figure out what she wants, because it doesn't sound like she does know. You also need to work on yourself as well it sounds like. Nobody wants to be controlled by their partner or deal with extreme jealousy,neediness and clingyness. Those are never attractive qualities in a person. So, like I said, you should probably work on yourself as well.

[Fretboard_Magic]

First off, if you're feeling suicidal, get professional help.

One thing I'd say is that you should move on. I wouldn't give her another chance if I were you. But let this be a lesson for you; to maintain a good relationship, you and your partner make it a point to be on the same page at all times. You and your partner also must communicate well, which is actually not that difficult with a highly compatible partner.

Now, let's see...

p.s I was very jealous of her friends and tried to keep her away from them which she hated me for, at times I also got needy so not a good quality

I dont care who she been with or who she wants to be with.

The above quotes by you MIGHT suggest something. It might suggest that you haven't quite improved where your flaws are concerned. I mean, you claim you truly love her(in a section I chose not to quote), and yet you don't care who she wants to be with? That's very selfish man. That's not ideal love. This, in conjunction with your repeatedly uttered statement of "wanting to win her back", might suggest that you still have your jealous tendencies and are still pretty needy.

We have waited to have sex when we get married so when I ket her she said she was virgin and after so much preshuring questions she still claims she is a virgin and I believe her.

is her being a virgin that important to you? And again, why would you pester her with "so much pressuring(sorry, I took the liberty of correcting the spelling) questions" in the first place? That's not very nice in my opinion.

Im just confused cause this other guy is playing games and is trying to break us apart.

And you know this how? Again, this is your jealousy talking because you can't conclude that the guy isn't just seeking some solace in your ex. Sure, I don't think it's right that he has to do that behind his ill wife's back, but like LadyDaemon said, it takes two. Your ex is just as responsible for what happened. So my question is, why do you still want to get her back? I'm looking at your situation and I don't think your love for her is necessarily healthy...in my opinion, anyway. She's obviously putting you through a great deal of stress, you're feeling suicidal, and from what it sounds like, you and this girl have had some differences in terms of what each of you wanted during your past ten years together. So what makes you think she's so compatible with you now?

I say move on, improve yourself, and find someone who is truly compatible with you. Let go of whatever negative feelings you have toward the other guy, if not soon, then work on it so you can let go eventually.

All the best.

[moksaud]

I told her to go be with the other guy, it broke my heart but when I told her an said I was gona leave and its best she be with who she wants But she says she dont want to lose me and hasnt decided who she wants to be with, as for changing my flaws I cant change overnight, she only broke up with me a month, and yes I still feel jealous but also sad how she chose to leave me, everyones advice here is so good. Why is the virgin part so important, I guess because all this time I stayed a virgin for her also.